


Freedom Verse

by Syls Darkplace (sylsdarkplace)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Biker Jensen, Drug Use, Felching, Illegal Activities, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Underage Sex, References to Addiction, Rimming, explicit violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:45:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 74,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2166279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylsdarkplace/pseuds/Syls%20Darkplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jared was 17, bikers invaded his dusty one horse town and showed him another world. Jensen never quite gotten over the kid he seduced nine years earlier. When Jensen re-enters Jared’s life, but can they reconcile their very different worlds?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Freedom's Just Another Word

**Author's Note:**

> Irregularly beta’ed. All mistakes obviously my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a complete work of fiction. No money is being made from it.  
> Author's Note: I'd like to thank the awesome meus_venator for the gorgeous artwork that brings biker Jensen to life.

 

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/19650)

“Who was that?”

“Who?” Jared asks.

Mike turned following Jared’s gaze to the door that was swinging shut. His brows were crawling up his forehead when he looked back at Jared. “That guy. The one you were talking to when I came back from the restroom. The one with the tattoos.”

Jared looked at his boyfriend then. He knew the look. Mike was jealous. He did that even though they’d been together two years, living together for more than one, and Jared had never given him any reason to be jealous. Jared felt a flare of anger and took a drink of beer, about half a beer. Maybe that would quench the fire.

“Jared, you know that guy?” Mike persisted.

Jared took another drink, but it wasn’t working. The fire still burned. He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “Have I ever told you about Heyworth?”

Mike looked perplexed. “Where you grew up? Just that you couldn’t get out of there soon enough. Is that where you know him from?”

Jared ignored the question. He signaled the bar maid for another beer and drained his glass. “Heyworth wasn’t much more than a square mile of dusty streets, faded frame houses, and dying businesses,” Jared said. He leaned forward and wrapped his long fingers around the cold beer the bar maid set down. “Thanks,” he said, and when she walked away, “It was June 6th of my junior year. School had been out for a week, and I was already bored, nothing to look forward to. I mean, I was old enough to know how summers in Heyworth were …” He shrugged. “Anyway, my mama sent me down to Main Street, the only paved street in town, mind you, to get my hair cut because to quote my daddy, _You’re starting to look like a girl._ ” Jared scoffs. “I was six foot tall, skinny, I might not have looked like man, but I sure as shit didn’t look like a girl.”

“Anyway, I rounded the corner by the grocery and there’s a line of motorcycles halfway down the block just gleaming in the sun, and I walked right past the barber shop to look at them. There must have been twenty of them. Now, these weren’t weekend riders, you know?” Jared can tell that Mike doesn’t really know. “These weren’t stock bikes. They were chopped, custom, old school Harleys, hard tails a lot of them, leather saddle bags.” He takes a drink of beer, seeing that morning in his mind’s eye. “So I’m just standing there gaping like a tourist when these guys start pouring out of Clayton’s Bar. They’ve got long hair and beards, tattoos, leather, and to a seventeen year old from Heyworth, they looked like pirates. Right there in my hometown. They looked like adventure.”

“They didn’t look like danger?” Mike asked.

The bar maid stopped at the table then and asked if they needed anything. Jared told her to bring a pitcher and onion rings, hot wings too, he added.

Jared thought about Mike’s question. “You can’t understand the depth of my boredom, my desperation for something interesting, or my complete lack of experience in the world. God, I was so naïve,” Jared said with a rueful smile. “Anyway, they start getting on the bikes, and I’m trying to watch without drawing attention to myself, when this one guy walks over to me. He was about my height at the time, but broad shouldered, long braid down his back.” He sees Mike stiffen at that because the guy Jared was talking to had a braid like that. “Aviator shades, reddish stubble on his cheeks – all very masculine, except his mouth was like some Calvin Klein model. I couldn’t take my eyes off it when he spoke.”

Mike is looking into his beer glass, jaw set tight. Jared knows he’s goading him, pushing the jealousy higher. He doesn’t even know why he’s doing it. It isn’t like him.

“He asked me which bike I liked most, and I pointed to this really tough hard tail, not chopped much, but awesome angle, fringe almost to the ground on the saddle bags, and the guy took off his shades. His eyes were the color of maple leaves shot through with sunlight. So unexpected. Long, thick lashes. Beautiful. The most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen. This odd contrast of tough and pretty.”

“ _That one’s mine,_ he said, and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. I asked, _Where?_ And he said, _Just around the block_. I didn’t hesitate. I climbed on the bike behind him, and … I was seventeen.”

“You said that,” Mike said. He was tearing his napkin into little pieces.

The bar maid set the pitcher and baskets of food down. “Can I get you anything else?” she asked.

“Nah, thanks. I think we’re good for a while,” Jared said. “Yeah, but you gotta understand. I was seventeen and gay in a one-horse town in Texas. I’d gotten to second base with Sarah Miller only because she’d had too many Purple Passions, and I was supposed to. She was all soft and smooshy, and …” Jared chuckles. “Anyway, this guy wasn’t. He was all hard muscle and … I made sure to keep my crotch well away from his ass because that’s when I realized that these guys were, well, bikers, and just because he’d smiled at me, that didn’t mean he’d appreciate some kid’s hard on pressed up against him.”

Mike bit into an onion ring like he was biting the head off a whippet. Jared almost felt bad, but he was kind of into reliving this memory now. He’d never told anyone, and it had started to feel like a dream.

“So we rode around the block, but when we started back down Main Street, he didn’t stop to let me off. He gave it some throttle and rode out of town on that long, narrow black top. It was amazing – the wind and the roar of all those bikes stretched out around us. We stopped at the motel by the interstate. He told me that a friend’s bike had broken down and they were staying until it was fixed. He said that I was welcome to hang out with them for a while or he’d take me back downtown if I wanted. Me. A skinny kid from Heyworth hanging out with pirates. That’s how it felt.” Jared grinned and stuffed an onion ring in his mouth remembering the way Jensen’s eyes crinkled when Jared had said he’d like to hang out.

“So we went into a room, typical two double beds, a couple of chairs, whatever, and there were maybe ten of us in there, mostly guys but three chicks who were just as tough as the guys. There was none of that _bitch_ talk from the guys. I think those women would have kicked their asses. Seriously. So someone turned on the TV and found some Japanese sci-fi movie, and cases of beer appeared. Anyway, I ended up with a beer, sitting on one of the beds next to Jensen ...”

“Jensen?”

“Yeah, his name’s Jensen.”

“Not exactly a biker name,” Mike said.

“See that’s just it,” Jared said. “He started asking me about my classes at school, and he’d read every book that I’d had in my novel class. He’d read Shakespeare, and at one point I questioned whether he really wanted to talk about that stuff. He kind of smirked and said, _Listen to what they’re talking about_. The others were having a debate over the proper way of shotgunning a beer. We laughed. At some point someone passed a joint. We got high, and I was a little drunk. Maybe, more than a little. I was kind of listing to one side, leaning against him. He reached over to brush the hair out of my eyes, and I leaned into it.” He remembered the way Jensen’s eyes darkened and he hesitated only a moment. “He kissed me. It’s not like I’d never been kissed. I had by more than a couple girls, even by a guy, but this was in front of a room full of bikers. It was long and dirty, like we were the only people in the room. I probably would have creamed my shorts, but someone laughed.” Jensen had pulled back with a wicked smile, and Jared’s cheeks burned when he realized that he’d moaned. “This older guy, Dex, told Jensen to quit teasing me, and Jensen grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the bathroom.”

Jensen had crowded him up against the vanity and started kissing him again. Their bodies were tight against one another, and Jensen’s hands were under Jared’s shirt, trailing heat across his skin. Jared heard himself moan again. His hips rolled instinctively trying to find friction, relief, release. Jensen pinned Jared’s hips against the vanity with his own. There’s pressure, but no stimulation. Jensen’s cock was hard against Jared’s hip.

Jensen breaks the kiss. His tongue sweeps out over red, kiss swollen lips. His eyes search Jared’s face. “I want to fuck you,” he says. “Yeah?”

Jared’s eyes go a wide because he’s never done this. The furthest he’s gotten is a hand job. But he suddenly finds himself bent over the vanity with his jeans around his ankles. If he was drunk or stoned a moment ago, everything seems hyper real now. Fluorescent light bounces off chrome and tile and mirror. He’s looking down at his hand splayed over the gold flecked Formica when a KY bottle clunks down next to it. The blue lettering seems to glow.

Then there’s fingers sliding up his crack, circling his asshole. One pushes in. It’s fine. Good even. He’s done this before on his own. It moves deeper, fucks in and out. He sighs.

“So tight,” Jensen says. He sounds breathless, voice husky and low. Jared feels blood pulsing in his cock. “You done this before?” Jensen asks.

“I, just my fingers,” Jared says.

“Fuck.” Jensen pants. “Like to see that. Those long fingers opening yourself up for me.” He pushes a second finger in and there’s a slight burn that quickly dissipates. He scissors them, stretching the muscles. He pushes a third in, and that, yeah, that’s a real stretch. That’s … They’re gone. He feels empty. He sees the hand that picks up the KY – the braided rawhide tied around the wrist, the silver ring on the middle finger, the star tattooed beside the thumb. The bottle sets back down, and the thick head of Jensen’s cock pushes against the rings of muscle. They stretch wider than he’s ever tried. There’s pain, bright and blinding.

Jensen pauses just a moment before pushing forward. Jared can’t breathe because his muscles are screaming. There’re tears in his eyes. Jensen stops moving when he’s fully engulfed in Jared. His fingers grip Jared’s hips, nails biting into his skin. Jared hears himself whimper.

“Relax, baby,” Jensen says. “Breathe.” He rubs Jared’s shoulder, grasps it and starts pulling out. Jared isn’t sure, but this may hurt more than the entrance. He drops his head into the sink and squeezes his eyes shut. He’s breathing. He’s practically sobbing. He wants to say, _No, stop,_ but he doesn’t because he wants this guy to like him. He doesn’t want to be a wimp. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad until it doesn’t. It feels … kind of awesome, the movement and fullness, and that spot, there, that Jensen keeps hitting that’s making his balls tight and his cock drool.

Then Jensen reaches around and grasps Jared’s cock, strokes it, and his balls draw up tight and hard, and he’s shooting come all over the front of the cabinet, shaking and moaning.

“Fuck,” Jensen says. He slams into Jared. “Holy fuck!” he groans, and through the beer and the pot and the pleasure, it occurs to Jared that his ass is being filled with come. He’s he just let some biker he’s never met before fuck him bareback. This is not the kind of thing they warned about in health class. Maybe, they should have.

Jensen lets his cock slide free and wipes Jared up with toilet paper. Jared’s still bent over. His legs feel shaky. Jensen pulls Jared’s jeans up and turns him around. He puts his arms around him, kisses him. Jared turns his face away.

“You okay?” Jensen asks.

“You didn’t use a condom.”

Jensen nods. “I’m careful. I get tested.”

“This wasn’t careful.”

“You said you were a virgin,” Jensen says. “I guess you could have lied.”

“I wasn’t lying.”

“Okay then, we’re good,” Jensen says.

“Yeah,” Jared says quietly.

They go back into the motel room with Jensen’s arm around him. Some of the guys are smirking, and two of the women exchange looks with eyebrows raised.

“Make a man of him, did ya, Jenny?” a blue eyed guy, Chris, says.

“Is that what it’s called these days?” Dex says.

“It’s getting late,” Jensen says, and the mood in the room changes. Conversations stop. Bodies rise, stretch, and begin moving toward the door. 

Chris is the last one to the door. He turns. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he says and then shakes his head. “Or, you know, just the opposite.”

“Shut up,” Jensen says. Chris laughs as he shuts the door behind him.

Jared looks around the room littered with beer cans. Smoke hangs in the air. A vampire movie is playing on the TV. Jensen is tossing beer cans in the trash. Jared’s just standing there. The last guest to leave. It’s four miles back to town. A long walk.

“I should probably get going,” he says. He shifts from foot to foot. The crack of his ass feels slick.

Jensen drops a can into the trash with a thunk. “Or,” he says and pulls Jared into his arms, “you could stay.”

Jared can’t really recall how he ended up naked in bed with Jensen between his legs sucking down his cock, but he remembers the light from the television flickering over the room and the wet, heat of Jensen’s mouth, the way Jensen moaned and swallowed down his come. The taste of it when Jensen kissed him. Jensen holding him and murmuring in his ear.

“I’m sorry I hurt you before. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

But he didn’t tell Mike all of it. Not that last part. He just said, “He asked me to spend the night.”

“After practically raping you?” Mike looked incredulous.

“He didn’t rape me,” Jared said. His throat is tight with anger.

“Look at this from the outside, Jay. As an attorney,” Mike said. “He took a seventeen-year-old virgin to a motel room, plied him with alcohol and illegal drugs, took him into the restroom and barebacked him.”

“I …” Jared clenches his jaw.

Mike looks around to see if anyone is paying attention to them. “Did he ask you if you wanted to be fucked?”

“I didn’t say no.”

“So he didn’t ask.”

“I didn’t … I wanted him.” The fact was Jared had wanted him, but he wasn’t so sure about being fucked. He’d been afraid to say _no_ , afraid that Jensen would send him home. He’d surrendered. He didn’t regret that. He wasn’t going to let Mike bully him into saying it was something it wasn’t.

“He didn’t even use a condom, Jay,” Mike said. He shoves the onion ring basket aside. “It’s a wonder he didn’t give you Hep or HIV or God knows what.”

“He wasn’t like that,” Jared said.

“What?! He picked up high school kids and fucked them in skeezy motel rooms. Probably still does.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Jared said.

He’d awakened with a pounding head despite the aspirin and water that Jensen had pushed on him the night before. It was probably just the pot that prevented him from feeling sick.

Jensen’s lying beside him. Light cuts in through the gap in the curtains revealing the scatter of freckles across his nose and cheeks, cast shadows from his lashes, catches the sun-streaked gold in his hair. The pink tip of tongue flicks out over his bottom lip, and his eyes flutter open.

“Hey,” Jensen says.

“Hey,” Jared replies.

Jensen pushes himself up on one elbow and looks at the clock. “Ugh.” He flops back down. Then, he looks over at Jared and smiles. “How ya doin’?”

“Head hurts,” Jared says. He doesn’t say that his ass hurts too.

Jensen sits up against the headboard and rummages around on the cluttered nightstand. He brings the roach of a joint to his plump lips, lights it and inhales deeply. He squints against the smoke and offers the roach to Jared who takes a hit and struggles to swallow the cough that’s clawing at his throat.

“There’s Coke in the fridge,” Jensen says and takes the roach back.

Jared slides out of bed and heads for the tiny refrigerator. He realizes he’s naked, but he’s had the guy’s dick in his ass, so what the hell. He gets a soda and pops it open. Downs about half of it in one long drink.

“Want one?” he asks.

“Yeah, sure,” Jensen replies. Jared snags another Coke and takes it to him.

Jared feels like something’s died in his mouth. “Wish I had a toothbrush.”

Jensen is checking text messages on his phone. “Use mine.”

Jared thinks that’s weird, but again, Jensen’s swallowed his come, so Jared using his toothbrush isn’t such a stretch. It’s weird this comfort that’s between them. He’s never really thought of sex this way. This sharing of bodies has created an intimacy that he’s never experienced with anyone before.

“Thanks,” he says and goes into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth, and wow, his mouth feels amazing. A shower would probably be a huge improvement too. He leans out the bathroom door.

Jensen is sitting there naked with one knee drawn up, eyes on his phone. The room around him is in shadow. The light from the window plays across his body. It’s like a painting. He’s so beautiful it makes Jared light headed. He wants to crawl back onto the bed suck Jensen off the way Jensen had him the night before, but he’s not sure he belongs in the painting.

“I’m, um, gonna take a shower, okay?” he says.

Jensen glances up. “Yeah, sure.”

Jared has just gotten soaped up under the hot stream of water when the shower curtain rustles. Jensen’s got a mouth full of toothpaste and the red toothbrush in his hand. There was something about that, Jensen using the same toothbrush that he’d just used, that makes him feel strangely giddy. He grins.

Jensen spits toothpaste at their feet and smiles. “You have the best smile,” he says.

Jared’s smile falters. “That’s what my mama always says.”

Jensen purses his lips. “You think she’s worried about you?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess, I should take you home, huh?”

Jared nods. “I guess.”

Jensen soaps up, and Jared starts to rinse when Jensen presses him against the tile and kisses him, deep and slow. His hands glide over Jared’s body as though mapping every ridge and dip. Jared is urgently, achingly hard as Jensen wraps a hand around both their cocks, strokes, hard lengths sliding together. Jared gasps and Jensen captures it with his mouth. It’s all quiet, desperate, without words, just mouths, hands, bodies, the slick slip of skin on skin. He clings to Jensen as come paints their bellies. He presses his face into the curve of Jensen’s neck.

“Sh, ‘s okay, baby,” Jensen whispers.

Jared doesn’t say all that to Mike. He’s not sure exactly what all he said. The pitcher sits empty. “Another?” the bar maid asks.

He knows Mike is going to ask for the check, but he cuts in. “Sure, why not? We’re walking,” Jared said.

Mike frowned as she walked away. “So he got you off a few times. You were teenager. How hard is that?”

Jared just stared at his boyfriend a moment. “He asked me to go with him.”

“He what?”

The bar maid set a full pitcher down between them and walked off. Jared refilled their glasses.

It was afternoon. Dex had his bike back from the shop, and everyone checked out of the motel. Bikes were packed. Jared was wondering how he was going to face his parents and the rest of an empty summer. But more than that, he was wondering how he could never see Jensen again.

“So we swinging back through town, yeah?” Chris yells.

Jensen looks at Jared who’s about to climb on his bike. He bites his lip. “You could come with me,” Jensen says.

Jared doesn’t think about it. He says, “Yeah, okay.” The smile that Jensen gives him is beautiful. He can’t believe he can make this guy look this way.

“Awesome,” Jensen says to him; then yells over to the others.  “Nah, we’re going north.”

Chris glances at Jared and nods. “Home?”

Jensen grins. “Yep.”

“Wait,” Mike said. “You just left town with the guy?”

“I, I know it sounds crazy. It was crazy,” Jared said. He picked a cold bit of onion ring out of the basket and popped it into his mouth. “You know I read about this study that found that the impulse center of the human brain doesn’t mature until like age 25.”

“Yeah? How old was he?”

“That isn’t the point,” Jared said.

“How old, Jared?”

“He was 24,” Jared said.

“Twenty-four. You know you may have been over the age of consent, but sodomy was still illegal then.”

“Yeah, Mike, I know. But Jensen, he ... he lives in a different world with different rules.”

“A criminal world,” Mike said. “A criminal underworld.”

Jared’s jaw clenched. “I know that better than you could possibly ...” He huffed. “It’s how he was raised. He never knew anything else. The world we live in? He only ever saw that on TV.”

Jared didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t this rambling ranch house surrounded by outbuildings in the middle of nowhere. It was connected to a narrow back road by a long lane.

Most of the bikers had stopped in a small town several miles back. Jensen, Chris, Dex and a couple other guys had continued on. They left the bikes in a low building with doorless parking bays stretched to one side of the house. Jensen grabbed his stuff and headed for the house.

“Come on,” he said to Jared who couldn’t help but notice the way Jensen’s faded jeans showed off his rather fine ass and slightly bowed legs as they walked up the porch steps. He felt a squirming excitement in his gut as they entered the relatively cool interior of the house.

The door opened into a living room that looked, well, lived in. The furniture was worn and scarred, the walls scuffed and dented. Jensen kicked at the leg of a sleeping man on the sofa. “Skit, get the fuck out of here, man,” Jensen said.

The man started upright and then fell back on the couch. “Fuck you, Jenny.” Jensen kicked him again, and the guy grabbed his leg. “Little fucker,” the guy exclaimed.

“Get the fuck out, freeloader,” Jensen said. “Go to the dog pen.”

“You ain’t the boss, Jenny boy,” Skit said.

Jensen was silent a moment, glaring at the man. “Don’t make me punch your ugly face,” Jensen said quietly.

“Hey!” There was a woman standing in the doorway on the other side of the living room. She was wiping her hands on a dish towel. “Hit the road or I’ll hold you down while Jensen fucks up your face.”

“Jesus, Sam, I ...”

“You heard her,” Jensen said.

The guy struggled to his feet and staggered out the front door. Jensen headed toward the doorway where the woman stood. She smiled.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” she said. “I can always tell when you’ve arrived.”

Jensen didn’t reply. He just started to push past her.

“And who’s this?” she asked.

Jensen glanced back at him. “Jared.”

“Hello, Jared,” she said. Her voice was husky like she’d smoked a couple packs a day since she was twelve. She looked tough, like the other women, but not unkind.

“Um, hi,” he says.

“The old man around?” Jensen asked her.

“He ran out to Goatweed. Said he’d be back tonight,” she replied.

Jensen just nodded and continued down the hallway. “Come on, Jared.”

He followed Jensen, but he could feel Sam’s eyes on him as he walked away. Jensen led him down a hallway and through a doorway that looked like a rough hole cut into the wall. There was another hallway lit by a bare light bulb. Jared realized that they’d left the original ranch house and entered an addition. The walls were un-taped drywall and plywood. Jensen continued down the hallway to a door secured with a padlock. He took out a key and let them in.

On the floor was a king-size mattress covered in a black fitted sheet. The top sheet was twisted across one corner and trailed along the floor. A lamp sat on the floor next to the mattress, and a wide dresser of dark wood was pushed against the far wall. One drawer was missing like a gap tooth, and there was a pile of folded jeans lying on top. The mirror that hung above had a crack running diagonally across it. A blue bedspread hung over the window.

Jensen dropped his stuff on the floor and turned to Jared. “You want me to take you home?”

“I ... no,” Jared said. “No.”

A smile pulled at Jensen’s lips. “Good,” he said. “So, I don’t lock the door when I’m around, but I’ll get you a key anyway. Bathroom’s in there.” He pointed toward a doorway in the corner.

“Okay,” Jared said. “That woman, Sam, is she ...”

“No, she’s my dad’s girlfriend, common law wife, whatever.”

“You don’t like her?”

Jensen sat down on the mattress and pulled his boots off. “Nah, she’s okay, really. Backed me up in there, didn’t she? She’s just ... she’s not my mom.”

Jared nodded like he understood, but he didn’t. “Your mom, she’s ...”

Jensen shrugs. “Don’t know. Doesn’t matter.” He looked up at Jared and held out his hand. “Come here, baby.”

Jared dropped to his knees on the mattress. “Why do you call me that?”

“You don’t like it?”

“I don’t not like it,” Jared said.

Jensen laughs. Jared can’t describe how that laugh, warm and husky, makes him feel. He doesn’t understand why blood rushes to his groin when he hears it. Jensen’s hand cups the back of Jared’s head and pulls him into a kiss. Jensen takes it slow this time, exploring Jared’s mouth and neck, sucking bruises below his ear. He strips them both naked and presses Jared onto his back. He hovers over him on his hands and knees. When Jared tries to pull Jensen down on top of him, Jensen smiles.

“I want to fuck you here in my bed, our bed,” Jensen says. “Can I do that?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, I want you to,” he says.

Jensen takes his time working Jared open before pushing his legs up and sliding into him. The pain is sharp but brief. When Jensen’s balls deep in him, he leans over and kisses Jared.

“Good?”

“Yeah, please,” he says.

Jensen fucks him slowly and thoroughly, watching Jared’s face as he gradually comes apart. This time, Jensen doesn’t touch Jared’s cock. Jared doesn’t either until the very last moment. This feels so good, being filled with Jensen’s flesh, this connection, and he wants it to last. He’s taken by surprise when his orgasm hits with sudden force, arching him off the mattress with a cry. Come shoots hot and slick all the way to his chin. Through the fog of pleasure, he hears Jensen laugh and then gasp as his own climax overcomes him. Jensen pushes into him, spilling his seed deep inside Jared.

He looks up. Jensen is rocking, eyes shut, pouty lips in an O. This could become addictive, Jared thinks. Jensen opens his eyes. That look right there, Jared thinks, he’ll never get enough of that.

Jensen pulls out and lies down beside Jared. “Stay with me,” he says.

“Yeah,” Jared says and nuzzles Jensen’s neck. He feels so warm, so relaxed.

He wakes up alone and rolls over. It’s almost dark in the room except for light spilling from the bathroom doorway. Jensen emerges from the bathroom with a towel around his waist. His hair is hanging loose and wet over his shoulder, almost to his waist, and he’s clean shaven. He looks younger, prettier. There’s something vulnerable about him. He drops to his knees beside Jared. The towel pulls up his legs. Jared slides his hand up the inside of Jensen’s thigh, and Jensen leans forward, kisses him. His hair falls around them. It smells faintly of coconut.

There was a knock at the door and Jensen sits up. “Yeah, what?”

A man steps inside and turns on the overhead light. He’s as tall as Jensen, but dark haired with a grizzled beard and dark eyes. He’s wearing boots, jeans and a sleeveless AC/DC t-shirt worn so thin it was practically see-through. His gaze went from Jensen to Jared and back again.

“This nosy fucker is my dad, JD,” Jensen said. “And this is Jared.”

JD cocked an eyebrow at Jensen. “Puppies and kittens weren’t enough? You dragging stray boys home now?”

Jensen just shrugged, but Jared felt good knowing that Jensen didn’t usually bring guys home.

“Same rules apply,” JD said.

“Don’t worry,” Jensen said. “He’s mine. I’ll take care of him.”

He liked that Jensen claimed him, but he felt like more had been said than he understood. JD nodded.

“What about Hargrove? You take care of that?”

Jensen looked annoyed. “Yeah, of course I did.”

JD turned to leave and then looked at Jared. “You do what Jensen tells you. Got it?”

Jared just nodded.

“Leave him alone,” Jensen said. “I said, I’d take care of him.”

JD looked surprised. His gaze flicked back and forth again before settling on Jensen. “Watch your smartass mouth. I can still kick your ass, little boy.”

Jensen scoffed. “Yeah, whatever, big man.” He smirked.

JD just shook his head and left. Jensen ran his fingers through his hair and separated it. He began to braid it with deft fingers.

“Is my being here a problem?” Jared asked.

“No,” Jensen said. His head was tilted to the side, the braid hanging over his right shoulder as he worked his way down.

“I don’t want to cause trouble for you,” Jared said.

Jensen laughed.

“Why is that funny?” Jared asked.

“Trouble? In the greater scheme of things, you ... No, baby, you aren’t trouble. Things just work differently here. Stick with me. You’ll be fine.”

“Were you fine?” Mike asked.

Jared shrugged. “There were some hiccups. This one time, I got a beer out of the refrigerator, and this big dude, Slag, called me out on it. He said it was his beer. I thought he was going to beat the shit out of me. Jensen walked into the kitchen, asked what the problem was. Slag told him, you know. Jensen took the beer from me, and said to him, _This is your beer_? Slag said, _Yeah._ Jensen spit in the bottle and set it down in front of him; said, _Enjoy your beer_.” Jared laughed. “Man, Slag shot out of his chair, and Jensen didn’t flinch. The guy was like twice Jen’s size, but Jensen just stared him down.”

“What happened?”

“Slag sat down and drank the beer.”

“Because Jensen was the boss’s son.”

“That’s what I thought at the time,” Jared said. “But a few weeks later, there were a bunch of us getting ready to go somewhere. JD had been kind of tense, but it didn’t stop Jensen from being a smartass. Never did. I don’t remember what he said, but JD backhanded him across the mouth. Jensen literally licked blood off his lip and just looked at his dad. _Don’t even think about it, boy,_ JD said. That probably would have been it, but one of the guys made some comment about ‘little Jenny,’ and Jensen cold-cocked him. It was so fast and just ... vicious. I mean the guy went down, blood gushing out of his nose, and he was out.”

Jared stared into the amber liquid in his glass. He thought he should probably stop drinking but knew he wouldn’t. Not until the story was done. He’d never forget the look on Jensen’s face – eyes narrowed, lip curled. Jared had wondered how this could be the same guy who looked so vulnerable in their bed.

“What did his dad do?” Mike asked.

Jared looked up. He’d almost forgotten Mike was sitting there for a moment. “He rolled his eyes and told ‘em to take the guy to the dog pen.”

“The dog pen?”

“Yeah, it was this sort of cabin where they took guys who were really drunk or whatever. Whenever they didn’t want them in the house.”

“That didn’t freak you out at all? Jensen being so ...”

“Violent? It’s not how I knew him. He was never like that with me.”

Mike squeezed his eyes shut. He let out a breath and opened them. “That’s not what I mean. It was indicative of his life. You said it earlier – it’s how he was raised. That world ...”

“I’m not with him, Michael,” Jared said. “Who are you trying to convince?”

Mike’s mouth dropped open. He nodded. “So what happened?”

Jared suddenly didn’t feel drunk enough. He drained his glass. “Well, it was October, and long story short. I knew ... I was on the inside. I guess, it was inevitable, you know, being with Jensen, the boss’s son, but anyway, there was a situation, um, a disagreement, and Dex was shot. We were all standing out front of the house and he went down right there in the driveway. Died.”

There’s a long pause before Mike said, “It could have been you.”

“It could have been Jen lying there at my feet bleeding out in the dirt.” The sick fear in his belly is a physical memory.

He’d fled into the house where Jensen found him and held him as he shook and cried. Jensen had drawn the grief and fear from him with kisses, turned the fearful chill to heated lust. They’d spent nearly 24 hours kissing and fucking and talking. Jared wished they could just stay that way, but JD eventually barged in and told them to get the fuck up and be useful.

“A few days later, I told him I wanted to go home. He looked like I’d kicked him in the gut.” Jared’s eyes stung, and he blinked. “The next day he took me into town and put me on a bus back to Heyworth.”

Mike didn’t say anything. He finished his beer and rubbed his eyes.

“It’s where you got the tattoo,” Mike finally said.

There’s a coiled rattle snake with the star of Texas in the background on his right upper arm. It’s blurry and faded. Brother Serpents.

Jared nodded. “Yeah, my folks wanted me to get it removed, but ... I kept it as a reminder not to be seduced by pretty, dangerous things.”

Mike sighed. “I’m sorry, Jay,” he said. “It must have been, I don’t know, strange running into him today.”

“Yeah,” Jared said with a rueful smile. “Yeah, it was ... strange. A friend of his had a court date, and he just stopped by for a beer. I never thought I’d see him again, you know? I’m taller than him now.” Jared saw the same green eyes that crinkled at the corners when Jensen smiled at him.

“Look at you,” Jensen had said. “You grew up good.” And fuck if that gaze and that voice didn’t do things to Jared that he hadn’t felt in nine years. Jared wasn’t the only one who’d grown up. Jensen’s shoulders were broader, arms more muscular. He’d gone from pretty to handsome.

They’d exchanged info – Jensen was with a friend in court, Jared was having a beer with his boyfriend. He’d made a point of saying boyfriend like it was a defense, and Jensen’s eyes had narrowed as though he had some kind of claim on Jared. Or maybe, he’d seen through Jared’s ruse. He’d said he had to get going. Wished Jared well.

“We should head home,” Mike said.

“Yeah,” Jared said. He didn’t feel like going home, but there was no reason to stay here. The story was over. He felt drained. He pushed himself to his feet and stopped with his hand flat on the table. He swayed a bit but got his sea legs and followed Mike to the door.

It was an unusually cool night, and the air revived him a little. He fell into step beside Mike. They were lost in their own thoughts, but Jared’s steps faltered when he heard the roar of a motorcycle. He turned, but it was gone.

 


	2. Freedom's Just Another Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen’s never quite gotten over the kid he seduced nine years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta’ed. All mistakes obviously my own. Title borrowed: S _top Draggin' My Heart Around_ , performed by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, written by Tom Petty and Mike Campbell. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/)**meus_venator**.

  


[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/19826)

 

Jensen kicked his legs out under the kitchen table and took a drink of beer. He felt restless. It was too early in the morning to be up. The house was too quiet. He pulled the plastic tray in the center of the table toward him. He unrolled the plastic baggie lying on it and dumped out a portion of the dried weed into the tray. He shook the bag to evenly distribute its contents in the bottom, rolled it back up closed the zip lock.

The weed was gritty and sticky as he rubbed it between his fingers, breaking apart the stems and seeds and buds. The scent was green and cloying, familiar as his pillow. He glanced at JD who sat to his left sipping coffee and doing the crossword puzzle. The newspaper was folded in quarters and reading glasses sat halfway down his nose. Jensen smirked.

“How’d it go in Dallas?” JD asked.

Jensen shrugged. Pup, his sort of boyfriend/fuck buddy, had been arrested almost a month before and charged with trafficking. JD wasn’t concerned about Pup, just that he might squeal. He was considered a weak link. The pressure was on Jensen to keep him loyal. Jensen was just glad that he hadn’t brought Pup into the organization in the first place. He wasn’t so sure that he had the kind of influence over Pup that was needed.

“I ran into Jared when I was there,” Jensen said. He hadn’t meant to talk about the chance meeting, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Who?” JD asked without looking up from his puzzle.

Jensen didn’t answer. He just side-eyed JD before going back to his task. He tipped the tray toward him and gently shook it to get the seeds to roll to the bottom edge.

“Oh, you mean that skinny boy that ripped your heart out and stomped it,” JD said.

“He didn’t ...” Jensen huffed and shut his mouth because Jared had, and JD knew it. JD was there to see the long, drunken, self-destructive aftermath.

“And?”

Jensen shrugged. “Ran into him in a bar with his boyfriend.” The last word came out with a twisted sneer too late to stop it.

JD lowered the paper and peered at him over his reading glasses. “And?” he asked.

“And nothing,” Jensen said. He knew exactly what JD was asking. “I didn’t actually meet the boyfriend.”

JD nodded. “That’s good.” He raised the paper back up and turned his attention to it.

“He’s grown up. Jared,” Jensen said.

“Hm, that happens,” JD said.

“He’s really tall and muscular, just ... same smile though,” Jensen said. He hated the way that smile made him feel. He wasn’t really talking to JD who he didn’t think was listening anyway. “Gorgeous.”

“I don’t really want to hear about your big gay wet dream,” JD deadpanned, but his eyes crinkled in amusement. “Never understood what you saw in that boy anyway.” He squinted through his glasses and penned something into the crossword.

Jensen pulled a rolling paper out the pack and folded it. “No one looked at me like he did,” Jensen said.

JD looked up, took off his glasses, and laid them on the table. Jensen knew the gesture was one of interest. He looked back at his hands as they rolled the paper around the weed. He brought it to his mouth and licked the edge before sealing it and twisting the ends.

“You remember that trip?” Jensen asked. “You sent me down to talk to that distributor, Hargrove?”

JD nodded and took a sip of coffee.

“I did. Handled it myself,” he said. “Dex said I did good.” His lips twitched, fighting to form a smile and a grimace when he thought of Dex. “A bunch of the guys had come along for the ride. Needed to just get out, you know?” He put the joint to his lips and lit it. Took a long hit. He offered it to JD who took it from his fingers. Jensen closed his eyes a moment. He ears felt muffled, but the sound of the kitchen clock became insistent. When he opened his eyes, everything had a dreamy quality. “Anyway, Dex’s bike broke down near this town that wasn’t much more than a wide place in the road. Heyworth. But there was a garage. Old school and the dude knew how to work on Harleys. We went into the local watering hole for a beer.”

It was still early in the day, and the place was nearly empty, but the owner was clearly uncomfortable with the group of long-haired, tattooed bikers. And after a few a beers, Bildo and Chris got into a heated argument. Jensen wasn’t in the mood to bail anyone out of jail. He’d taken care of business for JD and gotten Dex’s approval. He felt relief. Dex was his dad’s right hand man. Jensen wanted to check this trip off as a success without any trouble on the way home.

He got everyone moving out the door and put on his shades as he stepped into the glare of the midday sun. There was a kid standing there looking at the line of bikes. He was clearly trying to not draw attention to himself, but he was as tall as Jensen, lanky, with a mess of chestnut hair that fell over his forehead. The fox-tilted eyes that peered from beneath were bright with interest.

“I asked him which one he liked,” Jensen said. He took another hit and chased it with a sip of beer. “He pointed at my bike. I just thought it was a funny coincidence, you know? Wasn’t even sure why I was talking to the kid,” he said around the smoke trailing from his mouth. “Then, I don’t know, I think that’s when I took my sunglasses off, and the way he looked at me. You know how it is usually. People look at us like we’re going to rape their dogs and pillage their wives.”

JD barked out a laugh and nodded.

“He looked at me like ...”

“Like what?” JD asked.

“I don’t know, like I was ice cream.” Jensen felt heat rise in his cheeks.

“Vanilla or double chocolate decadence?”

Jensen laughed. “Asshole.” He took a drink of beer. “Anyway, I offered to give him a ride around the block, and he smiled like it was Christmas morning.

JD smiled. “Yeah, the kid had quite a grin.” He pushed his chair back so it was balanced on the back legs.

Jensen met his father’s gaze in a silent understanding. “I didn’t stop to let him off. I just kept going out of town. I just ...” His throat felt too dry to swallow, and he took a drink of beer. “We were going to have to spend the night while Dex’s bike got fixed, and there was a motel out by the interstate.”

JD cocked an eyebrow at him. “You didn’t ask him if he wanted to go to a motel with you?”

“I offered to take him home when we got there,” Jensen replied. “He said, _no_ , so a bunch of us ended up in my room watching movies and stuff.”

The front legs of JD’s chair hit the floor with a bang and he leaned his elbows on the table. “It didn’t occur to you that someone might have seen him leave town with you? That they might come looking for him and find him drinking beer and smoking pot and getting fucked?”

“I didn’t plan on ...”

“Shut the fuck up. I’m not that stupid,” JD said.

Jensen sucked air through his teeth and nodded. “I told myself that I wasn’t going to.” The joint was lying unlit in the ashtray, and he considered lighting it back up. He drained his beer instead. “I told myself I wanted to talk to someone new instead of the same people I talked to all the time. Someone who had other interests. Someone who didn’t see me as your kid.”

JD scoffed. “It’s not like you didn’t pick up guys in bars all the time.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Yeah, guys playing tough. Wannabe bikers or worse, bikers who ...”

“Who what?”

“You know what,” Jensen growled. “Guys who wanted to make me their bitch.”

JD dropped his head, and when he raised it he ran his hands over his face. “Maybe, I’m more observant than some people,” JD said. He seemed to be staring at a space about two feet in front of the stove. “But by the time you were 14, it was pretty clear what you liked, who. Growing up here, like you did, this kind of life ... You were a smart kid, and I knew you wouldn’t have chosen it. It’s just how you were.” JD looked him in the eye then. “I know it’s been hard sometimes.”

“Could’ve been worse,” Jensen said. “You always backed me up.”

A smile tugged at JD’s lips. “Didn’t hurt that you were stubborn and a mean little son of a bitch.”

Jensen grinned and got up. He tossed the beer bottle into the trash and went to the refrigerator for another. “Want one?”

“Why not? A man can only drink so much coffee.”

Jensen got two beers and popped the caps off with the opener screwed into the door facing.

He sat back down and handed one to JD. “Anyway, it wasn’t just about sex,” Jensen said. “I know you think it’s weird, but we talked about books. He’d been reading a bunch of stuff in class that spring that I’d read _– Of Mice and Men_ and _Brave New World_.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“He told me about Heyworth, how there was nothing to do and us showing up that day was like the biggest thing that had happened in town since the grain silo by the tracks blew up when he was 12, and how he had a whole summer of the same nothing to look forward to.” Jensen picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I couldn’t really imagine that, you know? I mean, we’d moved around, and there’s always different people and shit going on. And we go places. I told him that, about my life, and he looked so ... I don’t know, like he wanted that too.”

 _Like he wanted me,_ Jensen thought. He didn’t say it. He couldn’t believe how much he was saying as it was. He didn’t talk to JD like this.

“You know I tried,” JD said.

“What?”

“When he left.” JD’s voice was rough. “I tried to get you to talk about it.”

Jensen’s chest felt tight, and his eyes stung.

“I know how it feels to have someone leave,” JD said.

“Yeah well, Jared wasn’t ...” He swallows down the word _junkie_. “She left me too.”

“I know she did, son.” JD cleared his throat. “People have different reasons for leaving. Doesn’t make it easier.”

“Yeah, it’s just that when I brought him here, I offered to take him home. He said he wanted to stay and after all that time, I thought he would.”

“This wasn’t his world, Jensen,” JD said. “You knew that, and sometimes, love ain’t enough.”

The rumbling exhaust of Sam’s old Ford pick-up came from outside. Jensen lit the joint and took a hit. JD put his glasses back on and picked up the crossword. A moment later, Sam pushed the back door open and came in with her arms full of grocery bags. She put them on the counter and started emptying them with her back to them.

“They were all out of those rising crust pizzas,” she said. Sam wasn’t into being a homemaker, but she knew how to stock a freezer so the guys could take care of themselves. No one complained. “But I got that double chocolate ice cream you like, Jensen.”

He swallowed a mouthful of smoke with a long drink of beer, and JD didn’t look up.

She turned around and put a hand on her hip. “What’s wrong with you two?”

Jensen and JD glanced at each other. “Nothing,” Jensen said. He stood and headed toward the back door with his beer, and JD got up and went into the living room. Jensen sat down on the top step with his elbows on his knees. He scrubbed his hand over his eyes.

He and Jared would sit there at night and look at the stars, name the constellations, get high, and make out. Jared kissed like no one else, like it was a promise that his heart was making, as though he was giving Jensen everything, letting him in, denying him nothing. Jensen had thought he’d have that forever. He couldn’t believe it had been a lie or that Jared could have taken it back.

The screen door creaked and banged shut. Sam sat down next to him and bumped shoulders. She put a Marlboro between her lips and lit it, squinted against the smoke. Jensen drank his beer.

“JD tells me you ran into Jared in Dallas,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“How’s he doin’?”

“Good,” Jensen said. “He’s an attorney, livin’ with a guy.” He shrugged. “Livin’ the life.” From the corner of his eye, he could see her turn her head toward him.

“Yeah? That what you think he wanted?”

“Guess so.”

“Why do you think he left?” she asked.

He glanced over at her. “This wasn’t his world. He missed his family, felt guilty for worrying them, and then when Dex was killed. It scared him, you know.”

“Did you talk about it?” she asked.

Jensen remembered the hours afterward, holding Jared as he shook and cried. They’d made love and talked. They’d talked around it. “No, not really.”

She took a drag off the cigarette. “We talked about it the day before he left.” She turned her head and blew the smoke away from him. “He kept saying that it could have been you lying there bleeding out in the dirt. Those were his words. You could die, and then he said, he’d have nothing.”

He turned and looked in her eyes and saw the truth of it.

“He wasn’t afraid for himself, Jensen.”

He looked out over the scrubby, brown fields. “Doesn’t change anything,” he said.

“Maybe not,” she said. She patted his knee, got up and went inside. The screen door slapped shut behind her.

Jensen didn’t quite know how to process that information. He thought of that first night in the motel room being high on pot and beer and Jared. He’d brushed the messy hair out of Jared’s eyes, and they’d fluttered closed as he leaned his head into Jensen’s hand. They could have been the only people in the world. Jensen had leaned in and kissed him, and from that first time, there was no hesitation, no resistance. Jared’s mouth opened for him like an offering. It was hot and wet – beer and pot and Hostess cupcake sweet.

He was so aroused, so overwhelmed when he broke the kiss, that when Dex told him to quit teasing the boy, he didn’t hesitate to pull Jared into the bathroom and continue kissing him. The kid pushed his crotch against Jensen’s thigh, tried to rub his hard on against him, and Jensen pinned his hips against the vanity with his own because he wasn’t about to let the kid get off like that. He pushed his hands under Jared’s shirt, and his skin was so hot and silky smooth. One hand trailed down to the small of Jared’s back, fingers dipping below his beltline, along his spine, into the upper crease of his ass. Jared writhed against him. All Jensen could think of was getting inside him.

When he broke the kiss, Jared’s mouth tried to follow his. Jensen said, “I wanna fuck you, yeah?” His fingers were already working Jared’s fly open, and he spun him around, pulled his jeans off his hips. They puddled around his ankles. He had such a pretty ass, muscular and smooth and round. Precome pulsed from Jensen’s cock.

Jensen’s toiletry bag was on the vanity, and he grabbed the bottle of KY he kept there and slicked his fingers. He traced the edges of Jared’s puckered hole, pressed and slipped inside. It was so tight and silky and burning hot. Jared gasped and tipped his hips up.

Jensen is pretty sure that the kid is a virgin, but asks, “Have you don’t this before?”

“I, just with my fingers,” Jared says. He sounds breathless. Fuck, that’s so hot. Jensen wants to see that, the boy working himself open with those long, elegant fingers. He says so. His cock is throbbing, and if doesn’t get inside Jared soon, he’s going to cream his shorts. He pushes a second finger in, and Jared moans a little, pushes back against Jensen’s hand. Jensen scissors his fingers, twists inside, before adding a third. He wants to make sure the kid is opened up good, but he’s so fucking aroused, desperate with need. He pulls his fingers out watching Jared’s hole contract.

He yanks his fly open and slicks his cock, presses the head against the opening. He watches as the flesh bows in under the pressure. He pushes a little more, and more before it opens for him. It swallows the crown and Jared gasps. Jensen pauses for what seems an eternity. He’s fighting with everything he has to not thrust in hard and fast because Jesus fucking Christ, his body wants this. Every nerve and muscle is fighting him to move, and he does, pushing all the way in.

Jared whimpers. Jensen’s hurting him. He doesn’t want to do that. He wants this to be good. “Relax, baby,” Jensen says. “Breathe.” He rubs Jared’s shoulder, grasps it and starts pulling out. Jared shudders under him. He doesn’t know if it’s bad or good, but he pushes back in. Sets up a steady rhythm, and fuck, it’s so tight, so perfect, and Jared starts moaning. Jensen picks up the pace and reaches under Jared to stroke the kid’s cock. It’s big and so hard, and Jensen imagines what it will feel like in his mouth, how it will taste.

And Jensen’s right on the edge when Jared’s cock twitches in his hand, come spills across it; and his muscles clench around Jensen’s dick. His orgasm hits so hard, it’s momentarily painful. Then, pleasure washes through him. He shoves deep into Jared as he comes. His cock is bathed in his own juices, inside this boy that he wants to be his.

He presses his chest against Jared’s back and kisses him between the shoulder blades. From that first time, Jensen could never get enough of the kid. It wasn’t like him. He’d always been a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy, but Jared … JD had been right when he’d once compared him to the stray cats and dogs that Jensen had brought home over the years. It wasn’t a decision. They were just his. And he’d meant what he’d said to JD, Jared was his and he’d take care of him.

But he’d had a dog once when he was about 10. It was a black and white border collie named Chance. He was an awesome dog. All the guys loved him. He was friendly and happy. He was so well-behaved that he was allowed in the main part of the house, not just Jensen’s room. He slept on Jensen’s bed and sat at his feet when he watched TV. But Chance liked to run. Sometimes, he’d be gone for hours, and it worried Jensen like crazy. He’d go out on the porch and search the horizon for that black and white spot amongst the brown scrub. One day, Chance didn’t come home by dark. He didn’t come home the next day. Or the next.

Almost a week later, JD found Jensen on the front porch at seven o’clock in the morning, looking across the fields and waiting. JD said, “I don’t think he’s coming home, son,” and Jensen turned, threw his arms around his dad and bawled like a baby. JD rubbed his back until the tears subsided, took him in the house, and made pancakes. It was the last time Jensen cried in front of his dad.

Jensen pushed the memory away. He went back in the house and poured the rest of his beer down the sink before going to his room and throwing some clothes and toiletries into his duffle bag. It wasn’t ten minutes between the back porch and heading out the front door.

JD was standing on the porch with a beer in his hand talking to Bildo. “Where you going?”

“Dallas,” Jensen said on his way down the steps.

“Jensen …”

He turned and saw the look on JD’s face. He knew what his father was thinking. “I gotta know,” he said.

“You said he’s with someone,” JD said.

Jensen nodded. “He isn’t happy.”

JD rolled his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“I do,” he said. “It isn’t the same. I know it.” He turns away and heads for the garage.

“Just … fuck,” JD curses behind him.

Jensen knew he was right. He knew Jared. He was sure of it. What he’d seen that night he ran into Jared told him that Jared didn’t love the guy.

Jensen had spent the morning sitting in court waiting for Pup’s case to come up only to have it continued again. Pup had caught a ride back to his mom’s house with his brother, and Jensen decided to grab a burger and a beer at a nearby bar. The place was getting busy and loud by the time he finished. He’d just pushed his empty beer glass away and was moving toward the front door when he was nearly run down by a wall of man holding two full beer glasses. He stepped quickly back trying not to spill anything on Jensen.

“Shit, dude, I’m sorry,” and then, “Jen?” He looks up at this tall, broad shouldered guy with messy hair and fox-tilted eyes. It’s like a fist around his heart. He hesitates for just a moment, pasting a smile on his face.

“Jared, hey, how are you?”

And just that little encouragement, Jared breaks into a huge smile, dimples crease his cheeks, and Jensen can’t breathe.

“I’m, I’m great. You?”

Jensen nods. “Good.”

“Yeah? JD and Sam?” There’s a flicker of tension, uncertainty in Jared’s eyes as though he might have asked something he shouldn’t.

“They’re fine. Same old thing,” he says. Jared relaxes. Part of Jensen wants to bask in that sunny smile forever, but another wants to flee. He looks Jared up and down and shakes his head. “You sure have grown up.”

Jared laughs. “Yeah, right? Who’d have guessed I’d get taller than you.”

“Yeah,” Jensen says. “So whatta ya do?”

“Oh, I’m just here having a beer with my boyfriend.”

If Jensen didn’t think he knew Jared better, he’d think Jared was trying to send him a message, but that wasn’t like Jared.

“Oh you mean, what do I _do_? I, um, I’m an attorney.”

“No shit? Huh.” Jensen can’t quite reconcile that with the Jared who loved novels and physics.

“Yeah, so what are you doing around here?” Jared shifts from foot to foot, still holding the two beers.

“Friend had a court date,” he says. He was tempted to say boyfriend, but he couldn’t use that word, not with Jared. It wasn’t the truth anyway.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Something catches Jared’s eye over Jensen’s shoulder, and there’s a flicker of apprehension in his eyes.

“Yeah, so I need to hit the road,” Jensen says.

“Oh right, wow, it was great seeing you, Jen, I …” Jared suddenly looks confused and a little lost.

“You too. Take care.” Jensen walks right past Jared and out the door.

It wasn’t the last time he saw Jared. That came later that evening. It was fall, and unusually cool. Jensen really meant what he’d said about heading home, but he hadn’t. He’d set down on a crate in the shadows of an alley across the street. He’d waited. He knew it was weird and stalkerish, but he had to see Jared again before he left town.

By the time Jared emerged from the bar, the crowds on the street had dispersed and the sun was throwing shadows across the pavement, but the front of the bar was still washed in sunlight. Jared followed a dark haired guy onto the sidewalk. He blinked against the light as though he was surprised that it wasn’t dark outside. Jensen could tell by his loose-limbed movements that he was drunk. He fell into step beside the other guy who had his hands jammed in his pockets and his head down as though angry. They didn’t speak to one another as they headed away on the other side of the street.

Then there was the roar of a motorcycle down the block, and Jared stopped and turned. His eyes swept the street for the source. Jensen moved back into the shadows. Jared’s head was lifted, still searching when his boyfriend reached out and grabbed his arm to get his attention. Jared shoulders slumped. He turned back and began walking away.

Jensen had leaned against the brick wall beside him and watched until they were out of sight.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24800)

Jared looked up from the case file he was reviewing and realized the light was dying. He was only a couple of years out of law school and was still trying to prove himself with long hours, and being an attorney himself, Mike understood.

They’d met in the hallways of the courthouse two years earlier. Mike was slightly older, a little more experienced. He’d moved to Dallas from Houston three months earlier. They’d hit it off – similar taste in movies and take out food. They’d dated for almost a year before moving in together. Mike had wanted it to be sooner, but Jared was reluctant. He chalked it up to being gun shy. He liked Mike a lot, cared about him even if his jealousy was grating.

Lately, Mike had been prickly – ever since they’d run into Jensen and Jared had told his boyfriend about those months at the compound. Jared had tried not to let it bother him. He knew he should pay Mike more attention to reassure him. That’s what he usually did when Mike had one of his unreasonable jealousy spells, but Jared found himself pulling away instead. They’d only had sex twice, and it had been quick, emotionless – more Jared just giving in to get it over with.

He reached up and turned the desk light on. One more file and he’d go home. Jared had spent more and more time at the office, working out at the gym or running early in the morning. He knew it wasn’t healthy and only contributed to Mike’s insecurities, but he didn’t know how to turn things around. Mike’s jealousy and Jared’s resentment just fed off each other.

Dusk was settling over the city, and he couldn’t concentrate on his work anyway. He could hear the custodian down the hallway vacuuming. He needed to go home and have a real talk with his boyfriend. He had to confront the situation, tell Mike again that he had no reason to be jealous and that Jared wanted to work things out. He sighed and got up stretching his arms over his head and arching his back to try to release the tension in his shoulders. He dropped his hands to his head and ran his fingers back through his hair.

There was a movement in the doorway. The vacuum was silent – probably Mr. Placovich come to empty the trash. “Hey …” He looked up and his breath caught in his throat. “Jensen … what are you doing here?”

Jensen didn’t answer for a moment. He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb. Nine years on, how could this guy with his long hair and tattoos still look like a Calvin Klein model? Jensen’s lips curled slightly and his eyes crinkled at the corners. Jared realized they were staring at one another.

“Look,” he stammered, “if you need an attorney …”

“I don’t need an attorney, Jared.”

Jared could almost hear the unspoken _I need you,_ and he swallowed the dry lump in his throat.

“I need to talk to you,” Jensen said.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about,” Jared said. “Nothing has changed.”

Jensen moved into the room, but he didn’t sit in one of the guest chairs or approach the desk. He walked right around it. Jared thought he should say _stop_ or grab his briefcase and leave, but he was frozen watching Jensen who was close enough to touch when Jared held up a hand like a traffic cop.

“You and me, we still live in different worlds,” he said. It was too warm in the office. The thermostats must have been set to go up after client hours.

Jensen nodded. “I know, and that isn’t going to change, but I come to Dallas a lot.”

Jared let out a rueful laugh. “And what? You think we could just hook up once in a while?”

Jensen’s brows knit. “You know it was never just about sex with us.”

“I told you, I’m with someone,” Jared said, and that was supposed to be the trump card, the one thing that men were supposed to respect – _Sorry, already taken_.

“But do you love him?” Jensen asked, and he didn’t look like the heat was affecting him at all. Jared wondered how that was possible.

“Yeah, of course,” Jared answers. “I live with Mike. I care a lot about him.” It’s ridiculously hot in the office. Perspiration is beading on his forehead.

“Sure, but are you in love with him? Does he make you feel like I do?” Jensen takes a step toward him.

“Did – like you _did,”_ Jared corrects.

Jensen nods. He’s close enough now that he has to tip his head up to hold Jared’s gaze. “Yeah, like I did, but not anymore. You haven’t been thinking about me since we ran into each other.”

Jared should say that he hasn’t, but he’s never out right lied to Jensen. He looks into those big, green eyes and sees the vulnerability, knows it for what it is, and he can’t. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Jen.”

Neither of them breathes for a moment.

“Oh, baby,” falls from Jensen’s lips like sigh, and then he’s cupping Jared’s head and licking into his mouth. It takes Jared a moment to realize that he’s been returning the kiss for a while and his hands are gripping Jensen’s arms. His brain tries to kick back into gear, get him to pull away, but he just backs himself against the wall and Jensen follows.

He kisses along Jared’s jaw and sucks at that sensitive spot beneath his ear. Jared’s head hits the wall with a thud. Jensen’s hands move between them and undo Jared’s fly. He shoves a hand down Jared’s boxerbriefs even as his teeth scrape along Jared’s Adams’ apple. His hand smears precome down the length of Jared’s aching cock, and Jared moans.

“Fuck, I’ve missed those sounds,” Jensen growls and drops to his knees and swallows Jared’s cock so quickly Jared’s knees nearly buckle. Jensen pulls back off to the tip, licks over it, teases the bundle of nerves on the underside with the tip of his tongue before going down again. His throat flutters around Jared’s cock. Jesus fucking Christ, Jensen’s mouth – Jared’s never felt anything else like it. Never met any guy who was so good or loved giving head so much.

Jared looks down at where Jensen’s gorgeous lips are stretched around his dick, and his balls are like stones. Jensen’s lashes flutter as he sinks onto Jared, nose pressed into his thatch. He raises his gaze to Jared’s. He looks drugged, like the worshipper of some pagan god, and Jared’s chest feels too full, like it will burst. Jensen pulls off, swirls his tongue around the head and sinks back down. Jared’s balls draw up so hard he gasps for air and his eyes slam shut. His hands grab Jensen’s head as his hips buck forward. Jensen doesn’t gag or try to pull away. He doesn’t move as Jared comes straight down his throat. His throat muscles contract around Jared’s dick, milking it, forcing a deep moan from him.

The wall is the only thing keeping Jared from collapsing to the floor. He opens his eyes and sees right out into the hallway. Shit, Mr. P could have walked by and seen Jensen blowing him or worse, someone else might be working late. His hands drop from Jensen’s head and as soon as Jensen has let Jared’s cock slide from his mouth, Jared tucks in and does up his fly.

“We can’t do this. I can’t do this, Jen.”

Jensen stands up and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. His lips are red and puffy and still wet, and Jared wants to kiss him. He forces himself not to. Jensen turns and heads for the door. That long braid hangs down his back just like it did that day nine years ago when Jared climbed onto a chopper behind him, and his world changed.

“Jensen.” He didn’t mean to say it. Doesn’t even know what else he’s going to say.

Jensen turns around. “Yeah?”

“I, I need time,” Jared says. “I need to think.”

Jensen sucks his lips between his teeth and nods. “Yeah, of course.” And then he’s gone.

Jared sinks into his chair and puts his folded arms on the desk. Drops his forehead onto them. He isn’t seventeen anymore. He isn’t impulsive, but he wants to run out of the room and chase Jensen through the halls. He doesn’t.

He got up and cleaned off his desk. He gave the desk the once over and put on his suit jacket before picking up his briefcase and heading home to his boyfriend. 

 

  



	3. With Or Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta’ed. All mistakes obviously my own. Title ref to With Or Without You by U2. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

 

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/20021)

Jensen didn’t bother taking his boots off before he put his feet on the bed. He was pretty sure that whatever was on the soles couldn’t be much worse than what was already on the bedspread anyway. He didn’t figure there was any reason to believe that he was going to get undressed and get under the covers either. He ignored the ache in his knee and crossed his ankles.

The Century Motel had always been kind of a dump. They all joked about just what century it had been named for, but it had become even seedier over the past couple of years. Still, it was convenient to the interstate as well as the courthouse, and it was the kind of place where staff turned a blind eye to the comings and goings of its guests. He was pretty sure the last time he’d stayed there the guy across the parking lot had been cooking meth.

He held the remote loosely in his right hand and flipped through channels – cop shows, reality shows, fuck no, reality it wasn’t, Hound of the Baskervilles, Basil Rathbone. He laid the remote down and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He was bathed in the flickering light of the TV screen that made the movement of his hand appear jerky as he reached out to the bedside table and picked up the fifth of Jack Daniels.

He took long drink, losing himself in the deep burn as it rushed down his throat and settled like a bonfire in his stomach. It was an old friend, the kind that drinks with you and slaps you on the back before sticking a knife in it and leaving you for dead. He didn’t care right then. Tomorrow he’d feel like hell, pull himself together, and go home with his tail between his legs.

He took another drink and there was a knock. He sure as hell wasn’t expecting anyone. Must be the room next door.  He didn’t remember the walls being that fucking thin. A moment later the knock came again but louder. He swung his legs off the bed and rounded the other bed to the window. He pulled the curtain back slightly and peered out. Chris was standing outside, hands shoved in his pockets and head down. He kicked the bottom of the door a couple of times, and Jensen huffed in annoyance. He knew Chris well enough to know his buddy wasn’t just going to leave.

Chris raised his head then and looked straight at Jensen. “Fuck off,” Jensen said. Chris might not be able to hear him, but he damn well could see what Jensen was saying. Chris shook his head and walked to the window.

“Open the fucking door!” he yelled.

Jensen shook his head, let the curtain close and walked back to the bed. He was about to sit down when a thunderous pounding began at the door. He crossed the room in three paces and jerked the door open.

“Knock that shit out, asshole!”

Chris smiled. “Thanks, Jenny, guess you didn’t hear me before,” Chris said and walked past him into the room. “All that rock music musta made ya deaf.”

Jensen shut the door and locked it. “I didn’t actually invite you in,” he said. He flopped back down on the bed and stared at the TV. Chris sat on the edge of the other bed, facing Jensen, and leaned his elbows on his knees. He watched as Jensen picked up the bottle and drank.

“So the old man tells me that you came here to see Jared,” Chris said.

Jensen side-eyed him and turned his attention back to the TV. “He send you here to babysit?”

“Jenny ...” Chris was the closest thing Jensen had to an actual brother and the only one who got away with calling him Jenny. He still didn’t like it but had learned that letting it go was easier than fighting about it, and they’d had their share of knock down drag outs over the years. All was forgotten when the anger was vented and blood staunched.

“Because he knew it would go badly,” Jensen said.

“Looks like it didn’t go well.”

“So is this an ‘I told you so’?”

“I didn’t tell you so.”

“But you would have.”

Chris let his head hang a moment while Mr. Holmes ran around the moors.

“What happened?” Chris asked.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Talk to me, man.”

The whiskey was making Jensen’s head feel heavy, and he leaned it back against the headboard. “I gave him head, and he needed time to think.”

“You’re right. I didn’t want to know.”

Jensen’s lips curled with amusement when Chris shook his head as though trying to get the image out of his mind and gave a shudder.

“Still,” Chris said, “that’s not an outright _no_.”

Jensen cocked an eyebrow at his friend. “Are you encouraging this?”

Chris shrugged. “Just sayin’.” He picked up the bottle and took a swig.

“Get your own,” Jensen said.

“You don’t need it all.”

“You don’t know that.”

Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “Fuck, Jensen, don’t do this again.”

“I’m not. I won’t. It’s just ... tonight.”

“Yeah? That’s not how it happened last time?”

“No.” Jensen pushed himself up straighter against the headboard and sat with his knees bent, boot soles flat on the bed. “If it were like last time, I wouldn’t be here where you could find me.”

Chris nodded. He knew it was true. “Yeah, I never whooped your ass for all that. Meant to once ...” He lets the thought trail out.

“Once I was in my right mind again?”

Chris sighed and dug the toe of his boot into the mangy carpet as though he wasn’t sure if the spot on the floor was a stain or a large cockroach. “No one wants to see you go down that road again, brother. That’s all.”

“That was then; this is now,” Jensen said. He reached out for the bottle, and Chris handed it to him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“If you aren’t afraid of the answer,” Jensen said with a smirk.

Chris huffed out a laugh. “Okay. Best case scenario, what were you hoping for?”

“I don’t even know,” Jensen said.

“Jenny, come on.”

“I guess, I thought we could work it out somehow.”

“He’s living with someone, right?”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “God damned JD, fuckin’ gossip like an old housewife.”

Chris laughed. “Yeah, so?”

“He doesn’t love the guy.”

Chris put his face in his hands. “Oh Jesus fucking Christ.” He lifted his head and eyed Jensen. “Did he tell you that?”

“He didn’t have to.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I know.”

“How?”

“I just know.”

“And is he?”

“I just said ...”

“No, is he in love with you?”

Jensen thought back to those moments in Jared’s office, to his apology, to his kiss. “Yeah.”

“Well then, quit drinkin’ and go after him.”

“Yeah?” Jensen chuckled. “JD give you permission to give me that kind of advice?”

“If you tell your daddy I said that, I will categorically deny it,” Chris said. He took a drink of whiskey and handed the bottle back to Jensen. “In fact, I will kick your ass all over tarnation.”

Jensen laughed. “Are you hungry?”

“What?”

“I’m starving,” Jensen said. He dug in the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out a roll of bills. He peeled off a twenty and tossed it at Chris. “Go get a 12-pack and I’ll order a pizza.”

“Seriously?”

“Aren’t you hungry?” Jensen repeated.

Chris’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll let me back in?”

“Not unless you bring beer.”

Chris picked the twenty up off the floor and stood. He stopped when he got to the door and pointed a finger at Jensen. “No olives.”

“I know.”

“I know you know. That’s why I’m reminding you.”

Jensen laughed. He wasn’t sure why it amused him so much to watch Chris pick olives off pizza, but damned if it didn’t.

“Make it large,” Chris mumbled. “Asshole.”

Jensen took another pull off the Jack Daniels bottle and dug around in the nightstand drawer for the list of pizza places.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

Jared couldn’t sleep. It was too warm, and his mind wouldn’t stop. He rolled onto his back and kicked the covers off. Mike lay beside him on his stomach, fast asleep. His knee was just touching Jared’s thigh. Jared moved away. They rarely touched in sleep. He thought of how he and Jensen had slept spooning or entangled with one another, his face pressed into the curve of Jensen’s neck.

Jensen. Fuck. Jared rubbed his hands over his face. He wondered if Jensen had really come to the office to talk or if he planned the surprise blowjob. No, he thought, if it was planned, it was completely subconscious. Jensen wasn’t that devious. It still didn’t quite seem real.

Jared had arrived home in a bit of a daze. Mike had only gotten in a little while earlier. He was still damp from a shower and dressed in t-shirt and shorts that revealed his unusually hairy legs. Jared couldn’t help but think of an ape. He wasn’t sure when he’d started thinking that way, but lately he just wanted to beg him to put on long pants. Jared screwed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You okay?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, just tired.”

There were containers of Thai food sitting on the counter. Mike put a plate on the island and motioned for Jared to sit.

“I got you satay from the place around the corner from the courthouse,” he said.

“Thanks.” Jared sat down, and Mike had poured him a glass of wine. Jared spooned satay out and took a bite.

“Listen,” Mike said, “I know I’ve been ... I don’t know. I’ve been stupid.” He was standing on the opposite side of the island across from Jared. He picked at his food. “I mean, you talked to that guy, Jensen, for all of two minutes – two minutes in the past nine years, and you’ve been with me for two years.” He looked up at Jared. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what my problem is.”

Jared felt like such an asshole sitting there with Jensen’s spit on his cock. He wanted to slide out of his stool and out of sight below the cabinet. The bite of satay he was chewing seemed to get bigger and more rubbery with every moment. When he finally swallowed, he could feel the confession trying to push the food back up his throat.

“It’s okay,” he said.

“It isn’t okay,” Mike said. “You have never given me any reason to be jealous. I just ... The way you talked about him, you know. I can’t imagine you talking about me like that, and I was an asshole about it.”

“No,” Jared said. He knew he was only arguing out of guilt. If they’d had this conversation the day before, he wouldn’t be.

“No, Jay, I was,” Mike said. He reached across the island and stroked Jared’s cheek. Jared picked up his wine glass and took long drink. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Jared said. He pushed his plate away. “Just a long day.”

“Too long?” Mike asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Um, no, no, I ... I need a shower though, okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Mike said. “You go ahead. I’ll just clean up this stuff.”

Jared had stayed in the shower longer than necessary. He’d known he was going to have sex with Mike, but he didn’t really know why. He’d felt like a liar and a coward. When he was on his knees with Mike’s cock in his ass, Mike’s hand on his dick, it was only the image of Jensen looking up at him that pushed him over the edge.

Lying there in the dark, that green gaze, perfect pink O of lips had blood rushing to Jared’s groin again, cock tenting his sleep pants. He pushed himself up off the bed and padded into the kitchen. A block of light fell through the window over the sink from the parking lot. As Jared ran a glass of water from the tap, he wondered how he’d gotten there – living in a third-story suburban apartment with a jealous boyfriend whom he had more in common with professionally than he did personally.

Sex with Mike had always been good if not phenomenal. He was attractive and attentive. He always made sure that Jared was getting off too. There were times that Jared had had sex when he wasn’t enthusiastic about it, but he imagined that Mike did too. They both cared about the other, and wanted to fulfill the other’s needs. He’d never really felt like he was settling, but now after touching Jensen, after feeling his touch, their connection, sex with Mike hadn’t just felt like settling. It felt wrong.

Everything felt wrong. It wasn’t that he wanted to run back to the compound with Jensen, but this, all of it, the apartment, Mike, all of it, felt foreign. He gazed out the window. At the edge of the parking lot was a fence. He could see into the backyard of small bungalow that he’d never really noticed before. The porch light, shaped like a lantern, glowed against purple clapboards. Bright blue metal chairs and rag rug set in the circle of light along with a pot of yellow flowers.

Jared wondered what kind of people lived there. Certainly not people like him and Mike or people like Jensen. How he wondered how would people come to have a porch like that, a life like that. It wasn’t necessarily that he wanted that, but it was clearly something they’d thought about, planned for. But his life, he’d just fallen into this, hadn’t he?

He pulled his eyes from the window and looked around the darkened kitchen and living room beyond. It was the apartment he’d gotten just out of law school when he first landed the job with the firm. Mike had wanted so badly for them to move in together that even though Mike had the larger apartment, moving in with Jared had been a surrender ... on Jared’s part. He had acquiesced. He’d been coasting the whole time.

Maybe the future didn’t mean Jensen, but it couldn’t be this either. He had to make changes. He had to look at where he wanted to be. Whether it was a bungalow with a colorful back porch or a high rise downtown, he knew it wasn’t where he was, and it wasn’t with Mike.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Jensen slouched down in the seat of the Ford Taurus that he’d borrowed from the wife of a brother. That was the nice thing about the club. It really was like family. Tico hadn’t been home, but Marsha had handed him the keys like he was her own brother. He actually felt like a creepy stalker sitting there across from Jared’s apartment building. He’d followed him home twenty minutes earlier and was still sitting there contemplating his next move.

He sat up straighter and peered through the windshield when he saw Jared’s boyfriend emerge from the building. He walked to the backdoor of a white Nissan Altima and hung a garment bag on the hook inside before tossing in a small suitcase. Jensen sucked his lips between his teeth and watched as Mike got in and drove away. He tapped his fingers on his knees and thought. Jared said he needed time to think. It had been three days.

Jensen started the car and drove to the apartment complex parking lot. He pulled into the very spot that Mike had left empty – the one marked 314. Perfect, now all he had to do was get into the building. On her way inside was a young woman in Daisy Dukes with a tattoo of roses climbing her calf. He rushed to catch up and grabbed the door handle just before the latch caught.

“Oh!” she exclaimed with wide eyes. “I ... are you ...

Jensen gave her his warmest smile and hunched down to make himself look smaller. “Sorry, miss, didn’t mean to startle you. I’m surprising a friend on his birthday.”

The tension went out of her shoulders, and she smiled. “Oh, that’s nice,” she said with a less than stealthy lick of her lips. “Who is it?”

“Jared Padalecki,” Jensen said. “Tall guy ...”

“Oh, yeah,” she said. The elevator doors opened, and they stepped in together. “I know Jared and Mike.” Her smile faltered a little.

Jensen pursed his lips and nodded. “Yeah, Mike. I think, Jared could do better don’t you?”

Her mouth dropped open, but nothing came out.

“I mean, he’s a real catch, right? Should be able to land a judge or heart surgeon.”

“Oh well, I guess.”

Jensen laughed. “I’m kidding,” he said. “I haven’t even met Mike. I’m sure he’s great.”

“Sure, of course he is,” she said. She fluttered her lashes.

Jensen leaned against the elevator wall next to her. “So what’s your name?”

“Holly,” she said.

“Holly. That’s a nice name,” he said. “I’m Jensen.”

“That’s a nice name,” she said and then blushed. “I mean, you ...”

The elevator bell dinged and the doors slid open. Jensen stood to his full height and gestured for her to exit ahead of him. She turned back.

“Jared’s apartment is that way.” She pointed to his right. “And I’m just down this way. 322.”

He nodded. “Right, 322. Got it,” he said.

She started toward her apartment and then turned. “It was nice meeting you, Jensen.”

“Nice meeting you too, Holly” he said with a smile that slipped away when she turned her back.

Jensen found 314 quickly enough and knocked. He did so again after a few moments. He was starting wonder what was up when the door swung open. Jared stood there in gray sweatpants and t-shirt. His hair was wet and messy from the shower.

He huffed out a rueful laugh. “Jensen.”

“Hey.” He couldn’t keep his eyes from roaming over the t-shirt pulled taut over Jared’s chest and shoulders, but they found their way back to his stupidly gorgeous face.

“How did you find me?” Jared asked.

“I, um, was stalking you, followed you home.”

Jared’s brows drew together. “How? I mean, I know I didn’t hear a Harley.”

Jensen looked down at the toes of his boots. “I borrowed a car.” He looked up from beneath his lashes to gauge Jared’s reaction.

“My God, you were stalking me.”

“You said, you needed to think. So have you? Thought?”

“Yeah, I’ve ...” Jared’s gaze went over Jensen’s shoulder as voices rang out in the hallway behind him. Jared sighed. “Will you keep your hands to yourself if I let you in?”

“If that’s what you want,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, that’s ... We’ll _talk_ , okay?”

Jensen smiled. “Okay.” He followed Jared into the apartment. The entry faced a dining area with living room to the left and kitchen to the right. A long counter with bar stools separated the space, and a hallway ran back to the right toward, he imagined, bedrooms and the bathroom.

Jared padded barefoot into the kitchen. “You want a beer?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jensen said. The living area was done in neutral shades. Only books and a couple of prints on the walls gave the space color. It kind of made his skin crawl. Jared set a Sam Adams on the island counter and slid it toward Jensen who took off his cut of black leather with his MC patches on the back and breast. He hung it over the back of the barstool before sitting down.

“This is nice,” Jensen said looking around.

“Yeah? I don’t know.” Jared leaned on the counter. “JD ever get the hallway drywall finished?”

Jensen laughed. “Yeah, finally.” It had been a joke between them how JD had gotten the addition to the house habitable and then quit. “He even got it painted. I think Sam threatened to leave his ass.”

“So you’re still living there?”

“Yeah, don’t really have any reason to leave,” Jensen said with a shrug. He took a drink of beer. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Jared took a long drink, and Jensen watched his throat work as he swallowed.

Jensen didn’t answer. He just leaned back and took a drink to wet his suddenly dry throat.

Jared ran a hand through his hair. “So, seeing you again, yeah, it’s gotten me thinking, and I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. I don’t know if there could ever be any kind of future with you and me, but I’ve realized that I don’t want one with Mike.”

“That wasn’t him moving out,” Jensen said.

“No, Mr. Stalker, it wasn’t. His mother’s been … ill, and I didn’t want to spring it on him before the trip, but when he gets back, I’ll have to talk to him. I hate to, you know. He’s a decent guy, and I’ve let this go on too long. I’ve just been coasting for a while, and that isn’t his fault.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I can relate to that – the coasting part.”

“Jensen … this doesn’t mean that you and I have …”

Jared was struggling for the right words, so Jensen said, “A future. Yeah, you already said that, but I hope you’ll give us a chance to figure that out.”

“I don’t know, Jesus Christ, Jen, one or both of us will probably just get hurt and for what?”

Jensen’s chest felt tight, but he tried to not let it show.  “Or maybe we’ll learn that the fire of youth has burnt out and all that’s left is lust – we’ll both walk away satisfied.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“No, but I’m willing to take the risk.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve always been more of a risk taker.”

“And that’s why you’re here, Jared, living with a guy that you’re trying to let down easy.”

“That isn’t fair, Jen.” Jared looked down at his beer bottle sitting on the counter. He twisted it back and forth between his long, elegant fingers.

Jensen leaned forward with his elbows on the counter. “You leaving me wasn’t fair.”

“I was just a kid.” He looked up with pleading eyes.

“I know, and I’ve never hated you for it. I thought I understood.”

“You thought?”

“You missed your family, hated worrying them. You were afraid of getting hurt or killed.” He watched Jared’s face as understanding slowly played over his features.

“Oh, no.” Jared sniffed. “I just …” He shook his head. “I couldn’t get it out of my head that somewhere down the line, it would end bloody and violent. That’s the only way I could see it playing out. I could live that life with you but not without you, and one day, you were going to leave me alone.”

“I’m still here.”

“Yeah, and I’m glad. It’s just that now … I don’t know, Jen. I just don’t want to jump back into things. I’m going to need some space after Mike to figure out what I want my future to be.”

“Right.” Jensen drained his beer and stood. “I should probably go then.” He picked up his cut, the leather soft and comforting under his fingers, and pulled it on. It felt like family, like safety. He headed for the door. He couldn’t keep doing this.

“Jensen,” Jared said behind him.

He turned, shoulders straight, head up. “Yeah?”

Jared was within arm’s reach. “Don’t go.”

Jensen huffed out a laugh. “You just said that you didn’t want to jump into anything.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did.”

“No,” Jared said before taking Jensen’s face in his hands and kissing him. “I was wrong. Stay.”

Jared crushed their mouths together and pushed the leather off Jensen’s shoulders. It landed on the floor. Jensen pushed his hands up under Jared’s t-shirt, and the sensation of his warm, silky skin threw Jensen back nine years to the bathroom of a motel outside Heyworth, to the boy he let get away.

He was no boy anymore. He proved it by shoving Jensen against the wall hard enough to knock the breath from him. Or maybe it was the kisses that were leaving him breathless or the tight embrace of Jared’s arms. Jared’s tongue mapped the inside of Jensen’s mouth, before retreating, teeth tugging at Jensen’s bottom lip.

“Bedroom,” Jared said when he broke the kiss. His eyes were dark.

Clothing began to hit the floor the moment they got through the doorway. Jensen tugged his boots off and then peeled the t-shirt over his head. Jared had done the same to reveal a broad chest and shoulders, lean muscle. He practically made Jensen’s mouth water. Jared’s eyes were roaming over Jensen as well.

“You’ve got a lot more ink,” Jared said.

Jensen nodded. “You don’t,” he said. He placed his hand over the Viper tattoo on Jared’s upper arm. “Still one of us, baby.”

Jensen suddenly found himself on his back with Jared on top of him. Jared’s mouth was wet and hot against his throat, and his thigh was rubbing against Jensen’s hard on.

Jensen sucked in a breath, and his hips rolled up against the hard length pressed to his hip. Jensen pushed his hand below the waistband of Jared’s sweats, over the curve of his ass, into the cleft.  Jared pressed back against Jensen’s hand only to jerk forward again to continue contact with is cock. A frustrated whine escaped Jared’s throat.

“Sh, ‘s okay, baby,” Jensen said. “Roll over.” Jared pushed himself up with one arm as Jensen rose and used the momentum to roll on top. He grabbed Jared’s sweats and tugged at them as Jared lifted his hips. Jensen tossed the wad of fleece to the floor and smiled at the sight laid before him, as inviting as he’d been as a boy, but taller, all lean muscle and golden skin. Jared’s cock actually did make his mouth water as it arched over his belly leaking precome. Jensen licked his lips.

“I owe you a blowjob,” Jared said.

Jensen looked up into dark fox-tilted eyes. “No, I want inside you,” Jensen said.

Jared mouth dropped open and then his hand shot out, yanked the nightstand drawer open, and grabbed a bottle of lube from it. Jensen scrambled backward off the bed and shoved his jeans down. The fabric caught on his dick, which sprang up, hit his belly with a wet slap. Jared was already spreading his legs and pulling his knees up. Jensen crawled onto the bed and took the lube to slick his fingers. The tip of his middle finger circled Jared’s hole.

“No, Jen. Now,” Jared said.

“Don’t want to hurt you,” Jensen said. He hadn’t had patience all those years ago. Much as he wanted to bury his cock in Jared, he had more control now.

Jared smiled, dimples cutting his cheeks. “I’m not a virgin this time, and I wanna feel it.”

Jensen grinned back. His hand went to his cock, quickly slicked it, before pressing the head to Jared’s opening and pushing. He didn’t pause when Jared gasped. He entered in one long, slow slide with Jared’s fingers clutching his arms, head thrown back, beautiful. When he was fully engulfed in Jared’s tight heat, that’s when he paused. This was his, where he belonged. He wasn’t giving it up again.

He pulled out and plunged in again and again, watched Jared’s face as he panted through parted lips, color high on his cheeks, sweat beading on his brow. Jensen was out of control like a runaway train. His drive to push Jared over the edge, watch him fall apart beneath him, hear him moan and gasp was so great, he forgot about his own arousal and need until Jared was writhing beneath him, hips rising off the mattress to meet Jensen’s every thrust, desperate sounds falling from his lips. Those sounds had Jensen biting his lip as his balls drew up hard and tight, and he tried to rein in his arousal.

Jared arched off the bed with a cry, and his muscles clamped down on Jensen’s cock. That’s it. Jensen almost doubled over with the force of his orgasm, driving his dick deep into Jared’s channel. He rutted shallowly as he pumped his release into Jared’s clutching flesh. The pleasure washed through him in waves. His cock was so sensitive he had to stop moving despite an primal urge to continue. He dropped his head and tried to catch his breath.

When Jensen looked up, Jared was lying there looking sleepy and sated. He smiled. “God, I missed us, Jen.

“Yeah, me too.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

Jensen looked different. Of course he did – jawline a little squarer, creases around his eyes a little deeper. He’d been 24. That had seemed old when Jared was 17, but at 26, he realized it wasn’t so old at all. At the time though, Jensen had been so much more worldly, tougher, harder.

They were both men now. Jared was surprised by how much he wanted the man that Jensen had become. All the tension and need was still there surprisingly familiar and comforting. Jensen was beautiful lying asleep in his bed – his and Mike’s. Jared pushed the thought away. Jared leaned in and nuzzled Jensen’s neck.

“What are you doing?” Jensen’s voice was husky with sleep.

“You smell so good,” Jared murmured.

Jensen chuckled. “Yeah? What do I smell like?”

“Like you.” Jared kissed him beneath the ear and was rewarded with a slight shudder. Just as sensitive as ever. “Just like you.”

Jensen rolled to his side and kissed him. They both had morning wood. Jared let the knuckles of his right hand slide up the underside of Jensen’s cock.

“Oh Jesus, man, don’t do that. I need it go down so I can take a piss,” Jensen complained.

Jared pouted. “Okay, but after you piss, there’s the business of that blowjob I owe you.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “If you start talking about putting your pretty mouth on my cock, it’ll never go down.”

Jared slowly licked his lips. “Maybe it needs help.”

“No! Jare ...” his words cut off as Jared bent and sucked the head of Jensen’s cock between his lips. “Ah! you fucking dick,” Jensen groaned. Jared rolled him onto his back and swallowed him down. Jensen’s hands fisted in Jared’s hair, and his hips bucked. Jared knew it could be torture with a full bladder. It’s not like Jensen could piss with a hard on. The stimulation and pressure could be uncomfortable, a little painful even, but it could be intense as well.

Jared didn’t try to draw it out. He wasn’t going for torture, just a little torment, and it was working. Jensen was moaning, almost whimpering, and as if that wasn’t hot enough, he was pulling Jared’s hair. He never known that was kink of his, but damned if it wasn’t throwing fuel on the bonfire. He felt like he was about to burst into flame. His hips were thrusting instinctively, trying to find stimulation for his leaking dick. He wrapped his hand around it and stroked.

Jensen’s legs jerked, and he gripped Jared’s hair tight enough to make his eyes water. Jared’s mouth filled with hot, bitter jizz, and he drank it down. He wanted every slick, salty drop. Jensen shook and moaned. When Jensen’s fingers slipped from Jared’s hair, he released Jensen’s dick from his mouth with one last lick. He moved up to his knees, leaned over Jensen and kissed him. Jensen’s tongue licked into his mouth. Jensen pushed Jared’s hand off his cock and stroked it for him. He didn’t understand how Jensen’s hand could feel so much better than his own, but with just a few jerks, he came with a cry against Jensen’s lips, come splashing across Jensen’s belly and chest.

He collapsed beside Jensen. “That was ...”

“I know, right?” Jensen squeezed his shut then.

“What?”

“You have no idea how bad I need to piss.”

Jared laughed. Jensen’s cock was still pretty hard. “You need help with that?”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s one way.”

Jensen shook his head. “When did you become so sadistic?”

“It was a great blowjob. Admit it.”

Jensen shook his head, but he wore a smile. “I’m going to go take a piss now. Don’t follow me.”

Jared laughed. “Okay, I’ll wait here. Might want to wash the jizz off too.”

Jensen side-eyed him.

“Feel free to use my toothbrush if you want,” Jared said.

“Thanks.”

Jensen sat up to reveal that his back was almost completely covered in ink – a scorpion and a skull with ruby eyes, a revolver and a dagger, a crow and barbed wire all caught up in a tornado twisting across pale skin. Jensen stood, and Jared’s gaze traveled across his beautifully firm ass and bowed legs. Jensen flipped the braid back over his shoulder, and it fell across the tattoo.

Jared lay there a moment before rolling off the bed and heading to the kitchen. The tile floor was cool on his bare feet. He filled the basket of the coffee maker with grounds and added a potful of cold water to the reservoir before clicking the on button. It flashed blue as the machine released a hiss of steam.

He leaned on the edge of the sink and looked out the window. Holly was walking her ridiculous tiny white dog in the grass at the edge of the parking lot. She’d probably leave its stinky gifts behind. He shook his head and his gaze moved beyond the back fence to the little bungalow he’d seen a few nights earlier. He realized why he hadn’t noticed it before. It was surrounded by thick foliage that cast it into shadow. It had been the brightness of the porch light that had revealed the brightly colored haven.

He was so lost in thought that he started when arms wrapped around his waist and Jensen pressed his lips to Jared’s shoulder.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” he murmured.

“Just thinking,” Jared said.

“Mm, ‘bout what?” His mouth moved to Jared’s neck, and Jared arched back into the warmth of Jensen’s body.

“Nothing.” He turned in the circle of Jensen’s arms. “Hey, let’s get some coffee and go back to bed.”

Jensen’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “Yeah, can we stay all day?”

Jared laughed. “A shower might be good at some point.”

“Absolutely, and then we can go back to bed, right?”

Jared nodded. “Why not?”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Jensen was sitting up against a mound of pillows, knees bent, cradling a mug of black coffee in his hands. Jared was lying beside him on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. There on his right shoulder was the coiled rattlesnake and star of the Viper Brotherhood, faded and blurry, but there.

“Can I ask you something?” Jensen said.

“Hm?” Jared took a sip of coffee.

“The tatt, why’d you keep it?”

“You’re surprised.”

“Shit yeah. Couldn’t do you any good. I mean, you’ve had to keep it covered all these years.”

“Why do you think?”

Jensen traced the snake with the tip of his finger. “Remind you of me?”

Jared scoffed. “It was supposed to remind me to stay away from things like you.”

Jensen drew his hand back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Jared twisted around and sat up, cross-legged. “No, maybe I did. It was supposed to remind me of how seductive danger can be.”

“Me?”

Jared laughed. “Yeah, you – beautiful and seductive and dangerous.”

Jensen felt heat crawl up his neck and into his cheeks.

“Can I ask you something?” Jared said.

“Sure.”

Jared’s gaze fell to Jensen’s right leg. His finger traced a twisted scar that ran from just above his knee up his thigh. “What’s this from?”

“Hit slick patch on a wet road. It has a plate in it.” Jensen straightened the leg out flat on the mattress. The scar had faded. He remembered it red and held together with staples.

“Were you high?”

“Probably. I was too drunk to remember.”

“How long ago?”

Jensen shrugged. “I don’t know. Eight years ago or so.”

Jared’s eyes fell shut for a moment. “Jen …”

Jensen cupped Jared’s cheek and kissed him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“And you still want to risk it again?” Jared asked. His eyes were bright and wet.

Jensen took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

 

  



	4. Seasons Change And So Did I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has re-entered Jared’s life, but can they reconcile their very different worlds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'ed. Title from _No Time_ by The Guess Who. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

 

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/20298)

Jared was still barefoot in his softest, most faded jeans and an old Cowboys jersey, cleaning up the kitchen, filling the dishwasher and tossing out beer bottles and soda cans, wiping down counters. With Jensen in the shower and Saturday inching toward Sunday, anxiety was creeping in.

He and Jensen had spent the day in bed watching a Burn Notice marathon and talking and making love. They were completely insulated from the world, wrapped up in one another, but Jared had to face the fact that Mike would be home in the morning. That was the problem. It had always been the problem. Not him and Jensen, not them together, but the world around them.

He scrubbed at a stain in the sink. He didn’t know how to shape the world to accommodate them. It wouldn’t work between them if they couldn’t envision a life that worked for both of them, not against them.

There was a rattle behind him, and Jared turned around. Mike was pushing the door closed. He wore chinos and a button down, sleeves rolled up. He had his garment bag over his arm and duffle in his hand.

“Mike, hey,” Jared said. His heart slammed in his chest.

“Hey, surprise,” he replied. He looked like he hadn’t slept. He hung the garment bag on the hall tree and dropped the duffle.

“I ... what happened?” Jared rinsed his hands with only a glance back to the sink and wiped them on the seat of his jeans.

“Mom was ... she wasn’t doing well, and my being there was upsetting her so ...” Mike stopped talking. He was staring at something on the floor.

“Mike?” Jared walked around the end of the counter. There on the floor was a pile of black leather with a rattlesnake coiled in the middle, fangs bared, ready to strike.

“You son of a bitch,” Mike said. The look of betrayal in his eyes made Jared’s guts twist. “You let me apologize to you!”

“Mike it wasn’t ...”

“How long?!” Mike demanded through gritted teeth.

“He just showed up last night.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I swear.”

“So what you just dragged him into our bed? You couldn’t go to some sleazy motel to fuck your white trash biker?” His hands were fisted at his sides and his cheeks were red.

“Stop it!” Jared stepped forward, and he towered over Mike, but the shorter man didn’t back down.

“What telling the truth? That he’s white trash? Don’t fool yourself ...” Mike was right in his space, face flushed with rage and eyes narrowed.

“You don’t know him!” His rational mind told Jared that he needed to pull back and calm down. He’d learned a long time ago that he was too big and too strong to get into fights unless he really meant to hurt someone.

“I know his kind,” Mike spit out. “So do you. We see them in court every day – immoral, criminal vermin that feed on the weak and spread disease, and you’re worse, a pathetic cockslut for ...” Mike’s words were cut off the flurry of movement that drove him back against the door, and he was choking with Jensen’s forearm pressed across his throat.

“Jensen!” Jared shouted. He could see Jensen’s profile, and he knew that expression, the narrowed eyes and curled lip.

“I don’t give a fuck what you think about me,” Jensen growled, “but you take back that shit you just said about him.”

Mike’s eyes were bulging and the only sound coming out of his mouth was gasping and choking. Jared grabbed Jensen’s shoulder.

“Jen, come on. Back it off, man, he can’t breathe.”

Jensen shot Jared a look but eased the pressure on Mike’s throat. The smaller man took a rattling breath with an expression between rage and fear.

“He’s got every right to be mad at me, Jen.”

“That’s no excuse for the shit he said,” Jensen said and leaned in a bit.

“I, I’m sorry,” Mike gasped.

“There. See, he’s sorry,” Jared said. He gripped Jensen’s shoulder and tried to pull him away from Mike. Jensen didn’t budge for a moment, and then let himself be hauled backward. Mike’s hand went to his throat, and he sagged against the wall.

“I could press charges,” he said in a wrecked voice.

“Don’t push your luck, asshole,” Jensen said.

“Hey! Both of you ... shut the fuck up,” Jared said. Mike’s mouth dropped open, and Jensen eyed him with something like amusement and heat. “Look, I’m sorry things happened the way they did, Mike, but the fact is I’d was planning on talking to you about moving out before Jensen ever showed up. I’ve just been coasting for a while now. I’ve been wasting your time and mine. That’s not fair to you. I’m sorry.”

Mike just stared, opened mouth. His gaze moved to Jensen.

“Don’t look at him,” Jared said. “This isn’t about him. It’s about you and me. We aren’t right for each other, Mike.”

Mike’s brows knitted. “Wow, thanks for the brutal honesty.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t love you.”

Mike just stood there with his mouth open and his fingers loosely wrapped around his throat where the skin was red as a burn. ”Who are you?”

“That’s just it. You don’t know.”

Mike straightened up and without completely turning his back to Jensen picked up his bags. “I’ll move out Monday while you’re at work.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Mike slipped out the door.

Jared jabbed a finger at Jensen’s chest. “I’m not some damsel in distress, and I don’t need you to defend my honor.”

“Bullshit,” Jensen drawled.

“What?!”

“I call bullshit,” Jensen spat. There was that lip curl again. Jared wasn’t sure if he wanted to smack that pretty mouth or kiss it. “You would have let him hit you.”

“I ...” He wanted to deny it, but the fact was he always held back.

“Until you defend yourself, I’ll do it for you,” Jensen said.

“Oh, okay, well give me a chance next time,” Jared replied. He huffed in exasperation.

Jensen smiled all sweet and kissed him. “Don’t be mad, baby. You know I’m a fighter. I just want you to stick up for yourself. I’m not going to let some pud get away with slagging on you.”

“Wait, no,” Jared huffed again. “Listen to me. I’m not that kid anymore. I’ve grown up.”

Jensen grinned and looked him up and down. “Yeah, and I approve.”

“I’m serious.”

Jensen wiped the smirk from his face. “Okay, you’re right. I shouldn’t fight your battles for you.”

“Thank you.” Jared ran his palms up Jensen’s bare arms.

“But I’ve always got your back.” Jensen looked up from beneath thick lashes.

“No one I’d rather have,” Jared whispered as he leaned in for a kiss.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Jensen let himself into the motel room. The heavy drapes were still pulled and not a single lamp was on. He blinked against the darkness. The air was stale with cigarette smoke, beer, and sex. He reached over and pulled the drapes open.

There was a rustle from the bed, and a woman sat up. Her hair was a dirty blonde rat’s nest. She jerked the covers up over her breasts. Chris lay beside her on his stomach, unmoving.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Stacy. Who are you?” she demanded.

Jensen cocked an eyebrow at her. “His boyfriend,” he drawled.

She scoffed and her fingers caught in her hair as she tried to push it back from her face. “Right,” she said. “I know when a guy likes pussy.”

Jensen smiled. “He likes a wet hole. Yours. Mine. He ain’t picky, sweetheart.” Jensen pulled the roll of bills out of his pocket and peeled off two fifties, which he dropped beside her on the bed. “Now hit the road.”

“Fuck you! I’m not a hooker.”

Jensen sighed. “Fine.” He peeled off a hundred and dropped it beside the fifties. “Go buy yourself something nice.” He saw Chris’s shoulder shake with laughter.

Stacy prodded Chris. “Hey, wake up! Are you going to let him talk to me like that?”

Chris gave up playing dead and rolled onto his back. He smiled at Jensen. “Hey, baby, where you been?”

“Don’t ‘hey, baby’ me,” Jensen said. “I ain’t sucking your dick until you wash her off it.”

Stacy’s mouth dropped open, and Jensen could see Chris struggling not to laugh, the asshole. Jensen put a hand on the headboard, and Chris’s eyes went wide as Jensen leaned over him. Jensen tipped his head and saw the challenge in his friend’s eyes before he pressed their mouths together.

He heard Stacy sputtering before she jumped out of the bed. He could see her yanking her jeans on in his peripheral vision. He started to pull away when Chris’s hand cupped the back of his head, holding him firmly in place. Chris sucked in a breath through his nose when Jensen pressed his tongue against the seam of his lips, but he let him in. Chris’s mouth was stale with sleep and beer, but this wasn’t about pleasure. It was pure one-up-man-ship. Chris moaned and shook with mirth until Jensen dropped his hand to his friend’s hip and let it slide under the sheet. Chris shoved him away as the door slammed behind the girl.

“Jesus fucking Christ, dude, there’s a limit,” Chris growled and jumped out of bed like scalded hound.

Jensen laughed and dropped onto the bed. The mattress was warm from Chris’s body, and Jensen was slightly aroused. “A wet hole is a wet hole.”

Chris glared at him and went into the bathroom.

“Cleaning yourself up for me, baby?”

There was no answer but the sound of water running – the sound of Chris sulking. Jensen sighed and pushed himself up off the bed. He crossed the room and leaned in the open doorway. Chris was standing at the sink with a towel wrapped around his waist. He spit toothpaste into the basin and glanced at Jensen in the mirror.

“What?” Jensen said.

Chris rinsed his mouth. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I was just fucking around.” He hooked his thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans.

“Yeah,” Chris said. “You just spent the night with your boy and now you’re hitting on me? I mean, you did spend the night with Jared, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you were hitting on me.”

Jensen shrugged. “I was joking.”

“Right,” Chris said.

“Well, you are kind of hot.” Jensen smirked.

“Get out of here. I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Jesus, Chris, I know you’re straight.”

Chris started to shut the door, forcing Jensen to back up. “I know, buddy. Just like all the other times.”

Jensen’s hand shot out, slamming to door back against the wall. “That’s a cold shot, man.”

“Yeah? If you know I’m straight, why do you feel the need to molest me?”

“Molest you?” Jensen let out an ugly laugh. “Wow, I didn’t hear you protesting when your dick was in my mouth.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, just because I let you give me head a couple of times...”

“Let me? Oh, you were doing me a favor?”

“Maybe.” They both froze, staring at one another. Chris squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No,” Chris said. “Fuck.”

Jensen sagged back against the wall. “What’s this about? You jealous?”

“What? No.”

“Chris, you’re my best friend, man. Practically my brother.”

“That’s disturbing,” he said with a smirk.

Jensen scoffed. “Yeah, maybe that’s it. We’re just a little too close, huh?”

“In every way, man.” Chris smiled.

“So?”

“I don’t know, Jenny. I just ... I’m worried about you.” He leaned back against the vanity, the thin towel riding low on his hips.

“Because of Jared?”

“Yeah. How’d it go anyway?”

“Great, until his boyfriend came home.”

Chris’s eyes fell shut a moment. “Please don’t tell me you killed him.”

Jensen shook his head. “Maybe some minor bruising.”

“Jensen.”

“I know, I know. Jared and I talked about it.”

“And?”

“I’m supposed to let him defend himself.”

Chris made a snorting sound. “And the boyfriend?”

“Moving out.”

“Good. Looks like things are moving in the right direction. Now take a hike so I can shower.”

“I could wash your back,” Jensen said with a grin.

“Out!”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

Jared had files spread out all over the dining table and his laptop open in front of him, but he couldn’t concentrate. He hadn’t been scheduled in court, so he’d taken some personal time. He still hoped to make it into the office that afternoon. He rubbed his eyes and got up to make more coffee.

As he rinsed out the pot, he looked out the window toward the little bungalow. There was a woman in lavender bathrobe seated in one of the blue chairs. She was reading the newspaper. A block of sunlight fell across her lap. She reached down and scratched between the ears of a black and white cat.

Jared jumped when water overflowed the pot and the spout of the pot hit the faucet. He shut the water off and checked to make sure the pot hadn’t cracked. He filled the coffee maker and turned it on. The rich smell filled the air.

The smell transports him to a yellow kitchen with white Swiss dot café curtains. Early morning sun streams in. He sits at the maple table hunched over the mug of coffee. He swipes tears from his cheeks. He could be in bed with Jen, but he’s waiting for his parents like he’s awaiting execution.

He’d gotten in late the night before. There had been tears and smiles and hugs and recriminations before they’d gone to bed, but he knows that he still faces the real trial. This morning he’ll have answer tough questions and face real consequences.

His mother, Sharon, comes into the kitchen in her blue robe and fuzzy slippers. She smiles when she sees him sitting there. “You’re up early, honey.” She hugs him against her. He can hear her heart thud against his ear. “You get any sleep?” she asks.

He shakes his head. His throat is so tight, he can’t make a sound. She tips his head back and looks down into his tear filled eyes. “What is it, baby?”

She pulls a chair close and sits on the edge facing him, brushes his hair back from his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“I know you are, Jared,” she says. “We love you, you know that. Nothing can change that.”

He nods and the tears continue to fall. “I know.”

“Tell me,” she says. His parents had already heard of the bikers that were in town the day Jared disappeared from Heyworth, and someone had seen him get on one of the motorcycles. He’d only confirmed for his parents when he’d arrived home the night before that he’d gone willingly.

He looks at his mother. Her features seem softer, older than when he’d left five months earlier. He put the worry lines there. He knows that. He shakes his head.

“Sweetheart, please,” she says. “If there’s something hurting you, I need to know.”

“I love him,” he says, and a sob pushes out of his throat. She pulls him forward, and he rests his cheek on her shoulder as he cries. She rocks him and shushes in his ear. As the sobs subside, he sits up and wipes his nose with a paper napkin from the holder in the center of the table.

“Tell me about him,” she says.

Jared sniffs. “His name’s Jensen. He’s beautiful and strong and smart, and he loves me.”

She smiles through her tears. “Why did you leave him?”

The rattle of Mike’s keys in the door drew Jared out of the memory. He rubbed his eyes, and got two mugs out of the cabinet.

Mike dropped a stack of cardboard boxes just inside the door and swung it shut. He froze when he saw Jared standing in the kitchen.

“It thought you’d be at work,” he said.

“I know,” Jared said. “But I thought we should talk.”

Mike looked down the hallway toward the bedroom. “Your watch dog here?”

Jared shook his head. “No. You want some coffee?”

Mike hesitated. “Sure.”

Jared poured coffee into the blue mug Mike always used and set it in front of him. He pushed the sugar bowl toward him. Mike tore open two yellow Splenda packets and stirred in the fine white powder.

“So, what’d you want to talk about?”

Jared took a sip of his coffee, creamy and sweet with real sugar. “I wanted to say how sorry I am for the way things went down,” he said. “I made the decision a few days ago to break if off, but I postponed talking to you because you were upset about your mom. I was going to tell you last night when you got home, but then you came home early.”

“Yeah, well, thanks for thinking of me,” Mike said. “But I think you were being disingenuous, Jay. It is about Jensen.”

“You know what?” Jared stopped himself from cussing. “In the past two years, I have never given you reason to be jealous until the night I ran into him. None.”

Mike nodded. “I know. I mean, rationally, I know that, but it’s always been about him because I think I always knew that I never had all of you. That night when you told me about him, told me why. You were never really committed to this relationship.”

“I was.”

“No, Jay, you thought you were, but you said yourself that you didn’t really love me.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I thought I did.”

“Really?”

“Yes. What I had with you, I thought it was stable and solid and mature – the kind of thing that would last.”

Mike looked pained. “I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be.”

“Do you remember why you kept that tattoo?”

“Yes.”

“Because that pretty boyfriend of yours is fucking dangerous.”

Jared ran his fingers back through his hair. “Not to me.”

“Especially to you, to anyone within shrapnel distance of him. He has enemies, Jay. Jesus, the story you told me – that could have been you who got shot. Not to mention the fact that the guy is violent. I know. I looked in his eyes when he was choking me.”

Jared’s jaw clenched, and he didn’t say anything. Mike’s gaze searched his face. “You like it, don’t you? Think it’s exciting?” Mike asked.

Jared looked away.

“Jesus.” Mike pushed his coffee cup away. “Two of you fuck after I left the other night?”

Jared picked up both cups and went to the sink where he poured the contents down the sink.

“You did,” Mike said. “You fucking dick.”

Jared heard the squeak of the stool turning and a thud as Mike dropped a cardboard box on the floor. When Jared turned around, Mike was pulling books from the shelves in the living room and stuffing them into a box. Jared took another box and started filling it with CDs and DVDs.

“I wish I didn’t care,” Mike said. He was kneeling beside the box with a book in his hand. “I wish I could hate you, and it wouldn’t matter that you’re going to get hurt or ...”

“Or what?” Jared asked.

Mike shook his head. “You have principles, Jared. How are you going to not compromise those when you’re in bed with someone like him?”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do?”

“What does that mean?”

Jared got to his feet. “Nothing. Forget it.”

“No, Jared ...” Mike stood.

“Look, I’m not your concern anymore.”

Mike looked like he’d been slapped. “No, you’re right, but you might want to think twice about alienating everyone who cares about you.” He grabbed an empty box and headed for the bedroom. “I’ll just pack up my clothes. Alone.”

Jared sighed. “Shit,” he muttered. He knelt and began boxing up DVDs again.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Jared looked up at the sharp rap of knuckles against wood. He hadn’t seen Chris in nine years but there was no mistaking the suspicious blue eyes even if he hadn’t recognized the VB cut he was wearing. The entire five months he’d spent with Jensen, he’d felt like a dog begging for approval from his lover’s best friend, but he’d never gotten it. Clearly, that hadn’t changed.

He motioned for Chris to come in, but the other man just leaned a shoulder against the door jamb. “Nice office,” Chris said.

“Barely more than a cubicle,” Jared replied. “I’m a peon, but I’d like to keep my job.”

Chris raised an eyebrow and stepped into the room.

“Shut the door,” Jared said. “Have a seat.”

Chris sat in the chair across the desk from him and leaned his elbows on his knees. “I thought it was time we had a little chat.”

“Not even going to ask how I’ve been?” Jared asked.

“I don’t give a shit how you’ve been,” Chris said.

Jared felt acid flood his stomach. He stared at the open file on his desk a moment before closing it and setting it aside. With some effort, he met the steady blue gaze.

“You need to understand how much you fucked Jensen up when you left,” Chris said. “He tried to drink himself to death, and when that didn’t work, he splattered himself all over Route 12.”

“He told me ...”

“He doesn’t remember. I do. I was there. I heard the screams, saw the bone sticking out of his leg.” Chris looked down at his clenched fists. “Thought he was gonna die.” The blue gaze came up and pinned Jared in place. “If you’d stayed, it wouldn’t have happened.”

Jared felt nauseous and took a breath to try to still the trembling inside. “If you’re trying to warn me off ...”

“No,” Chris interrupted. “It’s too late for that. You’re already under his skin again. I’m telling you that you better not try to run off this time.”

Jared nodded. “You don’t need to threaten me.”

“Don’t take it as a threat, son,” Chris said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Consider it an incentive to make things work out with Jenny.”

“Chris, I want that,” he said. “We both want that, but neither of us knows how. That’s what we’re trying to figure out. You know what his life is. This is my life.” He spread his hands palms up to encompass the office. “I don’t know how to bring those things together.”

Chris gave him a dead stare. “You’ve got a college degree. Figure it out because, believe me, if you fuck him up again, you will not just walk away.”

Jared felt the chill of certainty in those words. “And you won’t work against us?”

“I want what’s best for Jenny, and he thinks that’s you,” Chris said with a smile. “I am on your side here, kid.”

“Okay, so do you have any advice?”

“I already gave you some.”

“No, Chris.” Jared leaned forward. “You guys are practically brothers. You have to be able to tell me something that will help me make this work with Jensen.”

Chris nodded. “Go all in.”

“What does that mean?”

“When the time comes, you’ll know.” Chris rapped on the desk and rose to his feet. “Don’t forget, kid. No turning back now.”

Jared felt a surge of anger and stood. “I’ve no intention of running.”

“Yeah, I bet that’s what you thought last time too until things got a little hot.” He walked to the door. “See ya, kid.”

Catrina, one of the associates, stopped in the hallway and watched Chris walk away. Her gaze met Jared’s and she stepped into the room. “Everything okay?” She was tall and slender with dark hair piled on top of her head and dark framed glasses that accentuated her gray eyes.

Jared waved a hand in the direction Chris had gone and dropped into his chair. “Yeah, just somebody I used to know wanting help I can’t give him.”

Catrina smiled then. “I get it. Not long after I passed the bar, some creep I went to high school with wanted me to get him out of a rape charge pro bono.”

Jared nodded. “Yeah, something like that.”

“People are assholes, Jared,” she said under her breath.

“Tell me about it,” he chuckled.

She turned on a four-inch heel and continued down the hallway. Jared leaned back and thought of his mother and how she’d cried with him over the loss of his first love. What would she say now? Jesus Christ, how would his family react to him getting back together with the guy who had stolen him away?

He remembered only too well the way the police had interrogated him and his father had badgered him for weeks more to give up the names and location of the Viper Brotherhood. He hadn’t squealed. He was still proud of that. He hadn’t betrayed any of them. He wondered if that had occurred to Jensen or Chris, to any of them. He could have caused trouble for them, but he’d kept his mouth shut.

And now, he had to figure out how to keep both families in his life. He had no idea how. He wasn’t even sure it was possible.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

It was mid-afternoon when Jared pulled his car in behind his mom’s Buick. He knew it would be a good two hours before his father got home from work. He turned off the ignition and sat for moment debating with himself. Finally, the heat began to build up in the car and he got out. He cut through the breezeway to the kitchen door, which he wasn’t surprised to find unlocked.

The familiar yellow room smelled sweet, and it was oven warmed. His mother looked up in surprise from the sink full of soapy water. She smiled broadly as she wiped her hands on a dish towel.

“Jared, honey, I wasn’t expecting you,” she said. “Mike’s not with you?”

“No, huh-uh.” He bent down and wrapped her in a bear hug. She smelled of shampoo and flour. “Missed you,” he said.

“That’s why you’re here?” she asked with a smile when he let go.

“Yeah,” he said. “Sometimes I just need to talk to my mama.”

“Oh,” she nodded. “How about some iced tea and pecan pie? I think the pies have cooled enough.”

“That would be awesome.” He sat down at the table. “How’s everyone doing?”

“Good,” she said. She filled glasses with ice from the door of the refrigerator and poured sweet tea from the same pitcher she’d been using since he was a kid. “I think Brian is going to ask Meg to marry him at Christmas.”

“Really?”

She set the pie and tea in front of him. “He’s a good guy.”

“Yeah, I know. Of course, I just ...” He took a bite of pie to shut himself up. “Mm, that is so good. No one makes pecan pie like you.”

She sat down beside him and took a drink of tea with a pleased expression. She watched as he worked his way through the pie.

“So,” she said when he pushed his dessert plate away.

“Mike and I broke up,” he said. “He’s moved out.”

She blinked. “Just like that? What happened?”

“No, well, kind of just like that. I realized that I didn’t really love him, not the way that I should have, you know? It was just safe and comfortable, but ... It wasn’t enough.”

“Did you talk to him about it?”

“There was nothing really to talk about. I mean, there was nothing he could do to change it. We just weren’t right for one another.”

“What made you realize that after all this time?” She lifted an eyebrow.

He let out a shaky breath. “Jensen.”

“Jensen?”

He nodded.

“Jensen … the boy you ran off with? That biker?”

“Yeah, I ran into him, and I realized that I’d never felt anything close with Mike to what I’d felt with Jen. I mean, I care about Mike, but there just isn’t that need, that attraction. Mike moved out and I didn’t even cry, Mama. I didn’t really care, not for me, just that I’d hurt him.”

She nodded. “And Jensen, are you seeing him?”

He should have known, she’d pick up on it right away. He nodded. “Yeah.”

Her jaw clenched, and her lips formed a thin line. She got up and took his plate and fork to the sink. She dropped them into the dish water, sending water splashing across the counter. She turned back around and leaned her hip against the cabinet. “You sat right there and cried and told me how much you loved him and couldn’t be with him because his life frightened you. Have you forgotten that?”

“No, of course not, but I was seventeen. I’m not a kid anymore, Mama.”

“Oh, Jared, honey ...” He saw the tears in her eyes and went to her. He hugged her close. She sniffed and patted his back. “Let’s sit down,” she said. They went back to the table and sat. She took a sip of tea. “Tell me what happened.”

He told her about seeing Jensen at the bar and telling Mike the story of those months with the VB. Of course, when he told her about Jensen showing up in his office, he left out the surprise blow job. He explained how seeing the little bungalow made him realize he’d been drifting through life and how whether he had a future with Jensen or not, he knew he didn’t have one with Mike.

“So you aren’t sure about Jensen?”

“No, I am,” Jared said. “I know that we belong together. I just don’t know how.”

“How do you know you belong together?”

“Because being with him makes me feel alive. It’s like ...” He bit his lip.

“Like what, honey?” She reached over and laid her small hand on his very large one.

“Like when I left him, my heart died, and it’s alive again.” He felt his cheeks flush at the sappy words.

She frowned. “You know, Jared, for nine years I’ve hated him. I hated him for taking you away, for the five months of worry, and hated him for the way he took away your joy. You were always a happy boy, and when you came back here, you were grieving. He destroyed your ability to find enjoyment in even the simplest things, and I’ve watched you struggle to get that back. I guess I thought you had. I thought you were content with Mike.”

“It was resignation, not contentment, and that’s nowhere near joy,” he said. “I was numb, and Jen makes me feel.”

She pursed her lips. “Well, he has a lot to prove as far as I’m concerned.”

“Mama, please, you’re supposed to be the supportive one.”

“If you want supportive, talk to Meg. She’s the romantic.”

Jared sighed and slouched in his seat. “Dad will never accept it, will he?”

She smiled a little. “You have to understand that this man caused your family a lot of pain. We didn’t think we’d ever have to forgive him to his face.”

“Okay, look, I’m the one that left him. I hurt him, Mama.”

“You were seventeen, and he took you away.”

“No, I ran away,” Jared said. He saw tears spring to her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt any of you. What I did was selfish and impulsive. I was ... I was in love with him.”

“You didn’t even know him.”

“I wanted ... adventure. Isn’t that what boys do? They run away with the circus or sail away on a pirate ship. That’s what I did.”

A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, and she blinked away the tears.

“Don’t blame Jen, Mama. Please, I need you to not give up on me.”

“Oh, honey, I’d never give up on you.” She stood and kissed his forehead. She smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “So when do I get to meet him?”

“Meet …” Jared heard the text tone of his phone and pulled it out of his pocket, briefly relieved at the interruption. He thumbed his phone on. _Think I need an attorney,_ it read. “Shit!” He jumped up.

“Honey, what is it?”

“I, um, forgot an appointment. I gotta go, Mama.”

“Oh, well, okay.”

“Sorry, I’ll call you.” He was already opening the back door.

“Jared …”

“Love you, Mama. Gotta go.” He rushed across the breezeway to his car. “Fuck, Jen, fuck, what have you done?”

 

  



	5. State of Love and Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  Thanks to [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[**meus_venator**](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) who beta’d this one, but don’t blame her for any errors. They’re still mine. Title from Pearl Jam. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

 

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/20689)

Jensen was seated on a bench outside Courtroom 3C with his hands cuffed behind him when Jared rushed out of the door to the fire stairs. His face was flushed as he approached. Much as Jensen had loved the slim, slightly shy seventeen-year-old, he had to admit this tall, self-assured tree of a man was incredibly hot, especially when running to Jensen’s rescue. Jensen felt a warm glow of satisfaction, but kept his expression neutral.

“Jody,” Jared said to the security officer who stood writing in a notebook beside Jensen.

“Jared,” she answered with raised brows. “You know this miscreant?”

Jared glanced down at him. “Yeah, I do. Problem?”

“Mr. Ackles was in a little scuffle,” she said. “Are you his attorney?”

The dockets were closed in most of the courtrooms and few people walked the hallways, but Jensen saw Jared glance around before he sighed and answered. “Yes,” he said. “Are you charging him?”

She pursed her lips. “Nope. Shift’s about over and I want to get home to my kids. Anyway, he didn’t throw the first punch.”

“What happened?” Jared asked.

She shrugged. “Brother of a defendant didn’t approve of Mr. Ackles professional …” She glanced down at Jensen. “Or was it your _personal_ relationship with his brother he was upset about?”

Jensen cringed inwardly and didn’t answer. He knew he’d have to answer to Jared. He leaned forward to keep his balance and stood. “So you taking the cuffs off?” he asked.

“Yes, gorgeous, I’ll take ‘em off if your attorney here promises to get you out of my hallway.”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “I’ll get him out of here.”

Jody turned Jensen around to unlock the cuffs and for the first time he met Jared’s eye. The expression was guarded, angry even, and Jensen knew that a serious talk was coming. This was exactly the kind of thing he’d been trying to avoid.

Jensen pulled his hands forward and rolled his shoulders, which had begun to stiffen. He rubbed his wrists.

“Thanks, Jody,” Jared said. He grabbed Jensen’s arm and propelled him toward the elevator. “Come on.”

“You know her pretty well?” Jensen asked as he tried to shrug off Jared’s hand.

“Shut up,” Jared said. “You aren’t putting me on the defensive. I see Jody every day in the hall. That’s all.”

There were three other people in the elevator, and they moved away from Jensen. He was so used to it, that he barely noticed. If anything it made him feel safer. Jared stayed quiet until the doors opened and they’d passed through the outer doors of the building. Then he grabbed Jensen’s arm again and stopped him.

“What the fuck was that all about in there?” Jared demanded.

“Not here.”

“Here!” Jared insisted. He had that stubborn set to his jaw, but Jensen wasn’t about to have it out on the steps of the courthouse.

“No.”

“Fine,” Jared spit out. “My car’s over there.”

Jensen followed him and got in the passenger seat of the hybrid with a smirk.

“Are you seriously judging my car?” Jared asked with a frown.

“You know what the fuel economy of a Harley is?” Jensen asked.

“Shut up,” Jared said. He started the car and pulled out.

“My bike …”

“Will be fine. I’ll bring you back to get it.” Jared eased into traffic. “Now spill it.”

Jensen sighed. “I was there for a club prospect, Pup. He got caught with some meth and was charged with trafficking. JD’s concerned about him keeping his mouth shut, so he’s had me here holding his hand.”

“Why you? You bring him to the club?”

“No.” Jensen scratched the back of his neck.

“So?” Jared checked the side mirror before changing lanes. He glanced over Jensen. “Why you?”

“We hung out. Sort of a friend,” Jensen said. “Take a right up here.” He was surprised that Jared did it without question.

Jared gave him a hard look. “A boyfriend?”

“No. It was never like that.”

“But you were having sex with him.”

“A few times, but it wasn’t a relationship.”

“Really? Is that the answer he’d give me?”

“Yes, he knew that.” Jensen tapped his knee. “Make a left here.”

Jared made the left. “So what happened at the courthouse?”

“His family showed up,” Jensen said. “It’s been months of continuations, and they’ve never been there before. His brother started acting the fool, accusing me of getting Pup into drugs and shit.”

“Wow, he clearly doesn’t know you,” Jared deadpanned.

“I never gave Pup any meth,” Jensen said. “I don’t do it. I don’t sell it.” Jensen thought of the 17-year-old he’d taken to a motel, given beer and pot, and fucked in the bathroom. He wondered just how far Jared thought he’d sunk.

Jared side-eyed him. “Then what’s JD so worried about?”

Jensen scoffed. “That doesn’t mean that the DA won’t try to get Pup to point the finger at us for a reduced sentence.”

Jared just nodded.

“Anyway, Pup’s brother started throwing punches. All I did was defend myself, as your Jody said. Make a right.”

“She’s not my …” Jared huffed. “How’d you text me with your hands cuffed behind your back anyway?”

“I texted you before he hit me. I could see how things were going to go.”

“Why me? I know the VB has an attorney.”

“He was in court with Pup. Anyway, you’re much hotter and I missed you.” Jensen reached out and ran his fingertips along the back of Jared’s neck, saw the little shiver that ran through him. “Here we are. Pull in here.”

Jared turned the hybrid into the cracked parking lot. “The Century Motel? Why?”

“I’ve got a room here. Around back. Room 19.”

“Jen …”

“Got an appointment somewhere else?”

“No.” Jared drove around the building and pulled into the spot nearest room 19. Jensen didn’t wait to see if Jared was following him. He’d seen from the heat in his eyes that he would. He let them into the cool, dark room.

“Nice,” Jared said.

“Only the best for you, baby,” Jensen said. He took off his cut and tossed it on the chair. His shirt followed. Jared’s hands were on him, big and hot and strong. He took Jensen’s face in his hands and crushed their mouths together. Jensen’s cock was instantly hard. This is what he needed – for Jared to need him with the same urgency he felt.

Without allowing the kiss to break, he pulled Jared’s hands down and stripped his suit jacket from him while Jared undid his tie. The shirt followed. The whole time, they kissed frantically with occasional clashes of teeth and bruised lips. Fingers grappled with belts and flies and shoes and boots went flying before Jared bore Jensen onto the bed under this weight. He straddled Jensen’s hips.

“Lube?” he gasped between kisses.

“In the drawer,” Jensen said. He sucked at Jared’s pulse point as Jared stretched one arm to the nightstand drawer.

Jared sat up with the bottle of lube in his hand. “You planning on this?” he asked.

“Just like a Boy Scout. Always prepared,” Jensen said with a grin.

“Right.”

“Let me,” Jensen said and took the lube from him. He slicked to fingers and Jared raised up so Jensen could get his hand between them. He curved his fingers up behind Jared’s nuts, along his perineum to the wrinkled furl of his hole. He pushed in while watching Jared’s face. His eyelids fluttered closed, and he bit his lip as Jensen fucked his fingers in and out of the soft, tight heat. Precome oozed from the slit of Jensen’s dick. Jared reached down and rubbed the slick around the head, and then popped his finger in his mouth.

“Mm, come on, Jen. I’m ready,” he said.

“No, not yet. You’re too tight.”

“I’m not. I want you in me.” His voice was so low, raw with want. More precome leaked from Jensen’s cock. Jared smeared up and down the length of it. He lifted up, which pulled Jensen’s fingers from his hole. “Ready,” he said, and before Jensen could react, he lined up and engulfed Jensen’s dick.

“Fuck,” Jensen groaned. “Holy fuck.”

“Yeah.” Jared sounded breathless. He wiggled his ass and Jensen pushed in as deep as he could get. “Oh god, yeah.” Jared began to ride him, eyes shut, hair falling around his face. A flush rose in his cheeks, and sweat beaded on his lip. Jensen couldn’t look away from the pure abandon that filled his lover’s face. Jensen’s hips rose to meet Jared’s movements, slamming into him, making him gasp and moan.

When Jensen wrapped his hand around Jared’s engorged cock, Jared’s head fell back, long neck arched, strong thighs working them both to the finish line. Jensen was fighting to hold back his orgasm, wanting to get Jared there first. Jared’s cock was so hard and hot in his hand, his channel so tight and slick around Jensen’s cock. With a cry, come erupted from Jared’s dick, falling in ropey streams across Jensen’s chest. Jared’s muscles were vice-like around him, pulling his orgasm from him as he spilled deep inside Jared. Jensen’s heels dug into the mattress as he pushed up, holding Jared unmoving for a moment before falling back limp on the mattress.

Jared lay forward on Jensen’s chest and chuckled. “Was that okay?”

“Okay? Yeah, that was okay.” Jensen laughed. “Was it okay for you?”

Jared pushed himself up on his elbows and kissed him. “Yeah. Think that’s going to make me forget all the bullshit?”

Jensen raised his eyebrows. “Did it work?”

Jared’s eyes searched his face a moment before dimples creased his cheeks. “What bullshit?”

He was so beautiful – that broad smile and fox-tilted eyes. It made Jensen’s chest tight with how badly he wanted him always. “Jared.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t leave.”

Jared started to speak and then stopped. He took a breath. “No, I won’t, Jen. We’ll figure it out somehow. I’m with you now.”

“No, not just now.”

“We can only live in the moment, and it’s always now. Even when I’m not physically with you, I’m yours. I don’t think I ever stopped being yours.”

Jensen’s eyes stung. “Yeah, me too.”

“So there was never someone else?” Jared asked.

“There were hundreds of someone elses, but none of them was you.” He lifted his head and pulled Jared down into a kiss. The come that was smeared between them was becoming dry and itchy, and with a slight movement, his cock slid from Jared’s body. He felt his come drip from Jared’s hole onto his groin.

“We should take a shower,” Jared said.

“Yeah.”

They rose and went into the bathroom. As Jensen adjusted the water temperature, Jared pulled the elastic band from his braid and worked the plait apart with his fingers. When they stepped under the hot water, Jared worked water and then shampoo through his hair. The gentle tug on it and the rub of Jared’s fingertips over his scalp pulled all the tension from him. He shut his eyes and felt as though he could fall asleep standing up.

By the time Jared rinsed and conditioned his hair, he felt like taking a long nap. Jared pressed him back against the wall with his wrists trapped in Jared’s hands. His body was all slick, hard muscle. His fingers were forceful as he pushed Jensen’s hands above his head. Jensen had never been with anyone bigger than him, and he wasn’t used to being in this position.

“You okay with this?” Jared asked.

Jensen’s breath was coming quick between parted lips. “I’ve never …”

“I don’t mind being the bottom, but trading off would be fun.”

Jensen nodded. “I trust you.”

Jared buried his face against Jensen’s neck. “God, I love you.” He bit down on the muscle between Jensen’s neck and shoulder, sucked at the skin until it stung. “If we were still kids, we’d be hard again, and I’d drop right here and blow you.”

Jensen huffed out a laugh. “You may get that wish,” he replied as blood began to fatten his cock.

“Yeah? Maybe we should finish washing before we run out of hot water.” He let Jensen’s arms down, and Jensen wrapped them around Jared’s waist and held him tight for a kiss.

They lathered one another up, hands sliding over slick skin, the ridges and valleys of muscle and bone, punctuated by languorous kisses, and they were both hard and needy by the time they rinsed and the water was cooling. They dried off half-heartedly and fell back into bed pleasuring one another with their mouths and hands before falling asleep entangled.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Jared was pulled slowly into consciousness by the smell of pot smoke and the low murmur of voices. Jensen’s body was warm and solid against him. Jared shifted slightly, and Jensen carded his fingers through his hair, fingertips rubbing against the base of his skull.

“So Pup’s family came to take him home?” Chris asked.

“Mm-hm,” Jensen said and then there was the hiss of air pulled between his lips as he took a hit. “His brother made it real clear I wasn’t welcome.” His voice was low and rough from holding the smoke in.

“Always taking one for the MC, huh, bro’?”

“Dude, I really thought they were going to arrest me.”

“Yeah, but your boy came running to your rescue.” There was a smile in Chris’s voice.

“He’s not a boy,” Jensen said.

Chris chuckled. “Yeah, Fox is a big, ole overgrown man now.”

Jared felt a warm familiarity at the nickname. Chris and some of the other VB members had started calling him that when he was with Jensen. Chris using it now meant Jensen’s best friend must be warming up to having him around again.

Jensen took a hit. “Yeah.”

“So he back in?”

Jared stretched himself closer to Jensen’s side, slid his bent leg up over Jensen until his thigh rested across his lover’s groin. He tipped his head up and looked into hooded green eyes. Jensen pressed the roach to his lips, and Jared drew in the heavy smoke.

“You in, baby?” Jensen asked.

“All in,” Jared said without a wisp of smoke emerging.

Jensen leaned down and his mouth was hot and wet, the kiss long, deep; smoke from their lungs curled together around their tongues. In his peripheral vision, Jared saw Chris flop onto his back and light a cigarette.

Jensen rolled him onto his back and moved between his legs. Jared didn’t think about it. This wasn’t the first time they’d had sex with Chris just a few feet away. That had been another seedy motel. Chris was with some peroxided chick he’d picked up in a bar. They’d spent the evening drinking and getting high. When Chris and the girl had started making out, so had they. They’d been just like this, Jensen on his knees with Jared’s legs locked around him, when she’d looked over wide eyed.

“His he gonna fuck him?” she asked. She was on her hands and knees with Chris banging her.

“That’s how he likes it,” Chris said just as Jensen thrust into him. Jared arched off the bed with a moan.

“Jesus Christ, he is! What the hell?”

“If you don’t like it, don’t look,” Chris said.

“But …”

“You jealous?” Chris asked as he continued to pound into her. “You want me to stick my dick in your ass? Cause I’ll bet it’s a hell of a lot tighter than your pussy.”

“No!”

“Then shut up and close your eyes.”

She had, and Jared had closed his, could have lost himself in Jensen, but the fact was there was something hot about Chris and the girl being right there. The one time he’d looked, Chris had been watching as though he and Jensen were Chris’s live porn show. He’d forgotten the strange intimacy of their life with the MC. Things hadn’t changed much. He knew Chris was right there, probably watching.

He wanted Jensen inside him, and within moments he was, his way slicked by his own come. Jared groaned as Jensen pushed inside, filling him, lighting up every nerve. Jensen’s hips rolled in slow shallow thrusts as he kissed Jared’s neck and licked the shell of his ear. Jared opened his eyes and met Chris’s gaze. The cigarette was still clenched between his teeth and his jeans were open, hand stroking his dick.

Jared’s eyes fell shut as Jensen began to thrust faster and harder. Jared’s cock was hard as rock and drooling precome onto his belly, and his channel was clutching at Jensen, prostate almost painfully sensitive. His balls were heavy and tight, and a moan was pushed from his throat with each rock of Jensen’s hips.

“You gonna come for me, baby?” Jensen whispered against his ear. Jared was gasping, right on the edge. He wanted to grab his cock. One touch was all it would take. “Huh? Just my cock. Come on.”

Jensen was panting in his ear, and he could hear the wet slap of Chris’s hand on his cock. Jensen put his hands behind Jared’s knees and angled his hips up more. The head of Jensen’s cock slammed into his prostate once, twice, and every muscle in Jared’s body seized. His hips came up off the mattress, burying Jensen’s cock deep inside him. Jets of come spurted across his chest and face. He cried out.

“Jesus,” Chris groaned.

Jensen had all but quit moving. He was pressed tight against Jared as he shot his release into Jared. He looked sated and happy when he opened his eyes. His cock twitched in Jared’s channel. 

“Can you feel that?” Jensen asked.

“Not done?” Jared asked.

“Guess not,” he said with a grin. He waited until the movements stopped before pulling out. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

“Yeah,” Jared replied. Jensen got up and headed for the bathroom. Jared glanced over a Chris who was lying with his back to them in nothing but his jeans. The cigarette had burned down to the filter in the ashtray, and Jared stubbed it out before following Jensen.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

“Jenny.” A hand shook his shoulder and Jensen half rose off the bed. He propped himself up on one elbow and rubbed his eyes against the glare of the bedside lamp. Chris was dressed and pulling on his cut.

“What’s up?” Jensen mumbled.

“It’s Dev. He’s in St. El again,” Christian said. He stuffed his cell phone in his pocket and picked up his keys.

Jensen sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed. “Give me a minute.”

“No, man, I gotta go, and you don’t have your bike,” Chris said.

“Shit.” His head was still fuzzy with pot and sleep. He’d forgotten that Jared had driven them to the motel the previous afternoon.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll let you know how he’s doing.”

“Yeah, I’ll catch up.”

“Okay.” Chris slipped out.

“Who’s Dev?” Jared asked from beside him.

“Christian’s son,” Jensen said. He got up and pulled his jeans on. “Come on. I need you take me to my bike.”

“I didn’t know Chris had a kid.” Jared was already on his feet and slipping on his trousers. Jensen had always wondered how the kid could wake up so damned fast.

“Yeah, he’s four. Lives with his mom.” Jensen got a clean pullover out of his duffle and put it on. “He’s diabetic, and she’s ... fuck, she’s not the most responsible mother. Chris is going to have a fit. I need to get over there.”

Jared had finished buttoning his shirt and slipped his loafers on. “I’ll go with you. It’ll be faster.” He picked up his jacket and tie.

“No, you need to get to work. The courthouse is on the way.”

“Jen, it’s okay if I’m a little late. I was going to be anyway.”

“No, I’m not going to start fucking up your life already.”

Jared had that stubborn set to his jaw, but apparently decided not to argue. “Fine. Let’s go.”

“So tell me the story,” Jared said when they were in the car.

“Ah, you know, she was just a chick that Christian fooled around with,” Jensen said. He felt a yawn pulling at his jaw and suppressed it. “He tried to break it off when he found out she was using, but she got pregnant.” He made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

“Were they married?” Jared asked.

“Nah,” Jensen said.

“That sucks,” Jared said as he turned into the courthouse parking lot. “Chris doesn’t really have any legal standing unless he’s proved paternity.”

“Yeah, he knows that,” Jensen said. He felt like grinding his teeth because he’d been over all this with Chris a dozen times. It didn’t change the facts.

“I’m sorry,” Jared said as he pulled to a stop behind Jensen’s bike. “I just ... I’m trying to catch up here.”

Jensen sighed. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to be pissy.” He swung the car door open.

“Let me know how things are going,” Jared said as Jensen got out.

Jensen leaned over with one hand on the roof and one on the car door. Jared’s expression was so open and earnest. Jensen wanted to kiss him. “Yeah, I will. Thanks.” He swung the door closed and straddled the Harley. It felt like home as he balanced the weight between his legs, the power as it roared to life. It was like an extension of himself, familiar and comforting.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Jared took the elevator to the pediatric floor and spotted Jensen sitting in a chair down the hallway with a cup cradled between his hands. He’d only had time to pull his hair back in an elastic band earlier, and it hung over his shoulder in a wavy tail. He didn’t notice Jared approach.

“Hey,” Jared said. Jensen looked up with wide eyes that quickly narrowed.

“Why aren’t you at work?” he asked.

“I was,” Jared said. He sat down next to Jensen. “I’m on my way to the courthouse and thought I’d check in. You were supposed to call. How is he?”

“Stable.” He took a sip of coffee and grimaced. “Stupid junkie let him run out of insulin. A friend of hers found him unconscious and called an ambulance.”

“Jesus. How’s Chris?”

Jensen shook his head. “He hasn’t killed anyone.”

“And the mom?”

“Crystal? Hauled her off to jail. She was tweaking, so ... possession, at least. DFPS is here. Chris is asking for a paternity test. I don’t know what’s going to happen. If they put his kid in foster care, he’s going to lose it.”

“Well, if he can prove paternity, he’s halfway there, but he needs to show that he can give the kid a stable home. Can he do that?”

Jensen side-eyed him and took another sip of coffee. Chris came out of the room and both Jared and Jensen stood.

“How is he?” Jensen asked.

Chris looked pale and shaky, but he nodded. “He’s conscious. Knows me, you know. He seems okay.”

“Thank fucking god,” Jensen swore.

Jared shot him a look, and a smile flitted across Chris’s face. “Yeah,” he said. “They’re going to run some more tests. They want to keep him for at least a day, which is good, you know, because ...” He huffed out a breath and shook his head. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“They doing the paternity test?” Jared asked.

Chris really looked at him for the first time. “Yeah, but it could be a week before we get the results back, they said.”

Jared nodded.

“Tell him what you said to me,” Jensen said.

Chris looked between the two of them. “Tell me what?”

“You need to show DFPS that you can give him a stable home,” Jared said.

Chris scoffed. “Well then, I’m screwed, huh?”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Jared asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Chris said. “I mean, if Jenny can settle down a little, then I guess I can, but how?”

“We should all get together and talk about it, don’t you think?” Jared said.

“We?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, friends, family, whoever can help Chris out right now,” Jared said.

The smile that pulled at Jensen’s full lips and crinkled his eyes made Jared’s heart feel like it was on fire. “Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. Chris?”

Chris blinked hard a couple of times and nodded. “Yeah, thanks.” He was looking at a spot somewhere halfway between them. When he looked over at Jared his eyes were wet. “Thank you. I, um, better get back inside.”

“I’ll be here a while,” Jensen said.

“Shit,” Jared said after checking the clock over the nurses’ station. “I gotta get to the courthouse. I’ll check in later.” He turned to go, but Jensen saying his name turned him around.

“I ...” Jensen seemed to be struggling for words, but Jared was pretty sure of what Jensen was thinking.

“Yeah, me too, Jen.”

Jensen smiled and nodded. “I know.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

Jared was just getting out of court when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He fumbled it out and thumbed it on.

“Hey, Jen, how’s Chris?” He saw the pack of people in front of the elevator bank and headed for the stairs.

“He’s hanging in there. Considering the situation, the doctor’s decided to keep Devin for a couple of days.”

“That’s probably a good thing,” Jared said as he went through the fire door.

“Yeah, it is,” Jensen said. “Listen, I wanted to let you know I have some business up in Goat Weed, so I’m headed out of town for a few days.”

“Um, okay.”

“I know. I was going to talk to you about it this morning, but then this shit hit the fan.”

“No, that’s okay. I get it.”

“All right. Well, Christian and I talked about your idea, and we’re going to get together tomorrow evening at the ranch. Think you could come up?”

Jared reached the bottom of the stairwell and pushed through the door to the lobby. “Yeah, absolutely. I’ll be there.”

“Good, I’m glad. I really appreciate this, baby.”

Jared changed direction and stepped into an alcove off the lobby. “Listen, when I said last night that I’m all in, I meant it.”

“Yeah.” There was a pause. “I love you, Fox.”

Jared grinned. “Love you too, Cat.”

Jensen chuckled. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jared thumbed his phone off and headed outside. He was going back to the ranch. He didn’t think he’d ever see it again or JD or Sam or the others, but he didn’t think he’d ever see Jensen again, touch him, make love to him. Here he’d spent the night in a motel room with him, Chris in the next bed. He couldn’t believe how quickly he was falling back into that life after nine years away.

He remembered his first big party in the pit, the clubhouse. He’d been drinking and getting high with the rest of them, and he was a little self-conscious when Jensen pressed him to the wall and kissed him, hands under his clothes and thigh rubbing his crotch.

“Look around,” Jensen said.

Jared had. Dex was fucking a woman who was bent over the pool table. Another woman was kneeling between Chris’s legs, blowing him. Jared had felt his face flush and he didn’t know what to say. Jensen had laughed.

“Let’s go in back,” he’d said and led Jared to a back room with a bed.

He’d gotten less shy over the following weeks, and it wasn’t unusual when the club was blowing off steam to find himself pressed against the wall like that with Jensen rubbing himself against Jared like a big cat, as though he couldn’t get enough contact, like he wanted every inch of Jared at once. He was the same in bed – mouth and hands, chests, bellies and cocks, moving and rubbing, as though claiming Jared, marking him with his scent.

Jared had taken to calling him Cat in response to the nickname Fox that the guys had begun calling him.

“Just between us,” Jensen said.

“Okay, Cat,” Jared agreed as he rubbed his fingertips along base of Jensen’s skull, and Jensen’s eyes fell shut with pleasure.

Jared smiled as he got in the car. He wished he could spend the night with Jensen tomorrow, but he had to be in court at 10 a.m. on Thursday. He still wondered how they’d make it all work out, but he was more determined than ever.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

Jared’s car kicked up a plume of dirt behind it as he turned up the long lane to the ranch. He was unaccompanied by the roar of motorcycles as he had been in the past. He remembered the first time he’d had a knot of excitement in his gut and the feel of Jensen’s hips under his hands.

That boy had been so naïve. He’d had no idea what he was walking into. He did this time. He wasn’t sure if that made him brave or stupid.

He pulled his car in beside the garage, two bikes to each of the four open bays. He recognized Jensen’s in the farthest right one. More bikes were lined up in front of the clubhouse to which a wide porch had been added. The cabin they’d called the dog pen was gone. He wasn’t surprised. It had been in sorry shape even when Jared was there.

He headed for the house where pots of geraniums set on the steps. He wondered if Sam had put them there. If so, she’d become a lot more domestic than she’d been nine years earlier. As he climbed the front steps, the storm door swung open and Jensen met him with a smile. He was pulled into strong arms. Jensen always smelled a little of leather and pot smoke and something else, something essentially Jensen, warm and familiar, that sparked arousal.

“Missed you,” Jared murmured.

Jensen kissed him below the ear. “Yeah, me too.”

Jensen pulled back with a smile and then leaned in brushing soft lips over Jared’s, and Jared couldn’t help tipping his head and seeking more, opening for Jensen’s tongue, and there was the rub, the firm slide of Jensen’s body against him.

“Jesus Christ, some things never change,” came the deep rumble of a voice from the doorway.

Jared felt heat rise in his cheeks as they broke the kiss. JD was standing there holding the door open with a beer in his hand. His beard was a little grayer. There were more lines around his eyes, but he smiled.

“Welcome back, kid,” he said.

“Hey, JD, how ya doing?”

“Good, and look at you – fucking tall, aren’t you? Come on in.”

“Sorry if I’m late,” Jared said.

“You aren’t late,” Jensen said. His hand was on Jared’s shoulder and he propelled him toward the door. “Christian’s only been here a little while. We were just having a beer.”

“ _We_ were having a beer,” JD said. “You were waiting for your boy here.” JD backed up to let Jared through the doorway and had to tilt his head to look up at him. “I guess I should quit calling you that, huh, Fox?”

“He’s gotten too big to be a fox,” Jensen said.

“Fox are sly, so are attorneys,” JD said with a shrug. “Still fits.”

Jared and Jensen followed JD into the kitchen. Sam rose from her chair, cigarette in hand, and hugged him tight. She took a step back but held onto his arms, which she proceeded to knead.

“My God, you have turned into quite a man – all tall and ...” She shook her head. “Mm, mm, I’d fight Jensen for you, but he fights dirty.”

“Oh for God’s sake, shut up and sit down. You’re embarrassing yourself,” JD said.

Sam cocked an eyebrow at him. “Jealous, baby?”

“Jealous, my ass,” JD grumbled. “You wouldn’t last a minute with something that young, and he sure as hell wouldn’t know what to do with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“In case you haven’t noticed, you aren’t his type,” JD said as though explaining something to a child.

She made a sour face and sat down. “Just having fun, grumpy.”

“Don’t let him get you down,” Jared said. “If I decide to switch teams, you’re at the top of my list.”

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure you could educate me,” he said with a grin. Laughter broke out around the table.

“That’s sure as hell right,” JD said.

“Shut up, asshole,” Sam said. She threw her lighter at him. He caught it deftly and tossed it back.

Jared sat down next to Sam and Jensen set a beer in front of him before sitting down beside him.

“Okay, fun and games aside, we’re here for Christian,” JD said with a nod at the blue-eyed man who sat at the end of the table.

“Thanks,” Chris said. “Thanks for driving out, Jared.”

“No problem, man.”

“You remember Snit,” JD said. Jared nodded at the guy with thinning blonde hair. He was a friend of Chris and Jensen’s. “That’s his old lady, Maya, and of course, Blue and Deb.”

Jared nodded at the man beside JD.  He’d gotten the nickname because his coal black hair looked almost blue where the light hit, but it was shot through with white at the temples now. Maya had fuchsia hair and piercings in her lip, nose, and eyebrow. Deb he remembered from before as a taciturn woman with small kids in tow. He supposed they were probably in junior high by now.

“So, any ideas?” Chris asked.

“Look, I hate to ask this again, but are you sure you’re his father?” Jensen asked.

A muscle in Chris’s jaw twitched. “I’m as sure as I can be, man. We’ll know for sure when the test comes back.”

“Let’s go on the assumption that the test is positive,” Jared said. “That will sway the court in your favor. You’ve been a part of his life, right?”

“Yeah, I see him pretty regularly and I’ve been paying the rent, buying food. I quit giving her money, I mean …”

“Yeah, we know what she does with the money,” Sam said with a sneer.

“Okay, so all that looks good, right?” Jensen said.

“Yeah,” Jared said. “Is there anyone that might fight you on it?”

Chris’s brow furrowed. “Crystal’s parents. They said as much this afternoon.”

“They’ve made Chris out to be the bad guy from the beginning, even blame him for her using,” Jensen said.

“Shit,” Jared said. “What kind of people are they?”

Chris shrugged. “Middle class. Mom’s a school teacher, dad’s an insurance agent. Church and all that shit.”

“Okay, so we have to balance that,” Jensen said. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Jared said and took a drink of beer.

“What you said about showing that I have a stable home for Devin to go to, how am I supposed to do that?” Chris asked. “All I have is a crappy apartment that I crash in occasionally.”

“Is there somewhere else, somewhere you might have some support where you could go?” Jared’s eyes flicked from Chris to JD and he squeezed Jensen’s knee under the table.

“We have room here,” Jensen said, “but do you think social services is going to go for that?”

“What this nice home with extended family?” Jared asked with a smile.

“Seriously,” Sam said. “I was never the mom type.”

“Bullshit,” Jensen said. Everyone’s attention focused on him, and Sam’s eyes were wide. Jensen glanced up at her. “I never called you mom, but you were always there for me from the time I was six.”

“Well …” she said and then looked away.

“Yeah, me too,” Chris said. “Ever since the accident. I mean, I wasn’t a kid like Jen, but … yeah.” Chris’s parents had died in a motorcycle crash when he was 16. He’d moved to the ranch then.

“Maybe we don’t show our appreciation around here for you, Sami, but you are the glue that keeps this motley family together,” JD said.

“I, um, I know I haven’t been around all that long,” Maya said, “but you’ve taught me a lot.”

“That’s right, hon,” Deb said. “Everyone knows you’re the mama bear, and I’ll help out with your little guy however I can, Christian.”

Jared saw Sam try to surreptitiously swipe at her eye, and he suspected Chris was going to have to soon as well.

“All right, so what’s the plan?” Jensen asked.

“Well, Chris and Devin will need rooms,” Sam said.

“Okay, so I’ll move to the club house and they can have my room and the one next to it,” Jensen said. “I’ll move my stuff in the morning.”

“I’ll start redoing them then,” Sam said.

“I’ll help,” Maya volunteered with a grin.

“Me too,” Deb said.

“What else?” JD said.

“We need to tone down the clubhouse,” Jensen said. “It can’t look like a dive bar.”

“Right,” Jared said. “More like a middle-class rec room.”

JD and Blue groaned and exchanged glances.

“Hey, this is for Chris,” Jensen said.

“Once he gets full custody, things can go back to normal,” Jared added.

JD nodded. “Yeah, but we’re going to need to get the rest of the members together and talk about it, and you.” He pointed at Jared. “Prospect?”

Everyone became quiet. Jared looked around the table. Chris gave him an almost imperceptible nod. Jensen was expressionless.

“Yeah,” Jared said.

“All right. We’ll vote on that too,” JD said. He leaned forward and rapped his knuckles on the table. “We got a plan. Everyone keep in touch.”

Jensen stood and pulled Jared to his feet. The others were talking amongst themselves, and Jensen drew him down the hallway to his room. There were curtains on the windows and a new a dresser.

“Wow, you got a bed frame,” Jared said with a smile. One look at Jensen’s face and it disappeared.

“Are you sure?” Jensen said.

“About joining the club?”

“Yeah.”

Jared huffed. “What part of ‘all in’ did you not understand?”

“So you’re just going to give up your life?”

“I didn’t say that, Jen. But look, everything changes every day it seems like. This situation with Chris … There’s something I learned when I was here before, and it’s that the club is family. Now, if I want to be a part of this family, I have to be a part of the club.”

“You don’t have to be a member.”

“Oh so what? I can be your old lady?”

Jensen snorted. “No. I don’t know. I just don’t want you to rush into this.”

Jared nodded. “I get that, but I’m not a kid anymore. I do understand what I’m getting into, and I know that making a commitment to you, which is the only thing I want, means taking the club too. I hope that no one thinks that means I’m going to be selling drugs or running guns or whatever the hell you all are doing these days. I can still be what I am. Right?”

Jensen nodded. “Yes, but it also means you’ll get your hands dirty. The club may ask you to do things that aren’t strictly legal.”

“I know, and it will probably start with me lying to judges and social services. I get it, Jen.”

Jensen sighed and rolled his lips between his teeth. “Do you?”

“Yes, I’m not going to pretend that this will be easy, but we’re going to figure it out. Okay?” Jared hooked his fingers in Jensen’s belt and pulled him forward.

“Okay.” He tipped his head up and kissed Jared.

“Want me to help you move your stuff?”

Jensen’s hands slid around his waist, pushed up under his shirt. “No, I want you in my bed.”

“I can’t stay the night.”

“Can you stay an hour or two?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

 

  



	6. Against the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   I’d like to thank my beta on this one [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[**meus_venator**](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/). Title from Bob Seger. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/20799)

Jensen had gone into the bathroom to take a piss and was washing his hands at the sink when Jared slipped up behind him. Long arms wrapped around his waist, and Jared rested his chin on Jensen’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispered.

Jensen met his gaze in the mirror. His eyes were dark with want. “Hey,” Jensen said.

Jared grasped the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt and pulled it up. Jensen raised his arms and let Jared slide it over his head. He felt the heat of Jared’s already bare chest against his back as Jared leaned in and kissed his neck, below his ear, took his earlobe between his teeth and tugged, drew it between his lips and suckled. Blood rushed to Jensen’s groin, and he gasped as Jared’s thumb rubbed over a nipple.

“Remember that bathroom at the Starlight Motel outside Heyworth?” Jared asked.

Jensen remembered the boy with the fox eyes, the need and urgency, the way he surrendered. “Yeah,” he replied.

Jared ground his hips against Jensen, trapping him against the front of the vanity. The hard line of his cock lined up with the crease of Jensen’s ass.

“Have you ever?” Jared asked.

Jensen saw his own eyes go wide in the mirror. “No.”

“Would you?”

It’s not as though other men hadn’t asked in far less polite ways. Plenty had wanted to bend him over and “fuck his pretty ass.” He’d never even considered it. Those guys made Jensen want to fight, not fuck. He didn’t want to fight Jared, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to get fucked either.

“You want me to give it up, huh?” he said with a smirk.

“I want you to trust me,” Jared said.

“I do,” he replied. He thought he did. Jared wasn’t just asking to fuck him. He was asking him to surrender as he had. Jensen wasn’t sure he could.

Jared must have seen his apprehension. “The moment you say ‘no’ I’ll stop.”

Jensen licked his lips and nodded. Jared’s arms tightened around him, and he growled in Jensen’s ear. He pulled them away from the vanity and deftly opened the fly of Jensen’s jeans.

“Fuck, still goin’ commando?” He tugged on Jensen’s erection, smearing precome down the length. “So fucking hot.”

Jensen closed his eyes and let his head fall back against Jared’s shoulder as Jared worked his cock with one hand while the other played with a nipple. Jared’s hips were rolling against him, hard-on sliding against his ass. It felt huge even through two layers of denim.

Jared stepped back then and turned him around. “You’re sure?” he asked. His eyes searched Jensen’s face.

Jensen knew this was a make or break moment. He thought of how Jared was risking everything for him, for Chris, and the club. He nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Jared took his wrist and pulled him into the bedroom.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Jared didn’t remember taking off the rest of his clothes. He was too intent on watching Jensen, eyes skimming over the creamy freckled skin, black ink, ripples of muscle. He’d seen the apprehension in Jensen’s eyes. He knew this wasn’t easy for him. He was always the tough one, the one in control, and letting go, giving Jared the lead had to be scary. He wondered if Jensen could possibly know what it meant to him. He wanted so desperately to claim Jensen, to make him feel what he felt when Jensen was inside him.

Jared stepped forward and grasped Jensen’s arm, kissed him as he backed him toward the bed. When Jensen’s legs hit the edge, Jared kept going. Jensen caught himself with one arm as he fell back, and Jared followed him down. He was on his knees, straddling Jensen and took his wrists as he had in the shower and held them above his head. Jensen’s eyes were wide, his lips parted around shallow breaths. Jared kissed him, stealing his breath, plundering his mouth.

He laved along Jensen’s jaw, planted small kiss below his ear, before sucking the skin over his pulse point between his teeth, rolling and sucking at it until Jensen was writhing below him. He moved down over his collar bone and licked over a nipple. He sucked gently at it and then with more force. Jensen gasped. His arms were stretched as far as they’d go, and he let go of Jensen’s wrists.

“Roll over,” he said.

Jensen hesitated but complied. Jared propped himself up on one hand and ran the other over Jensen’s shoulder, massaged the knob of his spine with a thumb. The hand trailed across his shoulder blade, down his backbone, over the globe of his ass. He moved his weight back and nudged Jensen’s legs apart, knelt between them. He kneaded Jensen’s ass cheeks with both hands and pulled the crease open with his thumbs. Jensen tensed slightly. The furled hole twitched. Jared leaned down and traced it with the tip of his tongue. Jensen gasped, and Jared licked with more force, pushing the muscle open slightly. He inhaled Jensen’s warm musky scent, and his cock jerked, leaked precome. He pushed his tongue against Jensen’s anus and the muscles resisted a moment before allowing the slick muscle inside. Jensen moaned.

Jared bent Jensen’s right leg and pushed it outwards, opening him up farther. He pushed in deeper tasting the dark, earthiness of the soft, slick walls. His cock was desperately hard, leaking, needing to fuck into that tight channel. He understood the urgency that Jensen had felt that day at the Starlight, the need to sink in and possess. His hips bucked instinctively.

He pushed his tongue in again and again, deeper, curling and twisting, and Jensen’s muscles were relaxing around it. Soft sighs and moans were falling from his lips. Jared slipped a finger in alongside his tongue, crooked it, seeking out that soft lump that ... yeah, he knew when Jensen pushed back with a whimper that he’d found it. He replaced his tongue with a second finger, scissored and rubbed over Jensen’s prostate. Jensen’s hips rolled, but Jared didn’t want him to get off like this. He pulled his fingers out and coated them with lube from a bottle on the bed table. He pushed two back in but soon added a third. Jensen tensed briefly but began to relax again when Jared paused and then slowly began twisting and pressing in farther.

“Please,” Jensen said. “I’m ready.”

Jared looked at where his fingers were disappearing into Jensen’s hole and then at his own dick. He wasn’t so sure. He remembered the pain of that first time and the pleasure. He withdrew his fingers.

“Yeah,” he said. He sounded breathless. He slicked his cock and pulled Jensen to his knees and elbows. Jensen’s opening was loose and shiny with lube, and Jared squeezed the base of his cock to fight back a sharp spike of arousal that had his balls trying to draw up. He slid the head of his cock along the crease of Jensen’s ass, pressed it against his entrance. He felt the muscles tighten.

“Sh, relax,” he said echoing Jensen’s words from so long ago. He didn’t pull back, but he didn’t push harder. He waited a moment more before adding a little pressure.

“Fuck!” he said as the crown was swallowed. “Oh my God, holy fuck.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

It hurt. Jensen sucked air in sharply through his nose. He knew Jared was hung, but this felt like a baseball bat was being shoved up his ass. Jared paused with the head of his cock wedging Jensen’s body open. This is what he’d done to Jared that first time. They’d been strangers, and he couldn’t believe Jared hadn’t fought him off or had ever let him touch him again. But Jared had wanted it, and Jensen wanted this. He did. He wanted to give Jared this, wanted to know how there could be pleasure in it. He took a deep breath and released it as Jared pushed in deeper.

There was a burn, but the pain was easing. There was something satisfying in the fullness of it and the way Jared gripped his hips. He let himself relax some more as Jared withdrew and slowly slid back in. The second time, Jared pushed down on the small of Jensen’s back, tipping his hips up more, and the head of his cock nudged Jensen’s prostate. A grunt was punched from his throat that made heat climb the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” Jared said breathlessly. “Good, huh?”

Good didn’t begin to cover it as that spot was hit repeatedly as Jared thrusts picked up speed and force. Jensen’s cock bobbed and drooled precome, and his balls felt full and taut. Tension pooled in his groin. Every nerve in his channel seemed lit up, the fullness seeming to increase as his muscles rippled around Jared’s cock. He heard his own moans but had no conscious control of them. His hands fisted in the sheets, twisting and pulling. The head of Jared’s cock slid over his prostate each time it passed as it plunged deeper.

“Oh God, Jen,” Jared moaned. “Oh ...”

Jensen balls drew up hard and his back arched as his cock jerked, shooting come onto the sheets. Jared’s hips stuttered as Jensen’s muscles squeezed the thick length prying them open. Fingers bit into his hips as Jared slammed into him and then thrust shallowly, shooting deep inside him, slicking his channel. Jensen’s cock jerked again at the thought of Jared spilling into him.

“Oh ... Jesus, your ass, Jen.”

Jensen would have chuckled with satisfaction if he’d been able to catch his breath. As it was, he went limp and dropped into the puddle of his own come. Jared’s cock slipped from his ass.

“Roll over, gorgeous,” Jared said.

“Mm,” Jensen groaned.

Jared chuckled. “Come on, Jen, quit being a wuss.”

Jensen rolled himself over, and Jared lowered himself onto him. Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared’s and pulled his face down for a kiss.

“Was that okay?” Jared asked.

Jensen laughed. “Yeah, it was okay.”

Jared grinned, dimples creasing his cheeks.  “I love you, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Jensen frowned. “I hope that isn’t clouding your judgment.”

Jared sighed and rolled off Jensen. “It probably is, but I’m trying to make as rational decisions as possible. This is going to be a balancing act. We both know that.”

Jensen turned onto his side. “Yeah, it is. If you have any doubts or misgivings, I want you to tell me.”

“If you promise not to keep secrets from me.”

Jensen nodded. “Deal.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, if that’s your rule, then I’ll tell you ...”

“What?” Jared asked. Jensen pressed against his side and threw an arm over his chest. 

“It’s not that easy, you know. There’s just a lot of shit that goes on, and some of it could put you in a bind. Stuff you probably don’t need to know anyway.”

“Use your best judgment. If you aren’t sure, then you should probably tell me.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jensen checked his watch. “Shit, I better take a shower. The club’s having a meeting in half hour.”

“Okay, I better head back anyway.” Jared sat up and swung his legs off the bed. “You’ll let me know what they vote.”

“About this prospect thing, I’ll try to get ‘em to go easy on you.” Jensen got up and headed for the bathroom.

Jared slipped in ahead of him and began washing his dick in the sink. “Yeah, they need to understand that I’m not going to just hang around and clean the Pit. I’ve got another life.”

The words felt like Jared pulling away. Jensen pursed his lips in thought. “Yeah, balance.”

Jared looked startled. “Jen.”

“No, you’re right. You keep saying we’ll work it out. We will.”

Jared huffed and rolled his eyes. “Look, I know this won’t be easy, but I’m not a kid anymore. I’m an adult. I’m not going to just drift through my life in someone else’s wake, okay? I’m going to be in control.”

For some reason, that just struck Jensen the wrong way. He grabbed Jared and shoved him against the wall rattling bottles of toiletries on the shelf and toppling a few onto the floor. “If you think that you’re in control of me, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Jared’s pupils were blown and his cock was thickening against Jensen’s hip. “Fuck,” he panted. “That’s not what I meant.”

“No? Cause you’re getting awfully toppy here,” Jensen smirked.

“I was just playing in bed, Jen,” he said. “I’m not going to try to push you around.”

Jensen was too aware of all the hot, bare skin he was pressed against, Jared’s erection and labored breath. “Yeah,” he said. His hand cupped Jared’s ass, and he kissed the corner of that broad mouth right where a dimple would crease his cheek.

“We don’t have time for another round, Jen,” Jared said. He sounded breathless.

“I know, I know.” He stepped back, but held onto Jared who leaned in and kissed him.

His brows knitted. “We’re okay, right?”

Jensen nodded. “We’re more than okay.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

The members all sat around a scarred wooden table in the backroom of the Pit where the club met. JD at the head with Jensen, his VP, at his left. Raz, founding member sat at the foot of the table. Blue, JD’s right-hand-man, his lieutenant, sat on his right. Boney was the other founding member. Chris sat on Jensen’s right, other younger members, Ty, Snit and Dino were intermingled with the others.

“There’s a couple reasons we’re all here,” JD said. He looked around the table at familiar faces. “First of all, Chris here is trying to get custody of his son, and we’re all going to do whatever we can to make that happen.”

Heads around the table nodded. “We got your back, brother,” said Ty, the club’s only black member and childhood schoolmate of Jensen and Chris.

“That means that we all need to be vigilant for social services,” Jensen said. “We’re going to have to temporarily turn the Pit into a middle-class rec room, if you know what I’m saying.”

“That means no open drug use, sex, whatever,” JD said. “Be careful what you say and who you say it too.”

There were a couple disgruntled looks, but again there were nods of agreement.

“Now, the second topic will require a vote,” JD said. “For those who don’t know, Fox is back.”

“No shit?” Ty exclaimed.

Jensen nodded and his friend grinned. Most of the guys were smiling or smirking but Dino looked confused. “Wait, who’s Fox?”

“He’s Jensen’s boy,” JD said.

Chris made a snorting sound. “Boy, my ass. He’s bigger than Jensen.”

“Oh yeah?” Ty said. He and Chris burst into laughter, and Jensen rolled his eyes but felt heat creeping up the back of his neck.

“All right, all right, you girls can gossip later,” JD said. “We’re here to vote on a prospect.”

“Before we do,” Jensen said. “You all need to know that he wouldn’t be an ordinary prospect. He’s an attorney at a law firm in Dallas.” Jensen saw looks exchanged between the others – some with knitted brows. “Now, I know that sounds strange to you, but it could be a benefit to the club.”

Chris nodded. “He’s already helping me out with Dev. That’s not to say that he’s going to be everyone’s free legal counsel, but ... I think we should give him a shot.”

Boney leaned forward on his elbows, and Jensen knew he probably wouldn’t like what came out of the man’s mouth. If there was anyone in the club who didn’t approve of Jensen’s sexuality, it was Boney. “I don’t know,” the biker said. “It sounds like he’s pretty tight with the law establishment. Why should we trust him?”

Jensen shot the other man a glare and took a deep breath. Losing his temper wouldn’t help Jared’s case. “For those of you who don’t know the history here, Fox and I were together nine years ago. He was seventeen, and when he left here, he was questioned by the cops and pressured by his parents to turn on us. He didn’t do it then when he was just a kid, and he won’t do it now.”

“I agree,” JD said. “He wouldn’t be back here asking to prospect if he weren’t committed.”

“You don’t know that,” Boney said. “For all you know, his whole program is to rat us out.”

Jensen was halfway out of his chair when JD grabbed one arm and Chris the other. They dragged him back into his seat.

“Listen,” Chris said. He leaned over the table with a finger pointed at Boney. “Fox might not give a shit about the rest of us, but he’d never turn on Jensen. Never. He’s not a rat.”

“This is ridiculous,” Boney said. “My old lady is loyal too, but I ain’t asking to let her prospect.”

“Oh man, that’s just bullshit,” Ty said.

“Yeah, man, that’s out of line,” Snit said. “Fox is helping the club out.”

“How?” Boney said. “By helping Chris with his kid? That ain’t club business.”

“Fuck you, Boner,” Chris said.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Blue said. “Let’s not lose focus here, okay? Now, I’d rather make Fox a member and encourage his loyalty. It’s the smart thing to do.”

“Any other discussion?” JD asked and looked around the table. “All right, let’s vote. Yes.”

Boney looked Jensen in the eye. “No.”

Yes and aye were heard from Plush, Snit, Blue, Ty and Chris. Dino and Raz voted, no, which left Jensen to vote, yes.

“Vote passes,” JD said.

Chris patted Jensen on the back as the men around the table rose and began to file out. Boney had a scowl on his face that Jensen tried to ignore.

“Let it go,” he heard JD say.

Chris and Ty were ahead of Jensen as they walked to the bar.

“Don’t think I’m going to go easy on your bitch,” Boney said behind Jensen.

His fist was already moving forward when he turned. It caught Boney square in the jaw and knocked him backward, but Jensen didn’t let it go at that. The man had hounded him and undercut him every chance he got. He’d worked against Jensen becoming VP solely on not liking who Jensen fucked.

Jensen followed the right jab with a left hook and another right jab. Boney managed to get one in under his block and caught Jensen in the ribs. It put enough space between them for Boney to move around behind the couch.

“Go ahead and run, you little prick,” Jensen said.

“I ain’t runnin’ from you,” Boney said as he swiped at the blood running into his eye.

Jensen grinned and motioned him forward with a wave of his hand. “Come on then, old man.” He could hear Chris and Ty and some of the others laugh.

Boney’s face was red with rage, veins popping out in his neck as he rounded the sofa and charged Jensen who stepped to the side and grabbed the man’s shirt twisting him around and smashing his fist into his face once, twice, and then dropping him as he went limp.

Jensen heaved in a breath and wiped the blood from his lip. He spit on the unconscious man. “Stupid prick.”

Then Ty was there throwing an arm around his shoulders with a grin and offering him a bottle of tequila. Jensen took a drink and let Ty propel him to the bar. He met JD’s eye for a moment. His father raised his beer in salute.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

Jared sagged against the wall of elevator and pinched the bridge of his nose. Possibly the worst thing about his job were the meetings where it seemed to take ten times longer than necessary to decide on an obvious solution. This was one of things to take into account when he evaluated his life and career. Meetings suck.

His mind drifted to the last time he was with Jensen. Satisfying as it had been to top him, he had to admit he found pushy Jensen incredibly hot. He was a little embarrassed by how hard he’d gotten from Jensen pushing him against the bathroom wall. Just thinking about it … He shouldn’t think about it. The elevator dinged, and he stepped out into the reception area of his floor.

Todd at the reception desk gave him an uncomfortable look, hesitated and then spoke. “There’s, um, someone waiting for you in your office.”

Jared glanced down the hallway and saw that his office door was closed.

“Who is it?”

Todd shook his head and had trouble meeting Jared’s eye. “I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

“He didn’t say? You didn’t ask?”

“I ... no,” Todd answered.

“No. Okay,” Jared huffed in disbelief. He knew Todd could be a little strange, but he thought he was at least competent to handle visitors. He’d never just let someone go to Jared’s office when he wasn’t there before. Jared quickly covered the distance to his office with nightmare scenarios of P.I.s rifling through his files or angry clients waiting to get the drop on him. He swung his office door open and stopped dead with a shake of his head.

Sitting back in Jared’s office chair with his boots up on the desk was Jensen wearing jeans and black leather chaps, sleeveless shirt and his cut, and a black bandana tied around his head. He was fiddling with the letter opener.

“Jen, Jesus Christ,” he said. He pushed the door shut behind him.

“Hey, Fox,” Jensen said with an indolent smile. Jared tracked the movement of muscle under the black ink of a scorpion on Jensen’s upper arm as he laid the letter opener on the desk. Blood was migrating south, and Jared bit his lip. Jensen’s smile grew. “Missed you,” he said.

“You shouldn’t come here,” Jared said. He was trying to sound business-like, but was afraid he failed miserably by the way Jensen’s eyes sparkled.

“You did miss me though?” Jensen asked.

Jared rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course,” he replied and set his files on the desk. It had been three days since he’d been at the ranch. He’d been surprised by how much he’d missed Jensen. He wasn’t about to admit what he’d been thinking about in the elevator.

Jensen swung his boots off the desk and stood. “Well, I had some news I wanted to deliver in person.”

“Couldn’t wait?” Jared asked with raised brows.

Jensen walked around the desk. “Nope, couldn’t wait.” His voice was lower, rawer.

“Jen, don’t do that. Not here,” he asked.

Jensen stopped at the corner of the desk. He looked down. “Okay,” he said, then looked up through a thick fringe of lashes. “Okay. You got voted in.”

“Yeah? And they all understand I’m not going to be the club bitch?”

Jensen gave him a long hard look that Jared couldn’t quite interpret. “I made it clear that you aren’t even my bitch.”

“Oh, okay,” Jared said. “So who was it?”

“Boney,” Jensen said. “He has issues with my choices.”

“Yeah, I remember that.”

Jensen nodded. “Dino followed his lead and voted no as well, but I think he’ll be okay with it. Boney won’t. He’s going to be a thorn in our side. He doesn’t want me taking over for JD when he’s done.”

“Is that where you got that cut on your lip?” Jared asked.

Jensen smirked. “He and I had a productive interaction regarding your position in the club.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ, really?”

“You know how it is,” Jensen said. “I doubt he’ll let it go though. He’s going to give you a hard time.”

Jared nodded. “Okay, I’ll keep my guard up.”

“Yeah, good,” Jensen said. “The other thing is the results of Chris’s paternity test came back positive like he figured.”

“And?”

“Social services have agreed to release Dev into his custody,” Jensen said. “but Crystal’s parents are seeking custody as well.”

“Well, we were afraid of that,” Jared said.

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t do child custody cases, and even if I did, my contract with the firm would prevent me representing him,” Jared said. “I’ll help him find someone. In fact, I think I know someone who will be sympathetic.”

Jensen pursed his lips and nodded. “Okay, good.”

Feeling the pull of Jensen’s body, Jared took a step closer, resisted reaching out and touching him. “You gonna be in town for a while?”

The bow of Jensen’s lips twitched into a smile. “Yeah, why?” Green eyes lifted to Jared.

Jared’s resistance melted. He pulled Jensen toward him. “Because I have missed you.”

Jensen tipped his head up, offering his mouth. It was so soft and warm. Jared’s cock hardened. A powerful arm went around his waist and pulled him closer. Jensen shifted so Jared’s hard on was pressed against his hip. Jensen’s hand cupped the globe of Jared’s ass, and Jared lost himself in the wet heat of Jensen’s mouth and the powerful line of his body pressed against his own.

“Jared, I’m glad you’re back. I need to talk ...”

Jared pulled away from Jensen like a scalded dog. Catrina was standing with her hand still on the doorknob. She looked between Jared and Jensen who was standing with his head down and fingers to his lips and back to Jared.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had someone in your office. I need to talk to you about the Hartley case when you have a moment,” she said. Her professional façade didn’t break for a moment.

“Yeah, give me five minutes,” Jared said.

“Right, just drop by my office,” she said and exited. The door swung quietly closed behind her.

Jared closed his eyes and slumped against the desk. “Fuck.” He heard Jensen snort, and his eyes flew open. Jensen still had a hand over his mouth as though trying to hold laughter in and his eyes crinkled at the corners. Beautiful bastard. “It isn’t funny.”

Jensen fought to make his expression neutral and dropped his hand. “Who was that?”

“My boss, shit,” Jared said and ran both hands back through his hair.

“Hey, come on, what are you ashamed of me?”

He heard the tease in Jensen’s voice, but he thought there was probably some real doubt behind it. “I’m ashamed of getting caught making out like a teenager at work. Not exactly professional.”

“Yeah, I should go so you can go do damage control, huh?”

Jared felt nothing but gratitude. “Thanks for understanding. I love you.”

“But your boss and co-workers might not get it,” Jensen said.

Jared followed him to the door. “Hey, hold up a sec.” When Jensen turned, Jared pulled him close, fingers running across the soft warm skin at the back of Jensen’s neck, heavy braid falling across his fingers. He pressed a firm kiss to those plush lips.

“So are you going to be in town?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be in town for the weekend.”

“Great,” Jared grinned. “You want to help me move?”

“Move? When did you find time to get a new place?”

“I’m amazing at scheduling and multitasking.”

Jensen chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll help you move, set up your bed ...”

Jared laughed and shook his head. “That is the most important piece of furniture.”

“Damn straight it is,” Jensen said. “Call me later.” He slipped out, and Jared steeled himself to go to Catrina’s office before stepping into the hallway himself.

Catrina’s door was open and she was at her desk, head bent over a file. Jared knocked on the door frame and waited for her to look up before going in.

“Have a seat,” she said.

“Thanks.” He sat and rubbed his sweaty palms down the front of his pant legs as though smoothing the fabric. “Listen, I want to apologize. I don’t usually have personal visitors at work, and it won’t happen again.”

“Oh well, I’m glad to know that wasn’t a client,” she said with a smile.

Jared chuckled. “No, it wasn’t. No.”

“Boyfriend?” she asked with raised brows.

“Yeah.”

Her brows knitted. “I thought ...” She shook her head. “None of my business.”

“No, it’s okay. Ask.”

“I thought you were with an attorney from Speight, Cohen & Pellegrino.”

“Yeah, I was, but it didn’t work out. We just weren’t a good fit.”

Her perfectly arched brows climbed her forehead again, and she tapped her pen on the desk. “And you and biker guy are a good fit?”

“Jensen,” he said. “Yeah.”

She leaned forward. “You’re a little young for a mid-life crisis,” she whispered.

Jared huffed out a laugh. “I’ve known Jensen since I was seventeen. It’s not a mid-life crisis, it’s ... It is what it is.”

She leaned back and nodded. “Oh.” She was silent a moment. “Is this going to be a problem for you here?”

“No,” he said. “It has nothing to do with my work.”

“Jared, he’s a member of a motorcycle gang.”

“Club. Motorcycle club,” he corrected.

She gave him a hard look. “You know, I didn’t grow up in some McMansionville. I know what a gang is, and I know what the Viper Brotherhood is.”

“I don’t work for the VB. I work for McClellan, Stephens, Howe.” Jared looked her in the eye. “Who I sleep with has nothing to do with who I represent in the courtroom or how I do it.”

She nodded. “You’ve been doing an excellent job here. I like you, but don’t think that I won’t be watching.”

“Absolutely,” Jared said.

“Okay, now about the Hartley case ...”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24800)

Jared stretched and opened his eyes. The lights of the city filtered in through the vertical blinds that were angled across the tall windows. It cast rippling light over the pipes and A/C ducts that ran across the loft’s ceiling.

Jensen had helped him move in that day and now lay against his side on the new California-king platform bed. It was one of the few pieces of furniture properly placed in the large room where piles of boxes loomed like rocky outcroppings in the uneven light from the windows.

Jensen shifted in his sleep, his breath ghosting over Jared’s cheek. Jared thought of how his head used to fit under Jensen’s chin as they lay together. Jensen used to seem so big and powerful. It wasn’t that he’d gotten smaller, but Jared had grown taller and just as strong. Still, he knew who the tougher man was.

He turned his head and touched his fingers to the healing cut on Jensen’s lip. Jensen had already been fighting for them and in his own way so had he. Everything was so much more complicated than it had been nine years earlier. It wasn’t that he regretted the choices he’d made, but part of him longed for the simplicity of that time and the impulse to just choose Jensen and the rest be damned. He brushed Jensen’s lips with his own, and sleep heavy eyes fluttered open, dark in the pale light.

“Hey,” Jensen said.

“Hey.”

“Something wrong?”

“No,” Jared said. “Just thinking.”

“’bout what?” Jensen blinked the sleep from his eyes.

“About you and me. How much time we have to make up for,” Jared whispered.

Jensen pushed himself up on an elbow and brushed Jared’s hair back from his face. “You ever wonder what we’d be like if you hadn’t left?”

“No, I wouldn’t let myself think about it,” he said. “You?”

“All the time.”

“What’s it like? Our life?”

Jensen smiled. “I’ve imagined it a hundred different ways. We always work it out. We’re together.”

“And you’re in the club.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. Can you imagine leaving your family?”

“No, and that’s why I’d never ask you to leave the club, Jen. It’s your family.”

“Yours too now.”

“Yeah, I know, and that isn’t a bad thing. I want you to know that. I don’t resent it or anything.” Jared couldn’t help picturing Catrina’s glare across the desk the previous afternoon. She was keeping an eye on him, which meant she was watching the VB as well now. “In fact, I feel strangely protective of it as well as you.”

“You talking about your boss here?”

Jared bit his lip and nodded.

“We haven’t had a chance to talk about your conversation with her yesterday.”

Jared ran his hand up Jensen’s arm, over the swell and dip of muscle. The scorpion appeared to shift in the night shadows. “She’s not some trust fund kid.” Jared sighed. “She made it clear that she knows what the VB is and that it better not affect my work, which is good actually because I have to steer clear of the appearance of being influenced by the club.”

“I don’t want to hurt your career,” Jensen said.

“You know what, Jen, I don’t even know right now what I want my career to be,” he said.

“You don’t want to be an attorney anymore?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, but there are a lot of different kinds of law. You know, at MSH, I’m getting a taste of different things, which is good. I know I don’t want to do family law, divorces for God’s sake, but ... I don’t know. I just feel really unsettled right now. Being with you again, it’s like I’ve got an opportunity to take inventory of my life and find the right path for me before I get too old, you know?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I know. I was getting to the point that I thought that my expectations were just too high, that maybe even what I had with you was, I don’t know, some kind of illusion. That I’d made more of it in my memory than it really was.” Jensen’s eyes followed his fingers as they traced Jared’s cheek, along his jaw. “When I ran into you at the bar, you’d changed so much, but ... I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I couldn’t move on without seeing you again. That night in your office, I knew that it hadn’t been an illusion. Everything I’d felt for you was real.”

Jensen stopped, lips parted as though stunned by what he’d said. Jared’s eyes stung, and he pulled Jensen down into a kiss. Jensen spread himself across Jared’s body, and his hand slipped into Jared’s hair, gripped, tugged.

“Fuck,” Jared gasped and bucked arched beneath him.

Jensen laughed and his grip tightened again. “Like that?”

Jared grunted and writhed.

“Looks like we found a whole new kink, darlin’.”

“Fuck me, Jen.”

“Wow, that just took you from zero to a sixty in about 2.4 ...”

“Shut up and fuck me,” Jared growled.

Jensen loosened his grip and then tugged. “Beg.”

“I’m not fucking begging, you bastard,” Jared said and rolled his hips up against Jensen’s belly. “You want to.”

“Come on, baby,” Jensen murmured in that low, gritty voice that made precome ooze from Jared’s cock. “Beg a little for me.”

Jared rolled his hips again, but Jensen raised up to his knees so Jared couldn’t make contact. “Fuck, come on, you asshole,” Jared said. He heard the need in his voice, almost desperation. The thought crept into Jared’s head that he could probably wrestle Jensen onto his back and fuck himself on Jensen’s cock. He could feel it drooling onto his belly now, but fuck if he didn’t want it that way.

“Please,” he said. “Fuck me, please.”

“Jesus,” Jensen cursed. His fingers slid from Jared’s hair as he sat back and shoved Jared’s legs over his shoulders. Jared flinched when Jensen thrust a finger into him. Still so fucking wet.” Jensen scooped up precome from Jared’s stomach and rubbed it over his dick before lining up with Jared’s anus and sinking in to the hilt.

Jensen grasped Jared’s thighs as he thrust in deep and fast. Jared felt as though he was being bent in half. His cock was hanging hard and aching, but when he reached for it, Jensen slapped his hand away.

“Not yet,” he growled as he continued hammering away at Jared’s ass. Jared’s hands fisted in the sheets. He was right there, right fucking there, when Jensen gasped and arched over him, bottomed out, eyes squeezed shut. He rutted shallowly against Jared a couple times and stilled.

“Fuck.”

“That’s it?” Jared groaned in disbelief. “You bastard.” He caught a glimpse of Jensen’s grin before Jensen pulled out and lifted Jared’s hips even higher. He shoved his face into Jared’s crack and sucked at his hole.

“Oh fuck!” Jared shouted as Jensen licked and slurped his come out. “Aw, fuck, you filthy …” The obscene sounds coming from his ass cranked the tension higher. Jensen’s tongue thrust inside him and lapped at his insides, and Jared’s balls drew up hard. He hung there on the edge for a moment before pleasure crashed over him. Hot cream splashed across his neck and face. His body convulsed, almost bucking out of Jensen’s grip.

Jensen lowered Jared’s hips to the bed, grasped Jared’s cock and stroked until it became too sensitive. “No, no, stop,” Jared pleaded. He lay there panting, limp but for the occasional shudder than ran through him.

“Were you going to say something about my filthy mouth?” Jensen asked from where he still knelt between Jared’s legs.

“I was gonna say that I love your filthy mouth,” Jared said.

Jensen grinned and crawled up over him. “Look at that. You gave yourself a facial, baby.” He leaned down and licked a stripe of jizz off Jared’s cheek and then kissed him. Jared sucked Jensen’s tongue into his mouth, licked their come from his mouth. His filthy mouth. He pulled Jensen down on top of him. Their bodies were hot and slick with sweat.

“So was that okay?” Jensen  asked.

“More than okay.”

“Awesome.”

“Yep.”

 

  



	7. No Matter What You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   I’d like to thank my betas on this chapter the awesome [](http://anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/profile)[**anniespinkhouse**](http://anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/) and [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[**meus_venator**](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/). You all are the best. Title from Badfinger's _No Matter What_. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/21010)

The line at the coffee shop was backed up to the door when Jared stepped in. He scanned over the heads of the others waiting in front of him and spotted an auburn-haired woman at a table near the front windows. She looked up with a grin and pointed at the second cup on the table.

“Excuse me,” Jared said to the two women in business suits and walking shoes in front of him. He squeezed between them and joined the redhead at the table. She threw an arm around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Look at you, beautiful,” he said.

“You too,” she said as she rubbed lipstick off his cheek with her thumb. “Wouldn’t want jealous Mike to see that.”

“Yeah,” Jared agreed with a rueful chuckle. He didn’t meet her eye as he pried the lid off his take-out cup and took a sip of his drink – venti caramel machiatto. Of course, she remembered. When he looked up, she was gazing expectantly, eyebrows raised. He and Danneel had been tight in law school, and she’d shared his apartment for a few months after a bad break up that left her homeless overnight. Sometimes he forgot just how well she knew him.

“So?”

“Sooooo, what?” he asked.

“You and Mike what.” She cradled her cup in her hands and took a sip.

“That’s not why I called you,” Jared said.

“Yeah, yeah, you said it was a professional thing. We’ll get to that,” she said.

“No, listen, Danni, this is important, okay?” He set his cup down. “No pressure, but I have a friend who could really use your help.”

“Okay.” She leaned forward. “Custody case, I assume.”

“Yeah, and it’s ... complicated.” Jared paused debating how to proceed. “I’m just going to lay it all out on the table, and if you want to walk away, that’s ... I’ll understand.”

She drew back. “Whoa, you’re making this sound ugly. Is it ugly?”

“It could get that way,” Jared admitted. “My friend, Chris, has a four-year-old boy who’s diabetic. The boy’s mother is a meth addict. She didn’t give the kid his insulin, and if a friend hadn’t found him, he’d be dead. She’s in jail – possession, neglect – and Chris has temporary custody.”

“They’re divorced?”

“Never married, but he’s been supporting them – paying rent, buying groceries and Devin’s meds. He did a paternity test which was positive.”

“Okay, problem?” She broke off a chunk of the blueberry muffin in front of her and popped it in her mouth.

“The maternal grandparents are seeking custody.” He took a sip of coffee.

“And?”

“Chris is a biker.”

“Viper Brotherhood. That’s how you know him.” Her gaze could have burned a hole through his suit jacket and dress shirt. She was one of the few people who knew about the tattoo. She’d seen it during an early morning bathroom moment when he was shaving and she’d stumbled in to pee.

“Yes,” he said.

She nodded but didn’t say anything. He had to fight to keep from squirming under the gaze that made her so effective in cross-examining witnesses.

“This have anything to do with you and Mike?”

“It’s complicated. Can we stick to the case?” he said with narrowed eyes.

“Okay, what are the grandparents like? What’s their beef?”

“They are solidly middle-class. They hate him. They think that he got her hooked on meth.”

“Did he?”

“No, he doesn’t do or deal meth.”

“You’re sure of that?”

“I have no reason to doubt him.”

“Are you involved with him?”

The question took him by surprise, and he stammered. “I, no, I’m not involved with Chris.”

“Who are you involved with?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Danni, please.”

“Okay, what kind of living situation has your friend provided for his son?”

“They’re living with family, not blood family, but the family that took him in when his parents died.”

“So grandparents sort of?”

“Yeah.”

“Jared, you said you were going to put it on the table.”

He sighed. “Yeah, okay. They’re living with the president of the MC and his old lady at a ranch near Goat Weed.”

“That’s the best he could do?” She leaned her elbows on the table and took a sip of coffee.

“Yeah, basically. Look, he loves his kid, and he deserves a chance to be a dad to him. JD and Sam, a bunch of club members and their families will help him out with childcare. I know it sounds crazy, Danni, but these people, they have families themselves. They’re like a big extended family.”

“Where do you fit in, Jared?”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

She reached across the table and put her tiny hand over his. “You’re my friend. I love you, and it isn’t just idle curiosity that makes me want to know how you’ve gotten involved with this club again. You never gave me details, but you led me to believe that it was firmly in the past.”

“Yeah,” Jared sighed. “I thought it was. The guy that I was involved with back then, I ran into him a few weeks ago, and it made me re-evaluate things.”

“Like Mike?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Mike and where I want to go with my career, everything.”

“And this guy was Chris?”

“No,” Jared said. “No, I told you, it wasn’t Chris. His name is Jensen. He and Chris, they’re like brothers. It’s Jensen’s dad and mom who took Chris in back when they were teenagers and now with Devin. Jensen lives out at the ranch too.”

“So you and Mike are done, and you’re with this Jensen again?”

“Yeah,” he said and glanced at her with a little apprehension.

She shook her head and looked around thoughtfully. “I’m not saying that I’ll take the case. I need to meet Chris and his boy, and Jensen, obviously,” she grinned.

Jared huffed out laugh. “I can arrange that, you sneaky little blackmailer.”

“I know how to get what I want, that’s all,” she said with a smug smile.

“So you think there’s a chance?”

“I think we’ll need to hire a PI. Even middle-class folks have secrets,” she said. “Your friends are going to pay me, right?”

“Absolutely,” he said as she took a drink of coffee. “Is cash okay?”

She made a choking noise and screwed up her face to keep from spurting coffee on the table. Jared patted her on the back. “Yeah, yeah, cash is fine,” she said, but she wasn’t looking at Jared. She was looking past him and up. Jared followed her gaze to those familiar green eyes that crinkled at the corners and made Jared’s heart race. His mouth dropped open.

“What are you doing here?” he blurted out.

“Jared, don’t be rude,” Danneel said. “Introduce us.”

“I, sorry, this is my friend Danni,” he said. “And this is my stalker.”

Jensen leaned over the table with is warmest smile and offered Danneel his hand. “Nice to meet you, and it’s Jensen.”

She shook his hand. “Yeah, I kind of figured. Have a seat while Jared pulls himself together, Jensen.”

Jensen pulled out the chair next to Jared and sat. He took a sip from a paper McDonald’s cup.

“McDonald’s? Really?” Jared asked.

“They have good coffee, and it’s cheap.”

Jared just shook his head.

Jensen looked around the coffee shop. “You think they’ll throw me out?” he asked with a smirk.

Danneel made a snorting noise. “Somehow I doubt it.”

“How did you know I was here?” Jared demanded.

“That security guard, Jody, said you were meeting a friend for coffee and this where you degreed types hang out.”

Jared knew Jensen was just needling him, and he wasn’t going to rise to the bait. He just nodded. “So you thought you’d surprise me.”

Jensen leaned back and took a sip of coffee. “Surprised?” he asked with a smirk.

“Asshole.”

“Aw, don’t be that way, Fox,” Jensen said.

“Fox?” Danneel asked, and it was like a switch tripped in Jensen’s head. His expression changed and he turned to her.

“So you must be the child custody attorney,” he said.

“I, yeah, I guess I am,” she said.

“So you think you can help Chris and Devin out?” Jensen was leaning toward her then; intent on the answer.

“I don’t know,” she said. “What kind of convictions does he have?”

Jensen shrugged. “Nothing serious as an adult – disturbing the peace, minor pot possession, speeding.”

“No felonies? No time in the pen?”

Jensen pursed his lips and shook his head. “Just county.”

“And as a juvenile?”

“Juvenile records are sealed.”

“We’re hiring an investigator,” Danneel said. “They may as well.”

Jensen pursed his lips and nodded. “We were sixteen, stupid and reckless and drunk,” Jensen’s voice was low and even. “We hotwired a Porsche and took it for a drive, wrapped it around a tree.” He took a sip of his coffee and looked at Danneel from below that thick fringe of lashes.

She didn’t fall for it. “Who was driving?”

“I was,” he said, but Jared saw the shift of gaze and saw it for a lie.

“Jen,” Jared said.

“That’s the story, Fox,” Jensen said. “He’d just lost his mom and dad. JD and Sam weren’t his legal guardians. He didn’t have any. Social services had let him fall through the cracks.”

“What?” Jared and Danneel both said.

Jensen looked back and forth between them. “We had a friend in DFPS. Paperwork had been ... misplaced.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it would have been worse for Chris if he’d been the driver. As it was, we both did a month in juvie and community service. JD was given guardianship.”

Danneel just stared at him a moment. “How much did that all cost?”

“Danneel!” Jared said.

Jensen gestured as though waving away Jared’s admonishment. “I don’t know,” he said. “But JD said I got a brother for Christmas instead of the bike I wanted.”

“Jesus,” Jared mumbled. JD had bought off a judge. “My God, that ... A Porsche, really? You all couldn’t have stolen an old Chevy? That had to have been a third-degree felony.” Jared was intentionally steering the conversation away from the bribery issue.

Jensen leveled his gaze on Jared. “Teenagers do impulsive things.”

“Don’t I know it,” Jared said.

“Hold up,” Danneel said. “First, there’s good chance this will come out, and it will raise eyebrows. Second, I will not be a party to legal malfeasance.”

Jensen gave her the same look he’d given Jared a moment earlier. “No one would ask you to.”

“I follow the letter of the law,” she said. She pinned Jensen with a steely look. “There can’t be any suggestion otherwise. If I take this case, it will be because I think it is in the best interest of this child.”

“It is,” Jensen said with a nod. “And we want someone representing Chris and Devin who is above any suggestion of corruption.”

Danneel looked slightly uneasy. “Okay then, I need to have a meeting with Chris.”

“I’ll set it up,” Jared said.

“Okay, good,” Danneel said. She frowned a little then, her perfectly arched brows pulling together. “Now, I’m not sure that I approve of this stalking behavior.”

Color rose in Jensen’s cheeks, and Jared fought the laugh rising in his throat. “I wasn’t stalking,” Jensen said.

“He’s possessive,” Jared said.

Jensen’s eyes widened. “I’m not possessive, I’m protective.”

It was Danneel’s turn to look surprised. “Because Jay isn’t big enough to take care of himself?”

“Yeah,” Jared said.

Jensen tipped his head and said, “He’s not mean enough.” There was that self-satisfied smirk again. Jared would have laughed, but he was all too aware that there was probably a pistol somewhere on Jensen and without a doubt a knife. Jared felt that weird tension low in his gut that was somewhere between apprehension and arousal. The image of the coiled snake on his shoulder and Jensen’s, on the back of Jensen’s cut – here it was in real life seated next to him at Starbucks, this pretty dangerous thing.

Danneel smiled. “Yeah, of course not.” She was oblivious, he realized. She couldn’t know. Jensen lounged back in his chair with an ankle crossed over the other knee and a lazy smile pulling at that those kissable lips. Danneel had never seen the lightning strike of violence from him. She had no way of knowing.

Jared felt like he was straddling the divide of two different worlds. A few days earlier, it had been a crevasse that had grown in to a ditch. If it kept widening, soon it would be a canyon, he’d have to choose a side. Jensen caught his eye. Holy fuck, Jared knew he already had. He’d chosen Jensen.

“We need to get going,” Jared said abruptly. He stood. “I’ll contact Chris and get back to you about setting up a meeting,” he said to Danneel.

She looked startled. “Yeah, sure.”

Jensen gave Jared a puzzled look before addressing to Danneel. “Nice meeting you. Thanks for considering this.”

“Yeah, and you’re welcome,” Danneel said.

Jared had already turned away. He tugged at Jensen’s arm as he headed for the door. “Come on.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Jensen had to rush to catch up with Jared’s long strides. He grabbed Jared’s arm and dragged him to a stop. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jared rounded on him. “Nothing. I need to get back to work.”

“Bullshit.” They were standing in front of a vacant storefront, and Jensen pushed Jared back into the recessed doorway. “Talk to me.”

“Jesus!” Jared ran both hands back through his hair. “Can we do this later?”

“No,” Jensen said. “We can do this now.” He didn’t like the uneasiness that had lodged under his ribs. He wanted to pry it out even if he had to dig at with a knife.

“I don’t have time to hash things out with you right now. Remember how you weren’t going to interfere with my career?”

“Is that what this is about? Me showing up here?”

“No! Yes, maybe, in part,” Jared huffed in exasperation. “Seriously, Jen, can we talk about this tonight?”

Jensen ran his hand up Jared’s arm and felt him relax a little. “Calm down.”

Jared tensed again, jaw clenched. “Don’t tell me to calm down.”

“Okay, okay,” Jensen said. He withdrew his hand. He had no idea what had made Jared so skittish, but he’d get to the bottom of it. “We’ll talk later.”

Jared’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay, come by the loft.” He started digging in his pocket. “I got you a key made. I should be home around five-thirty or six. Just let yourself in, if I’m not there yet.”

Jensen took the body warm piece of metal from Jared and forced a smile. “Yeah, sounds good,” he said. Jared was standing there in the shade of the doorway. His tie was askew and his hair a mess. Jensen took a step closer and pitched his voice low. “I’d like to kiss you, Fox.”

Jared’s eyes darted around the street behind Jensen. “Don’t even try it,” he said.

“What’s the matter?” Jensen teased. “Imagining the scandal of biker kissing an attorney in the street?” Jensen leaned toward him. It was almost imperceptible. Jared’s breath hitched, and Jensen could almost feel that hot, wet mouth, that powerful body as he rubbed against it.

“No, Cat.”

Jensen smiled and winked. “See ya later, Fox.”

Jared let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, later.”

Jensen turned away and headed up the street to where his bike sat with sun glinting off chrome.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

Jensen liked Jared’s new place. The thick brick walls muffled the noise from the street below, but the large windows let in plenty of light. Unlike his previous apartment, the loft had color. A cobalt blue leather sofa sat on a colorful area rug set at a diagonal that delineated the sitting area. The platform bed was covered in a comforter of cobalt and gray with red accents.

Jensen was surprised to see how much Jared had gotten put away. There was only a couple of boxes left setting against the wall to be unpacked. A print leaned against another wall that needed to be hung. If he’d had time, Jensen thought, he would have done that for Jared.

Salads were chopped and chilling in the refrigerator, and the potatoes were just about finished baking when he got a text from Jared saying he was on his way home. Jared asked if he could pick up dinner, and Jensen texted back that it was taken care of.

He slid the steaks under the broiler and opened the Merlot. It wasn’t expensive, but he’d had it before and liked it. He hoped Jared did. He suspected that Jared knew more about wine. He thought maybe he should have stuck to beer but decided not to second guess himself.

Jared didn’t have a dining table, so Jensen put out place settings on the massive black granite island – one on the end and one to the right of it. He put the knives and other dirty utensils in the dishwasher and wiped down the counters. He was itching to have a drink and decided a taste wouldn’t hurt. His hand trembled when he poured, and he scoffed at his own nervousness.

It wasn’t as though Jared cared about any of this shit. He didn’t expect Jensen to make dinner for him. He was probably expecting pizza and beer, but Jensen wanted to do something special for Jared. He wanted to soothe whatever was eating at him. He knew they needed to talk, but he wanted to go into it with positive feelings.

He’d just taken a sip of wine when he heard keys rattle in the lock and the door swung open. Jared didn’t move with his accustomed energy, and he gave Jensen a tired smile when he saw the place settings.

“Hey,” he said, “what’s this?”

“Dinner’s about ready,” Jensen said. “You want some wine?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Jared took off his jacket and folded it over the back of the couch. His tie got tossed on top of it. He joined Jensen at the counter and wrapped an arm around his waist as he poured the wine. Jared kissed him on the temple.

“You look beat. Rough day?” Jensen asked.

“Nah, just long,” he said. He turned the bottle of wine to look at the label. “I’ve had this. It’s good.”

“Yeah? I like it,” Jensen said. “Sit. I’ll get dinner. Medium rare, right?”

“I am still Texan,” Jared said with a chuckle.

Jensen got the salads out and plated the steaks and potatoes.

“Wow,” Jared said looking down at his plate. “This is ...”

“Unexpected?” Jensen asked as he joined him at the counter.

“Yeah, and awesome,” he said.

Jensen shrugged. “Even cavemen know to put red meat within close proximity of a heat source.”

“Yeah, but you chopped lettuce, so you must not be a total caveman.” Jared grinned.

“Thanks for that,” Jensen said with a smile. “So, long afternoon?”

“Ugh, yeah, meetings and tons of paperwork,” Jared answered. “What’d you do all afternoon?”

“Oh you know, went grocery shopping, made myself pretty for my big hardworking man.” He put a bite of steak in his mouth and smirked.

Jared snorted and almost choked on a bite of potato. Jensen patted him on the back. Jared put his hand over his mouth while he finished chewing. “Dude, pretty is effortless for you,” he finally said.

Jensen narrowed his eyes. “Are you hitting on me?”

Jared threw his head back and laughed. He was so gorgeous, open and genuine. Jensen wondered how he’d gotten through the past nine years without him, without that laugh, without the warmth that was settling in his chest. It definitely wasn’t the wine. He forgot his dinner. He couldn’t look away. Jared looked over with the smile still lingering in his eyes. Jensen realized there was nothing he wouldn’t do to hold onto him.

“What?” Jared asked.

Jensen shook his head. “Your steak okay?”

Jared cocked an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, it’s great, but I don’t think that’s what you were thinking about, were you?”

“No, I was thinking about you ...” His eyes dropped to his plate, and he took a bite of potato. When he looked up Jared was smiling softly at him.

“Okay,” Jared said.

They finished their meal in silence and cleaned up the kitchen together, stowing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and cleaning off the counters. Jensen turned off the lights over the island, and most of the loft was thrown into deep shadow. The only light left on was over the sink where Jared stood. He looked so big standing there, imposing, but when Jensen turned Jared toward him and looked up at him, he saw the seventeen-year-old he’d seduced. He saw uncertainty and a little fear. Jensen felt the chill of apprehension in his veins.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked.

Jared’s hands pushed up under his shirt. They were hot against his lower back. “I love you, Cat.”

“But?”

Jared shook his head. “No ‘but’ – I told you, I’m all in. It’s just that I realized that I’m drawing Danni into this too. I didn’t think that through, and I’m not comfortable with it.”

“We’re not going to ask her to do anything illegal, Fox. That’s not how we want this to go, right? We want someone on Chris’ side who is on the up and up.” Jensen’s fingers slid up in to Jared’s hair, pulled gently, massaged the taut muscles in his neck.

“I just don’t want anything to, you know, blow back on her,” Jared said. There was a plea in his eyes that made Jensen’s chest ache.

“I don’t either,” Jensen said. “She’s important to you, so she’s important to me. We’ll protect her.”

“If she gets paid with drug money or ...”

“The money will be clean,” Jensen said.

“Laundered?”

Jensen shrugged. “Clean. That’s all that’s important.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. I just ... Don’t do something desperate, okay?”

Jensen tipped his head and frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“I know how you feel about Chris. He’s like a brother, and you’d do just about anything for him. Buying judges is a dangerous thing.”

Jensen held Jared’s face in his hands and looked him in the eye. “I’m not going to do anything that gets me taken away from you.”

Jared closed his eyes. “Jesus, don’t say that, Jen. It’s how you fucking live.”

Jensen shook his head. “Life is risk, Fox. Any of us could get killed crossing the street.”

Jared pushed away from him and turned his back. “Jesus Christ! You ...” He turned back around. He looked like an approaching storm. “You are unbelievable! I get it. I understand your life and I accept it, so don’t treat me like a rube here. Don’t try to pretend that the way you live is like crossing the damn street when it’s like base jumping crossed with Russian roulette. I’m not stupid!”

“I know you’re not,” Jensen said. “And you’re right. It’s just that risk for me isn’t ...” He sucked in a breath and rolled his lips between his teeth.

“It isn’t what?”

Jensen huffed the breath out. “It is what it is, Fox. It’s my life.”

Jared seemed to sag. All the tension draining out and leaving him limp. “Yeah, I know it is. Just don’t try to pretend it isn’t to placate me.”

“You’re right.” Jensen pulled him back into his arms. “It’s dishonest, and if we’re going to make this work, I have to be honest.”

“Yes, thank you,” Jared said and kissed him.

Jensen’s arms tightened around him and the kiss deepened. Jensen really wanted to just lose himself in Jared. A hand went to Jared’s cheek, tipped his head, so Jensen could explore all that soft, wet heat more deeply. He could feel Jared hard against his hip. Jared cupped Jensen’s ass and pulled them closer together. Jensen turned his wrist and he side-eyed his watch.

Jared pulled back. “Did you just check your watch?”

Jensen nodded. “I have to go.”

“You what?”

“I have to work.” Jensen leaned back against the kitchen counter with the light at his back.

“Work? At 8:30 at night? What kind of work?”

Jensen looked away.

“You also said you wouldn’t keep secrets from me,” Jared said. Anger was creeping back into his voice.

“And you said you would trust my judgment about what you needed to know.”

They stood staring at one another a moment before Jared spoke. “Tell me.”

Jensen sighed. “There’s truck leaving the pharmaceutical plant outside Greenville in an hour. We’re going to intercept it before it gets to the interstate.”

Jared just stared at him a moment. “You’re hijacking a truck full of what? Narcotics?” Jensen didn’t answer, and Jared nodded. “What about the driver?”

“He’s being well paid for his cooperation.”

“Yeah, of course.” Jared leaned against the island and gripped the edges of the countertop. He stared at the toes of his wingtips. The only sound was the whir of the refrigerator motor.

“I have to go,” Jensen said after a moment. Jared nodded, and Jensen headed for the door.

“Jen, wait.” He caught up with him at the door and kissed him. “Be careful.”

Jensen looked him in the eye. “I will.” He opened the door.

“Will you come back here tonight?” Jared asked.

“It’ll be late.”

“I don’t care. Come back.”

Jensen pulled Jared down for a kiss. His skin felt fevered under Jensen’s fingertips. There was worry in his eyes. “Okay, I will.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Jensen and Chris sat in the darkened van in a field entrance a couple hundred feet from the railroad tracks. Jensen hit the button on his phone to see the time – less than 10 minutes. His eyes fought to pick out shapes in the darkness along the road. Chris lit a cigarette.

“Put that out,” Jensen said.

“Dude, there’s no one around for miles,” Chris huffed.

“Put it out.”

Chris hissed through his teeth and stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray. “Happy?”

“Hardly,” Jensen said. “I’d like to be in bed.”

“Yeah, well, at least you got someone keeping it warm for you.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “Listen, we met with that lawyer friend of Jared’s today.”

“Yeah, what’s he like?”

“Smart, curvy, formidable, redhead.”

Jensen could almost feel Chris’ gaze boring through the darkness.

“No shit? I don’t know whether to be impressed or turned on.”

Jensen chuckled. “Jared’s going to get in touch with you and set up a meeting.”

“What’d she think?” Chris asked.

“We’ve got a few things working against us.”

“Me, Jenny, things working against me.”

“We’re all in this together, brother. Don’t forget that.”

A single light appeared on the horizon ahead of them. “Looks like the 8:05,” Chris said.

Jensen peered down the road. “Yeah, and here’s our friendly neighborhood pharmacist,” he said when headlights shown to the right.

“Awesome,” Chris said and started the van. He left the headlights off. “Let’s hope the guys are right behind him.”

The truck driver had delayed enough to get caught at the railroad track, which is where his GPS would show he had stopped. They had to move as much product out of the truck as they could while it was stopped for the train. Luckily, it was a long, slow-moving train.

The semi came to a stop just as the train engine passed the crossing. It was then that Chris pulled out behind the tractor-trailer and turned on the headlights. He and Jensen pulled black ski masks down over their faces and got out. They were joined by Ty, Snit, Raz, and Blue in another van. Blue and Ty scrambled onto the roof of the trailer with a heavy-duty Sawzall, and moments later, the harsh whir and screech of metal cut through the night.

“What the hell are you all doing?” the trucker demanded. He stopped short when he saw the black masked figures.

“You ever use a can opener?” Jensen said.

“What?!”

“When you get to the end of the line, they’re gonna know this truck was sacked,” Jensen explained. “There’s a seal on the door; you’d know if it had been broken, but there’s no way for you to know if the roof was torn open while you were at a truck stop, right?”

The trucker’s mouth hung open in the glare of the van’s headlights.

“Plausible deniability,” Jensen said. He handed the trucker a thick manila envelope.

“That noise’ll raise hell!”

“Shut up and get in the truck,” Jensen said.

“Damn it ...”

“You heard him,” Chris said. “Get back in the truck. When the train clears the tracks, drive. That’s what you’re getting paid for.”

The trucker’s jaw snapped shut, and he stalked back to the cab.

“We’re in,” Blue said.

Moments later, boxes were dropped from above into waiting arms, and then stowed into the vans.

“We can’t get it all in the vans,” Snit said.

“Don’t have time to get it all anyway,” Chris said. “Just move.”

They continued to pass off and load boxes until the caboose cleared the tracks. Blue and Ty swung over the side of the trailer and dropped to the ground as the air brakes on the truck whooshed and it jerked into gear.

“Let’s go,” Jensen said. “Meet back at the warehouse. JD and the others will meet you there.”

“What about you?” Blue asked.

“I’ve got somewhere I have to be,” Jensen said. “Chris’ll drop me at my bike.”

“I’ll ride with Chris then,” Ty said.

“Yeah, fine,” Jensen said.

Chris got in the driver’s seat, Jensen in the passenger seat. He pulled the ski mask off and dropped it on the floor. Ty squeezed into the back behind Jensen.

“Can I have a cigarette now?” Chris asked as he turned the van back toward Dallas.

“Knock yourself out,” Jensen said.

Chris drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “So, where can I drop you off and what’s so damned important?”

“My bike’s at the Century.”

“And?”

“And none of your fucking business.”

Ty groaned from the backseat. “Can’t you two let it go?”

“Stay out of it,” Jensen said.

“But I hate it when mom and dad fight,” Ty said.

“Shut up!” Jensen and Chris both said.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Jensen demanded.

“We’re supposed to be working here, Jenny. Not running off to play house,” Chris said.

“You all can’t handle the rest of this haul?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course, we can, but we shouldn’t have to,” Chris said. “You need to stop thinking with your dick.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jensen swore.

“You know, Chris, Jensen and Fox are going out of their way for you and Dev,” Ty said. “Why are you acting like such a little bitch about them being together?”

Chris sucked on the cigarette and the cherry bloomed bright in the dark of the van. He didn’t answer. Jensen’s jaw clenched.

“You need to let that shit go,” Jensen growled.

“I can’t just let it go,” Chris said. “He almost killed you.”

Jensen looked over at his friend’s face. Even in the dim dash light, he could see the tension. “No, man, I almost killed me. You know that.”

Chris stubbed out the cigarette butt with unnecessary vigor.

“He’s right, man,” Ty said. “I was there too. Let it the fuck go.”

“Fuck you guys,” Chris mumbled.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

The blinds were open, and a rectangle of ambient light from the city fell across the bed. Jared lay on his side, one knee drawn up, the sheet wrapped around his lower leg. The pale light washed the gold from his skin, and he looked like a sculpture – cold, lifeless. Jensen shrugged out of his cut and let it drop to the floor. He pulled off his boots before stripping out of his jeans and shirt.

He hated to risk waking Jared, but he had the irrational urge to warm him. Jensen knew Jared wasn’t cold. The boy was like a radiator. He tried to ease himself onto the bed, but the moment his weight made the mattress dip, Jared stirred and rolled over.

“Cat?” He reached out and pulled Jensen against him. “What time is it?”

“It’s late, Fox. Go back to sleep,” he said. He brushed Jared’s hair back from his face and kissed him.

“No, I want you.” He hooked an arm around Jensen’s ribs and nearly squeezed the breath from him. Jared arched his hips off the bed, and his erection poked at the inside of Jensen’s thigh. “God, you make me so hard, Cat.”

Jensen chuckled and gave Jared a full body rub, butting his head up under Jared’s chin and nipping at his shoulder. The hum that caught in his throat came out as a deep, rumbling growl. Jared’s hips bucked. “Jesus,” he murmured. “Roll over, Cat.”

When Jensen didn’t move fast enough, Jared did, rolling Jensen on to his back and straddling his hips. He splayed one hand over Jensen’s chest, pinning him down, while he dug in the nightstand drawer. Jared looked like a pen and ink sketch in the light from the window, which highlighted a high cheek bone, shoulder and arm, hip and leg.

Jensen ran his hands up Jared’s muscular thighs as Jared slicked lube over Jensen’s hardening cock. The hand that stroked him was huge and hot, gentle and demanding. Jensen’s hips wanted to roll but he was held immobile by Jared’s weight. Jared knelt up and grasped Jensen’s dick. Jensen bit his lip as the head of his cock slid along the crease of Jared’s ass and pressed against the furled flesh there. Jared wiggled his ass, and the light caught the edge of his grin.

Jensen’s muscles strained to thrust up, and his fingers dug into Jared’s flesh. “Please,” he said.

There was momentary resistance before the tight heat opened around him and engulfed him. “Jesus, fuck,” Jensen cursed.

“Yeah,” Jared said as he raised and lowered himself again. “Yeah.” As he continued working himself on Jensen’s cock, Jensen took Jared’s dick in his hand, already slick with precome, and stroked the shaft, twisting up over the head each time. Jared let his head fall back and the moonlight traced a pale path up his long throat.

Jared’s movements allowed Jensen to thrust up to meet him eliciting a moan from Jared each time. Jared’s thigh muscles quivered under Jensen’s hand, and his cock drooled precome onto Jensen’s belly. Jensen’s balls were heavy and tight, pulling up.

“Come on, come on, Fox,” Jensen said. The cock in his hand twitched and hardened further before shooting hot slick across his chest. Jared’s anal muscles clenched around Jensen’s dick, and the tension in Jensen’s groin snapped, heat burst there, spread through him. He arched off the bed, eyes screwed shut. He grabbed Jared’s hips and pulled them firmly together, but he instinctively continued to rut into him, shooting deep.

Jensen went limp and Jared folded himself on top of Jensen, kissed along his jaw line before laying his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “Glad you came back tonight,” Jared murmured.

Jensen ran his fingers through Jared’s hair. “Me too.”

 

  



	8. Maybe You Don't Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   Thanks to the lovely[](http://anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/profile)[ **anniespinkhouse**](http://anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/)for beta’ing this bit. Title and lyrics from Matthew Sweet’s _Sick of Myself_. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/21297)

Jared took the interstate exit toward Goat Weed, and the two lane blacktop rolled out like a ribbon toward the horizon. He set the cruise control and relaxed back into the seat.

He was taking Danneel to the ranch to meet Chris and Devin. Between Danneel singing along with songs on the radio, they’d talked about common friends and colleagues on their way out of the city and how heavy the court dockets had been recently, but they’d fallen silent a few miles back.

“ _You don’t know how you move me,_ ” Danneel sang slightly off key. “ _Deconstruct me and consume me_ … Come on, Jay, you know this one. ... _I am star struck by something in your eyes that is keeping my hope alive ..._ ” She abruptly turned the radio down. “So tell me about him,” she said.

Jared side-eyed her. “What? Who?”

She screwed up her mouth. “Santa Claus, who do you think? Jensen, dummy.”

He glanced over at her again. She was wearing jeans and a navy and white striped top. She had almost no make-up on and her hair was up in a ponytail. She looked like she had in college. He smiled.

“What?” she said. “Something in my teeth?” She ran her tongue over her front teeth. Jared laughed. They’d made up a list while drunk once – You’re A True Friend If – and one of the rules was that a true friend will tell you if you have something stuck to your teeth.

“No,” Jared said. “What did you think of Jensen?”

“I asked first,” she said.

“I’ll tell you, but I’d like to hear your impression.”

“Hm, okay, pretty but rough. Not my type.”

“Yeah, how is Ned?” he said. Ned was the Harvard grad, corporate attorney she’d been dating.

“History,” she said. “Surprised?”

“Not really,” Jared said.

“Thanks,” she pouted.

“You know, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jared said. He patted her knee. “It’s just …” He shrugged.

“I used to think it was them, Jay,” she said. “But I guess it’s me. It must be me, you know?”

“No, it isn’t you,” he said. “You always date guys who see first how attractive you are, and then that you’re successful and poised. They think that not only will you be good in the sack but you won’t embarrass them at dinner with their boss.”

“Ouch,” she said.

“No, the ouch is that then when they get to know you, they realize that you’re smarter and tougher than them. They can’t control you, and you’ll never just be some trophy wife.”

“So it is me,” she said. “I pick assholes.”

“You think?” He flashed her a grin. “What about me?”

“Do I think Jensen’s an asshole? He’s smart, ah, clever, no, no, calculating,” she said and raised a brow. “Would I be wrong to say that he uses that biker façade to make people think he isn’t as smart as he is?”

Jared rubbed his chin. “If people underestimate him because they think he’s white trash, that’s not his fault.”

Danneel smiled. “He doesn’t need you to defend him, but it’s kind of cute.”

Jared huffed out a laugh through his nose.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “You are one of the most honest people I’ve ever met and he’s …”

“A criminal?  Yeah, I know.”

“So …”

Jared shook his head and watched fence posts speed by for a moment. “I don’t know. I was so young when I met him, and we immediately had this connection. For the longest time, I tried to tell myself it was lust, but that’s not it, you know. When I saw him again, it was still there. He makes me feel alive, and it’s not that I’m attracted to bad boys. I’m not. It’s just Jensen.”

“Yeah,” she said. “The way he looked at you at Starbucks. I could tell he feels the same way, and what he said about being protective – like you’re his boy.”

Jared felt heat rise in his cheeks. “Yeah. We keep saying that we’ll work this out somehow, but honestly, I don’t know how.” Jared ran his fingers back through his hair. “I know I’m getting in deeper all the time.”

“Yeah,” she said. “You’re doing all this for him – helping out Chris and all – but what’s he doing for you?”

“Is that what love is? What’s in it for me?” He shot her a glance. “Jensen isn’t with me because I’m trying to help Chris out.”

“Okay, okay, I didn’t mean it like that … but you’re compromising yourself, Jared. Don’t tell me you aren’t. Is he doing anything to fit into your world? Meeting you halfway or even a quarter of the way?”

Jared bit his lip. “He made dinner for me the other night. That might not sound like much, but it is. To me, it is. He went out and bought food and cooked. It was …” He sighed.

“Normal?”

“Yeah, it was thoughtful, you know? I’d had a long day, and it was nice to have someone do something special for me – for him to do it.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t seem much like Suzie Homemaker.” She grinned.

“No, and that’s not the kind of home he grew up in even,” Jared said. He didn’t mention the argument after dinner or that Jensen had gone off to hijack a shipment of pharmaceuticals afterward. That was the rub after all. “I don’t know how we’re going to work this all out, Danni, but we are. We have to.”

“Oh honey, I hope so.” She patted his arm.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Jensen and Chris sat on the front porch steps drinking beer and scanning the horizon for Jared’s car. Devin played with his Avengers action figures a few feet away. Thor was currently kicking Loki’s ass.

“He ain’t got a brother, but he knows how they fight,” Chris said.

“Yeah.” Jensen glanced at his friend who tossed his cigarette butt down on the step and mashed it with the toe of his boot.

“Listen, I ... I’ve been kind of an asshole lately,” Chris said. He looked over at Jensen with a squint.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah.”

Chris huffed out a laugh. “Speaking of assholes.” He took a drink of beer and picked at a split in the sole of his boot. “It’s just you and Dev, and you’re ...”

“I know,” Jensen said. He bumped his knee against his Chris’ and waited for his friend to look up. “But I’m right here.”

“Yeah, I know you are,” Chris said. “And I know Jared’s trying to help, I just ... I’ve spent nine years holding a grudge, and I’m having a hell of a time letting it go.”

“I get it. I do,” Jensen said. “But he was just a kid, man. What I did, taking him away from his family and putting him in this life, maybe there was no way that wouldn’t have ended bad. But he’s not a kid anymore, Chris. He knows what I am.”

Chris nodded. “I know.”

“Aaaaaah!” Devin yelled. Chris and Jensen’s heads turned to see that Devin had fallen to his side as Loki attacked Thor. His entire body thrashed back and forth as though he was personally involved in the epic battle. Jensen and Chris grinned at the four-year-old’s antics.

“He seems to be doing okay here,” Jensen said.

“Yeah,” Chris said. “I think he is. He loves Sam. She may have been tough on us, but she’s a like a grandma with him.”

“She’s mellowed,” Jensen said.

“We wore her down,” Chris laughed.

Jensen took a drink of beer and grinned back. “Maybe that’s it.”

“There they are,” Chris said and nodded toward the road. Jared’s silver Prius kicked up a plume of dirt as it came up the long the driveway. They stood as Jared parked the car nearby. Jensen felt a thrill of anticipation as the driver’s side door swung open and Jared unfolded himself from the car. Dimples creased his cheeks when he saw Jensen, and Jensen couldn’t help smiling in return.

He rose and watched as Danneel rounded the car. Jared put an arm around her shoulders as they approached the house. Chris let out a low whistle beside him.

“He’s mine. Get your own,” Jensen mumbled.

Chris chuckled. “That’s okay. I’ll take the redhead.”

“Danni, this is Chris,” Jared said when they climbed the porch steps.

“Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Danneel said. She put out her hand and Chris took it.

“Same here,” Chris said. “I appreciate you coming all this way, ma’am.” Chris winced as Danneel shook his hand. “Damn, girl, that’s quite a grip.”

“Sorry,” Danneel said with a sugary smile. “Being called ‘ma’am’ makes me tense.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Chris said.

“On second thought, ‘ma’am’ is just fine,” she replied.

Devin, who was still lost in his game, chose that moment to let out a blood-curdling scream, and every adult flinched and turned toward him. Chris bent and scooped him into his arms.

“Hey, buddy, someone I want you to meet,” Chris said. “This here is Ms. Danneel.”

Devin curled in toward his father’s chest and peeked out at Danneel.

“Aw, come on,” Chris said. “I’m pretty sure she don’t bite.”

“She might,” Jared said with a grin. Danneel slapped his arm.

“I don’t bite little boys,” she said to Devin. “Only big men in self defense.”

“Or foreplay,” Jared said. Jensen smirked.

Danneel’s eyes went wide. “Stop it,” she said. “There’s a child here.”

The storm door creaked open, and Sam stepped onto the porch. “You need some help keeping these boys in line?”

“Noooo,” Jensen said. “You can keep your shoe on.”

Sam backhanded his shoulder, but smiled at Danneel. “Sam Ferris,” she said. “You must be the lawyer.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Danneel said.

“You hear that?” Sam said looking the men over. “That’s what’s called manners.”

“Yes, ma’am,” all three said.

“Cheeky little shits,” Sam said. She turned her attention to Devin who still had his face buried against Chris’ shirt. “Why don’t I take the little man here, and you two can go in and talk.” She reached out for Devin. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go see the baby goats.”

Devin’s head came up, and there was a bright smile on his face. He reached out for Sam, who put him on her hip. He hung on like a baby monkey.

“There’s coffee on, if you’d like some, or grab a beer,” Sam said. “And you two give them some privacy.” She eyed Jensen and Jared and then started down the porch steps.

Jensen opened his mouth to protest and then thought better of it. “Go on in,” he said to Chris and Danneel. “I don’t think there’s anyone else around. There’s something I want to show Jared.”

“I bet,” Chris said.

“Shut up, asshole,” Jensen said. Chris grinned and led Danneel into the house. Jared stood with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans watching Sam carry Devin around the corner of the house toward the goat pen.

“You think this is going to work?” Jared asked.

“I don’t know,” Jensen sighed. “But we’re doing what we can. Come here. I do have something to show you.” Jensen went down the steps and headed for the garage. His bike set in the first bay alongside the empty space where JD’s bike was usually parked.

“Where’s JD?” Jared asked.

“He rode up to Ft. Worth with Boney and Raz,” Jensen said. He continued down to the fourth bay and stopped in front of a chopped 1975 Superglide. It was simple with lots of chrome and ape-hanger handlebars. The tank was painted a blue so dark it looked nearly black in the shade of the garage. “What do you think?”

“Nice,” Jared said. “You just get it?”

“Yeah, a couple weeks ago,” Jensen said. “Try it.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s yours,” Jensen said. His smile was hesitant.

“Mine?”

“Yeah, I mean, yours to ride.” Jensen said. “I thought … you should have a bike, right? And this.” He picked up a pile of leather from a counter at the back of the garage and tossed it to Jared.

“A cut?” It was a leather vest with Viper Brotherhood across the back, the star and snake logo, and ‘prospect’ beneath it.

“I know you can’t wear it all the time, but you should when you’re here,” Jensen said.

Jared nodded and pulled the leather on. “It fits,” he said.

Jensen smiled. Jared was really with him, one of the family. “Looks good.” It looked better than good stretched across those broad shoulders, muscular arms exposed but for a tight navy t-shirt. Levi’s rode low on his slim hips.

Jared straddled the bike and balanced it between his long legs. “How much did this set you back?”

“Don’t worry about it. How’s it feel?”

Jared rocked the bike back and forth a bit. “Good. I haven’t ridden in years, Cat.”

“Like riding a bicycle,” Jensen said. He threw his leg over the tank and sat facing Jared. “Like ridin’ you.” He leaned in and kissed Jared who opened for him all hot and wet and willing. Jensen’s fingers tangled in Jared’s hair. He tipped his head, slotting their mouths together and delving deeper. Jared’s hands slid under Jensen’s cut, along his ribs. Jared moaned into Jensen’s mouth before breaking the kiss. His breathing was fast and heavy. They sat with foreheads together.

“Stay here,” Jensen whispered.

“What?” Jared looked up from under his hair.

“Stay tonight.” Jensen sat back. “Danneel can drive your car back. Stay with me. We can ride out to Bibi’s and have dinner. Remember how much you loved their ribs? We’ll spend the night together.”

“That’s tempting,” Jared said. “How would I get home tomorrow?”

“I’ll borrow Sam’s truck and drive you back,” Jensen said. “You know you want to, Fox.”

“Yeah. I want to spend every night with you, Cat.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

“So, how’d it go?” Jared asked. He and Jensen had met Danneel on the porch. Jensen had gone inside and left Jared and Danneel outside.

“Fine,” she said, but she didn’t meet his eye.

“Danni,” he said and stopped her from going down the steps with a hand on her arm.

“Really, went fine,” she said, but there was a glint in her eye.

“Danneel,” he said, and there was a ‘don’t bullshit me’ tone in his voice.

“What?” she said. “I’m taking the case.”

“Why?”

Her brows drew together. “Why? What does that mean?”

“Because you think you can win or because he’s kind of hot?”

“You did not just suggest that I took a case because some guy with blue eyes raised my temperature,” she said indignantly.

“Did he? Raise your temperature?”

She shrugged and turned away, ponytail swinging down her back. “Not the point. I don’t get involved with clients,” she said as she headed toward the car. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Yeah, about that …”

She faced him, perfect brows arched high. “What?”

Jared dangled the car keys in front of her. “Would you mind driving back alone too much?”

“Some green-eyed guy raise your temperature?”

Jared nodded. “I think I’m coming down with a fever.”

“Oh honey,” Danneel laughed and snatched the keys form his hand. “You’re too far gone for treatment.”

Jared followed her to the car and opened the door for her. “Thanks, Danni.”

“You’re welcome, Jay.” She stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. Her gaze was drawn to something behind him, and he looked over his shoulder to where Jensen stood on the porch. “Be careful,” she said.

“He’s not going to break my heart,” Jared said.

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” she said and slipped into the driver’s seat.

“Thanks. I’ll drop by tomorrow afternoon for my keys.” He shut the car door and watched as she pulled away before walking back to the porch.

“Everything okay?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah,” Jared said. “She’s taking the case.”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded. “I think Chris has a crush.”

“She has a policy not to get involved with clients.”

“Not really her type anyway, is he?”

“Some folks might think you’re not my type.”

Jensen scoffed. “You think?”

Jared leaned back against the porch rail and smiled. Jensen stepped between his spread legs and kissed him. Jared felt the rush of anticipation like wildfire across his skin. He grasped Jensen’s hips and pulled him closer. Jensen licked into his mouth as his fingertips massaged the back of Jared’s neck.

“Thought we were going to dinner?” Jared said when they broke the kiss.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Jensen said. “Gotta keep your strength up for later.”

“I like the sound of that,” Jared said.

Jensen had been right. After a few miles on the chopper, Jared felt comfortable. It all came back like second nature. It was a beautiful evening for riding – warm and clear. They ate outside at an old wooden picnic table with ranch-hands and truck drivers. The barbeque was as good as Jared remembered. Jensen looked like he was going to jump across the table as Jared sucked sauce from his fingers. They had a couple beers with their meal before heading back. The sun was just setting as they rode up the long lane to the ranch.

“You have a good time?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, you know it,” Jared said as they walked toward the Pit. Jensen had moved into a one of the bedrooms at the back of clubhouse to give Chris and Devin room in the house. There were bikes lined up outside, and Jared could hear music and laughter coming from the Pit already. He hesitated.

“What?” Jensen stopped and asked.

“I want to spend time with you; not all of them.” Jared nodded toward the clubhouse.

“All right, just follow my lead,” Jensen said.

“Okay,” Jared said.

The volume level doubled when Jensen opened the door, and the moment they were inside, Ty threw an arm around Jared’s shoulders. He had the impression of guys clustered around the pool table and more playing poker at a table in the corner.

“Fox! Dude, didn’t know you were here, man!” Ty steered Jared toward the bar. Jared caught Jensen’s eye, and Jensen gave him a slight nod. “Get Fox a drink, Scarletta!”

There was a nearly naked girl behind the bar who Jared figured couldn’t have been out of high school. “What’ll you have?” she asked. Her eyelids seemed to droop from the weight of false lashes and glitter. Jared could see from her reflection in the mirrors behind the bar that she wore nothing but a thong below the waist.

“Tequila!” Ty yelled. “We’ll have tequila! Jen will too.”

She set three shot glasses up on the bar and poured. Ty pushed Jared onto the stool next to him, and Jensen sat on Jared’s other side.

“To Fox!” Ty toasted. They clicked glasses and downed their shots. Jared grimaced against the taste and felt the burn all the way to his stomach. He was glad he’d had a good meal earlier if this was how things were going. He was just thinking that this was exactly what he’d told Jensen he didn’t want to do when Jensen grabbed him and kissed him. Jared was off balance. Jensen’s arm around his shoulders was the only thing keeping him from tipping off the stool backward. He heard Ty laugh.

“Oh, okay, I see how it is,” Ty said. Jared could hear others hooting and whistling.

The kiss continued until Jared was breathless and his cock hard against the seam of his jeans. Jensen pulled back slightly with a wicked glint in his eye. He licked his lips.

“Fine, take your boy in back, Jen,” Ty said with a chuckle. “No one wants to see that show.”

Jensen grabbed the bottle of tequila off the bar, took Jared’s arm and drew him toward the back hallway. Jared turned seeking Jensen’s mouth, stumbled, knocked Jensen against the wall. They laughed and rolled along the wall. They smothered each other’s laughter with kisses. They fell through the doorway to Jensen’s room, and Jensen kicked the door shut behind them as he propelled Jared toward the bed. Jared had the quick impression of dark wood paneling, an American flag tacked to the wall, an AC/DC poster over the bed as he was spun around. He landed on his back with a laugh. Jensen smiled down at him from where he sat straddling Jared’s hips. His eyes crinkled at the corners.

“Got you where I want you, Fox,” Jensen said. He took a swig from the bottle of tequila.

“Only one problem,” Jared said.

“What’s that?”

“We have clothes on.” He rolled his hips, pressing his hard on against Jensen’s ass.

Jensen’s eyes darkened and his lips parted on a gasp. “Yeah, I can see how that would be a problem.” 

Jared pushed himself up on his elbows and let Jensen push his cut off his shoulders before tugging at the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it off over his head. Jensen’s eyes flicked from Jared’s chest to his eyes and back.

“What’s this?” he asked as his fingertips skimmed across the tattoo over Jared’s heart.

“It’s us, Cat. You and me.”

Jared had been looking for the perfect tattoo almost since that first weekend with Jensen. He’d finally found it online and gotten it inked the day before. A stylized cat and fox formed a circle with the curves of their backs, one following the other in an endless chase, and the loops of their tails inward made the inner circles of a yin-yang symbol.

“That’s awesome,” Jensen said. If Jared didn’t know better, he’d think that it was tears shining in Jensen’s eyes. “And ironic.”

“How so?” Jared asked.

Jensen set the tequila bottle on the floor, shook his cut off and pulled his Henley over his head. He held the inside of his right forearm out so Jared could see it. Near the wrist was a tattoo of a fox face with familiar tip-tilted eyes, and beside it ran two lines of script: _You are responsible forever, for what you have tamed_.

Jared felt his heart skip a beat. He met Jensen’s gaze. “I don’t think I’ve tamed you.”

“No?” Jensen had almost quizzical look on his face. Jared wasn’t sure how to interpret it. Jensen’s gaze slid sideways. “Maybe, you just don’t know.” He leaned down and gave Jared a quick kiss and the look was gone, replaced by a lusty smirk. He climbed off the bed. “Now take your clothes off.” Jensen toed his boots off as Jared rose, but instead of stripping, Jared undid Jensen’s belt and fly.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Jared said. He pushed his hand into the open fly of Jensen’s jeans and heard Jensen’s gasp. His cock was hot and hard against Jared’s palm. He slid his hand lower and cupped Jensen’s balls, which were tight and heavy. Jensen’s forehead fell against Jared’s shoulder as Jared rolled and massaged them. “Lose the jeans. Come on.” He slid his hand out and pushed Jensen’s pants off his hips.

Jensen turned his head and sucked the sensitive skin over Jared’s pulse. His fingers were working Jared’s jeans open and pushing them down. Jared’s cock arched up, slapped against his belly as it pulled free of his briefs. Jensen leaned into Jared, rubbing his chest and face against him.

“Wait, wait,” Jared protested when his jeans fell around his knees. “I gotta take my boots off.” He sat on the edge of the bed. Jensen grabbed first one boot and then the other and dragged them off, tossed them with a thump against the door. Jared turned and crawled onto the bed on all fours.

“Lube’s in the drawer there,” Jensen said.

Jared opened the nightstand, grabbed the bottle of Astroglide and tossed it behind him. “Come on, Jen,” he said. “Don’t play around, just fuck me.”

“Fox.”

“I want to feel this, Jen.” He went down on his elbows and spread his knees wider apart.

“Fuck me,” Jensen groaned.

“Later, me first,” Jared said.

“Yeah,” Jensen said. He grasped Jared’s hip with one hand and guided is cock along the crease of Jared’s ass. He felt the moment the head was lined up and pushed his ass back.

“Holy fuck,” Jensen groaned as he breached Jared’s opening.

Jared bit his lip. It hurt. The pain was sharp and bright. “Don’t stop,” he said.

Jensen kept pushing and the pain faded, replaced by satisfying fullness. “God, yeah,” Jared moaned. “Please.”

Jensen’s fingers bit into Jared’s flesh hard enough to bruise as he began thrusting hard and fast, rubbing over Jared’s prostate with each pass. Putting his weight on one arm, Jared grabbed his drooling cock and began stripping it in time with Jensen’s movements.

“Oh God, yeah, more more, oh, fuck, fuck, Jen, oh god oh.” Jared’s words trailed off to moans. He could hear himself but seemed to have no control of it as he became his own porno soundtrack. He was there, _rightfuckinghthere_ on the edge. His balls drew up tight, and he came with cry, back arching, his climax shook through him. Hot slick fell across his hand and the blanket beneath him. Jensen’s movements stuttered as Jared’s muscles clenched around him. Jared’s channel became sloppy with come.

Jensen stilled. His hands loosened on Jared’s hips and skimmed over his back and up to his shoulders. He pressed a kiss between Jared’s shoulder blades. His fingers slipped upward into Jared’s hair, tangled, gently tugged. He kissed the nape of Jared’s neck.

“That was awesome,” Jared said.

“Yeah, roll over, baby,” Jensen said as he moved back. His softening cock slipped from Jared’s channel leaving the unwelcome feeling of emptiness and chill. Jensen wiped the wetness from Jared’s crack with the edge of the blanket and dragged it off the bed. Jared flopped down on his back, and Jensen spread himself over him.

“I want to stay right here, forever,” Jensen murmured.

“I’m not opposed to that plan,” Jared said with a sigh.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Light was creeping in around the curtain when Jared awoke. Jensen had rolled to his side with his arm stretched across Jared’s chest and head on the same pillow. Even up close, he was beautiful. For once, Jared could stare at the thick fringe of lashes, golden dust of freckles, soft, full lips.

That face had haunted him for years – older now but no less gorgeous. It had never completely faded from his memory. He’d close his eyes at night and be blindsided by the memory of Jensen lying just like this beside him. Or it would appear to him as took himself in hand in the shower. It wasn’t just Jensen’s pretty face, of course, that haunted him. It was that husky voice in his ear and the way Jensen made full-body contact as they embraced as though he couldn’t get enough of Jared.

No one else had ever made him feel that way – certainly not Mike. There were times with his former boyfriend that kissing or touching seemed almost perfunctory before fucking. It never felt that way with Jensen even when it was fast and urgent like the night before. Jensen never came and then just walked away as Mike sometimes had.

Jared leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Jensen’s lips. There wasn’t so much as twitch in response. Jared smiled. Jensen could sleep like the dead. He probably wouldn’t be up for hours. Jared slipped from beneath Jensen’s arm and pulled his jeans on. His bladder felt close to bursting.

He went into the bathroom and took a piss, splashed water on his face, and brushed his teeth. Going back into the bedroom, he thought he smelled coffee. When he opened the door to the hallway, the scent became stronger. He went out and shut the door quietly behind him. He made his way down the hall to the main room where JD sat at a table with the newspaper in his hands and reading glasses low on his nose. He peered over them at Jared.

“Get yourself some coffee, kid,” JD said. “Not that you look like you need it.”

“Good morning to you too,” Jared said. He went in the kitchen and got a mug of coffee before joining JD at the table. “Jensen’s still sleeping.”

“That goes without saying,” JD commented without looking up from his crossword puzzle.

“JD,” Jared said and then bit his lip.

“Hm?”

“Tell me what happened.”

JD looked up and pinned Jared with his gaze, but he didn’t speak.

“... when I left.”

“Why?”

“I need to know,” Jared said.

“I think you already know,” JD said. He slapped the newspaper down on the table. “He tried to drink himself to death. How was it for you?” There was an angry edge to JD’s voice. Jared wasn’t really expecting anything different, but the words still made his breath hitch.

“I hated myself,” Jared said. “I wanted to take it back, but I couldn’t. They questioned me for days. Watched me ... I would have given anything ...” His eyes burned, and he took a sip of coffee to try to swallow it all back down. He regretted bring the subject up. “I wanted to die.”

JD drank coffee and waited him out.

“You know the irony is,” Jared leaned forward with his elbows on the table, “that my mother holds just as nasty a grudge against Jensen as you all do against me.

JD pursed his lips and shook his head. “I don’t. Chris does, but I don’t, Fox. You were just a kid. Jensen wasn’t.”

“And there was never anyone else?”

“For him? No. A few drunken hook-ups that first year that he probably doesn’t even remember. After that ...” JD shrugged. “There were a couple ... I don’t even know what you’d call them. Friends with benefits? Is that what kids say these days?”

“Like Pup?”

JD nodded. “Yeah, Pup, and there was a guy named Trace. Chris was different.”

“Chris?! Jensen and Chris?” Jared could tell that JD had thrown that out there to see how he’d react. “But Chris is straight, isn’t he?”

“How many drunk men you know that’ll turn down a blowjob?” JD had no expression as he took a sip of coffee.

Jared felt slightly sick. “It was right after I left.” JD nodded, and Jared’s fists clenched. He wanted to smash one into Chris’ face. “That son of a bitch. How long?”

“I couldn’t say, but it wasn’t all Chris.”

“Don’t defend him. He has the nerve to hold this grudge against me, after he fucked with Jensen’s head when he knew how screwed up he already was.” Jared’s throat was so tight with anger he could barely force the words out.

“There’s plenty of blame to go around,” JD said. He got up and went into the kitchen.

Jared took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He didn’t want to think about it – Chris and Jensen. He knew that drugs and alcohol were involved, and that it had to be one sided. How dare Chris be pissed off at him? Jared leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. He wished he didn’t know. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to talk to Jensen about, and it could only make it harder to deal with Chris.

JD came back with the coffee pot. He refilled their mugs and sat down. “You took a piece of him when you left,” JD said.

“That’s not how it felt,” Jared said. If he was trying to hide his anger, it wasn’t working.

JD took a drink of coffee and pointed at Jared’s chest. “That’s a nice tatt,” he said. “Any significance to the placement?”

“It’s too early in the morning to be cryptic,” Jared said.

JD huffed out a laugh. “Before he met you, he was wild – seemed like he fell in love every couple of months.”

Jared didn’t say anything, but that certainly raised his eyebrows. It didn’t sound like the Jensen he knew.

“I’m not kidding,” JD said. “Hell, from the time he was 14, he was constantly in love with one boy or another, even a couple girls. He broke dozens of hearts. He fell out of love just easily as he fell in love – until he met you.”

“You are responsible forever, for what you have tamed,” Jared said.

JD nodded. “That’s right. You are.”

Jared rubbed his hands over his face. “I feel like an idiot.”

JD smiled. “We’re all idiots.” He took a drink of coffee. “I was an idiot for getting involved with Jensen’s mother. I knew the kinds of drugs she was into, but she was wild and beautiful and free. I didn’t realize how bad it would get. I thought I could save her. I couldn’t. Becoming a mother didn’t change her. I was a fool.”

“But you got Jensen.”

“Yeah, so I don’t regret being an idiot.”

“Me neither,” Jared said. He started when a hand came down on his shoulder.

“What are you two idiots talking about?” Jensen asked as pulled out a chair and sat down beside Jared.

“Life,” JD said. He pushed his coffee mug across the table to Jensen and stood. “I need to get going.”

“Is it something I said?” Jensen asked.

“Sunday morning,” JD deadpanned. “Time for church.”

Jensen almost snorted coffee out his nose. “Watch out for lightning,” he yelled at JD as he headed for the door. JD just raised his hand in acknowledgement. Jensen leaned back in his chair and took a sip of coffee.

Jared felt uncomfortable under the steady green gaze. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough to know we’re all idiots,” Jensen said. He stared into the mug he held in his hands. “You know, I don’t remember her – my mom, I mean.” He looked like a kid with hair still tousled from sleep wearing a worn Dark Knight t-shirt. Jared’s chest felt tight as Jensen bit his lip and looked up a moment before looking back down. “I was Devin’s age or a little younger, I guess, when she left. Sam’s always been around. She never asked to be my mom. She kept me in line, bandaged my knees, made sure I ate.”

“That’s what moms do,” Jared said.

“Yeah, and I put her through hell,” Jensen said. “Like it was her fault my mom left. It wasn’t. I don’t think JD even knew her then. Devin’s mom, Crystal, made me realize the truth about my own mom. It isn’t that Crystal doesn’t love Devin; she just hates herself more. She’d probably step in front of a moving train for Devin unless someone was offering her meth, and then she wouldn’t even know he existed.” Jensen stopped talking abruptly and sucked in a breath. “She’s just too big of a coward to put a gun to her head.”

“She needs help,” Jared said.

“No, that’s just it,” Jensen said. He leaned forward. “She’s been through detox twice already.”

“She needs more than to get off drugs,” Jared said. “She needs to deal with whatever is underneath. Whatever it is that makes her hate herself.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, maybe so. I just hope Chris finds a mom for Devin because it isn’t going to be Crystal, and Devin needs to know that it isn’t his fault.”

“You thought you were the reason your mom left?”

Jensen looked up – a sliver of green beneath the fringe of lashes. “Your mom’s supposed to love you no matter what, right?”

“Jen.”

“I know it wasn’t me,” he said. “But when you’re a kid, you’re the center of the universe. Everything is about you. You never questioned your mom loving you, did you?”

Tears stung Jared’s eyes. “No.”

“No kid should,” Jensen said.

Jared reached over and grasped Jensen’s wrist and pulled Jensen to his feet as he stood. Jensen leaned into Jared’s embrace and laid his head on Jared’s shoulder. Jared held him tight and rubbed his back.

“I love you, Jen.”

Jensen lifted his head from Jared’s shoulder and Jared kissed the corner of his mouth. They stood unmoving a moment, pressed cheek to cheek. At the sound of the front door opening, Jensen took a step back and swiped at his eyes. Jared’s face was wet with Jensen’s tears. Jensen gave him a weak smile.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, okay,” Jared said. “I’ll make another pot of coffee.” Jensen nodded and slipped into the hallway. Jared didn’t bother to see who came in. He picked up the mugs and coffee pot and went into the kitchen.

Lost in thought, Jared dumped the old grounds from the basket and replaced them with fresh. He rinsed the pot and refilled the reservoir on the coffee maker before turning it on. His stomach growled and his head hurt from lack of food or the things he’d learned that morning. He wasn’t sure which. He was staring at the coffee running into the pot when Ty came into the kitchen.

“Coffee! Awesome,” Ty said. He got a mug out of the cabinet and stood beside Jared. “Is this the line?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, man,” Jared said. He stepped aside.

“You okay?” Ty asked as the last of the coffee ran into the pot. He lifted it and poured himself a mug.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Jared leaned back against the counter. “You ever learn something that you wish you didn’t know?”

Ty laughed. “What? Like your old lady is screwing your best friend? Sure.” Ty’s smile faded. “What are we talking about here?”

“Nah, nothing. Never mind,” Jared said. He refilled his mug and Jensen’s.

“No, no, no. You brought it up,” Ty said. “What’s eating at you? Fox?”

“Jensen. And Chris.” Jared looked the biker in the eye – challenging him to deny it.

“Fuck, man, who told you that?”

“JD. It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Why don’t you ask Jensen?”

“No,” Jared said. “That’s not ... forget it. Forget I mentioned it. None of my business anyway.”

Ty nodded. “Yeah, it’s in the past, Fox. Let it go.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

 

  



	9. Another One of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  Thanks to [](http://proserpine-1982.livejournal.com/profile)[**proserpine_1982**](http://proserpine-1982.livejournal.com/) who beta’d this one. Title from Steppenwolf’s _Snowblind Friend_. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/21563)

Jensen pulled his bike in beside Chris’ under a shade tree and turned off the engine. He took off the bandana tied around his head and wiped the back of his neck. They were parked in front of a stucco building with neat landscaped bushes and an arched doorway. Mesquite Recovery Center of Preston was written in discreet brown letters above the door. He took off his aviator sunglasses and squinted at Chris who was staring at the neat façade as though preparing for battle.

“You sure about this?” Jensen asked. “I mean, she’s trying to get her shit together.”

“This is for Devin,” Chris said. He stood and swung his leg off the bike. “She can get her shit together later.”

“And you think she can help?”

Chris nodded. “I’m sure of it, man. There’s something there. Come on.”

“Okay,” Jensen said. He wasn’t so sure that this wouldn’t blow up in their faces, but he wasn’t letting Chris go in alone. If worse came to worse, they’d go to jail together. He followed Chris up the walk and into the building. It took his eyes a moment to adjust from the bright sunlight to the dimmer interior. It was cool, and Air Supply’s _Even the Nights Are Better_ played faintly over the PA.

“Holy shit, how are people supposed to listen to that without being wasted?” Jensen mumbled.

Chris made a snorting sound, and the guard at the metal detector glanced up from his magazine. They approached the receptionist who sat behind bullet-proof glass. Her eyes flicked back and forth between the two of them, and her lips pulled into a tight little pucker that she tried to force to pull up at the corners. _If an anus could smile, that’s what it’d look like,_ Jensen thought.

“May I help you?” Her voice came through a speaker above the window. She had big, highlighted hair that fell in curls over her forehead. Her heavily made-up eyes snapped shut and open in a reptilian way. A gold cross hung in the deep V of her blouse over crêpey skin.

“Yeah, we’re here to see Crystal Hawkins,” Chris said.

The receptionist typed into her computer terminal and then picked up the phone. They couldn’t hear what she was saying, but she made a sour face and hung up.

“She’s in the courtyard,” the disembodied voice said from overhead while the receptionist’s lips moved with a distasteful curl. “Go through the metal detector. The guard will give you a visitor pass and directions. You have one hour.”

Chris turned away without speaking, but Jensen let his gaze linger on her a moment. “Thank you,” he said with a wink. Her fingertips went to the cross, and she turned away.

“Bitch,” Jensen said when he caught up with Chris.

“What? Someone immune to your charms?” Chris mumbled as he emptied his pockets at the security stand.

“Uptight judgmental middle-class ...”

“Blah blah blah, you should be used to it,” Chris said and stepped into the metal detector, which buzzed.

“Watch,” the security guard said. Chris stepped back and put his watch in the plastic tray. He stepped back through without incident.

Jensen emptied his pockets – keys, wallet, change, pocket knife – and went through the detector without a sound.

“I’ll hold your pocket knife until you come out,” the guard said.

Jensen nodded. “Thanks.” He put his keys, wallet and change back in his pockets.

“He’ll show you the way,” the guard said and nodded at an attendant who stood just beyond the inner doors.

The guy was Chris’ height but slight. He had dark brown hair and a pleasant face. “Hi, I’m Brad. Follow me. Crystal’s out in the courtyard.”

“Yeah, that’s what the Silurian at the desk said,” Jensen remarked.

Brad’s eyes widened and then a smile spread across his face. “Yeah, if Silurians could disguise themselves like Slitheens do.” Without waiting for a reply, he turned and started off down the hallway. “Come on.”

“What?” Chris said. “What the fuck?”

“You are a cultural infidel,” Jensen said.

Their boot steps fell heavy on the tile floor as they walked shoulder to shoulder. The one other attendant and patient that they met stepped to the side to let them pass. Jensen put his shades back on when they passed into the bright sunlight of the courtyard. At first it appeared empty, but then Brad pointed to the far corner where Crystal sat on a bench. She seemed to droop when she saw them approach. Her bleached hair looked brittle with dark roots, and she wore no make-up.

“I have to hang around to ensure that you all don’t slip her any contraband, but I’ll try not to listen in,” he said.

“We got nothin’ to hide, son,” Chris said. Brad sat down on a lawn chair a few feet away while Jensen and Chris approached Crystal who looked as though she might make a dash for safety.

Chris spoke first. “Hey, Cryssie, you look good.”

She did, Jensen thought. The dark circles were gone from beneath her eyes, and she’d gained a little weight. Her cheeks were no longer hollow.

“Thanks,” she said shakily. “Jensen, hey.”

“Hey, how you feelin’?” he asked.

“Like hell, but that’s better than like shit,” she said. “I, I wasn’t expecting you all to drop by.” There was something wary in her eyes – not sure if they were friend or foe.

Chris sat down beside her, and Jensen sat on a bench which set at a right angle to the one they were on, his knee almost touching hers. Chris offered her a cigarette, which she held with shaky fingers as he lit it for her.

Chris said. “It’s about Dev.”

“Dev?” her voice rose and her eyes widened. “Is something wrong? Is he sick?”

“No. No, darlin’, he’s not sick,” Chris said. He shot a look at Jensen, but he patted Crystal’s knee. “He’s doing great. He’s with Sam right now, probably playing with baby goats or his trucks.”

“So,” she looked around. “So what is it?”

“Cryssie, your mom and dad are trying to get custody of him, you know that?” Chris asked.

Her fingers her left hand knotted in the hem of her shirt, and she watched them busily twist the fabric. “Yeah, Mama told me. Said it was for the best since I can’t … I can’t.”

“Cryssie, he’s my son. The blood tests proved that, and he should be with me,” Chris said. Jensen could sense the tension in his friend, but Chris kept his voice calm. “I’ve moved in with JD and Sam. I have lots of help with him. He loves Sam. She’s real good with him.”

Crystal shook her head. “Mama and Daddy will never go for that, Chris. You know they won’t.”

“Cryssie, baby, your dad hurt you,” Chris said gently.

Jensen knew Chris well enough to know that his friend was fishing, and they watched Crystal’s expression, the way she blinked and looked away, her lips twitched, shoulder’s hunched.

“It’s different,” she said. Her voice was so low that Jensen leaned forward. “Devin’s a boy.”

Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and he looked at Chris whose eyes fell shut a moment.

“You’re sure?” Chris asked. “When you left home, you sure your dad never snuck into Cal’s room at night?” Cal was her little brother who had flunked out of college and joined the Army. She hadn’t seen him in four years.

Crystal raised her head, lip trembling, and tears filled her eyes. “No!” It was so quiet but emphatic. “No ... I, oh god, what if, what if he did. If I wasn’t there ...”

“It’s not your fault, Cryssie,” Chris said. “If he did, you aren’t responsible, but you and me, we’re responsible for Devin now. If there’s a chance, we have to prevent it, don’t we?”

She nodded her head repeatedly, like a broken wind up toy. Tears spilled down her cheeks. “We can’t let that happen,” she said.

“That’s right,” Chris said. His voice broke, and he dropped his head.

“Crystal,” Jensen said. He waited for her look at him. “Your parents are going to try to convince you to support their petition for custody. You need to be strong for Dev. You can do that, right?”

She pulled in a shaky breath. “I don’t know, Jen.”

“Maybe, hey, Brad,” he called to the attendant. “Can you come here a minute?”

“Sure.” Brad rose from the lawn chair and approached the little group. He hadn’t been paying them much attention, and he looked concerned when he saw that Crystal was crying. “What’s up?”

“If there were someone that Crystal didn’t want visiting her, could she put them on a list or something?” Jensen asked. Chris looked up with a small smile.

“Yeah, sure,” Brad said. He squatted down in front of Crystal and reached out to her. She put her hand in his. “Is there someone that you don’t want to see?”

She nodded. “Yeah, my mom and dad.”

“Yeah?” Brad looked at Chris and then Jensen. “These guys aren’t pressuring you to say that?”

“No,” Crystal said. “No, I, I’ll talk to Dr. Collins about it if you want.”

“Okay, that’s cool,” Brad said. “You don’t have to see anyone you don’t want to see. I just want to be sure it’s your decision; that’s all.”

“It is, yeah. It’s for my little boy.”

Jensen saw Chris surreptitiously wipe at his eyes. He patted Crystal’s knee again. “Thanks, baby. My attorney is probably going to want to talk to you. Is it okay if she comes by?”

“She?” Crystal asked.

“My attorney, yeah.”

“A friend of mine,” Jensen said for simplicity sake.

“Yeah, okay, I can talk to her,” Crystal said. “Will I have to go to court?”

“We’ll see,” Chris said. “Without you supporting them or just knowing the truth will come out, your parents might back off.”

“Okay,” she said.

“My friend, the attorney, her name’s Danneel Harris,” Jensen said. “She’s a little thing, redhead.”

Crystal nodded again. “Can I, do you think I could see Dev when I get out?” She looked up tentatively at Chris.

Jensen saw the briefest hesitation in his friend. “Yeah, as long as you keep yourself clean and on track, you can see him. I know you love him, baby. You’re his mom.” Chris brushed the hair back from Crystal’s cheek. “You just have to keep it together for him, okay? Get healthy.”

“I want that,” she said. “I really do.”

“I know you do,” Chris said.

“Time’s about up,” Brad said. He’d stepped a few feet away but returned then.

“Yeah, okay,” Chris said.

“You take care, Crystal,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, you too,” she said.

Jensen nodded to Brad. “Can we give ‘em a minute?” Brad nodded and they began to walk slowly toward the door.

“You think she can do it?” Brad asked. “Stay clean?”

Jensen shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “She’s cleaned up twice before. What are the odds this time will be different?”

“Not good.”

“No, they aren’t.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24800)

Jensen and Chris rode under the red and blue awning of the TA truck stop, spotted JD’s bike parked to the side of the building and pulled in beside it. Jensen hoped JD hadn’t been waiting long. JD hated waiting for anyone. They entered the air-conditioned interior through the store that was crammed full of food, gifts, festooned with American and Confederate flags of all dimensions.

“I’m going to see if I can get a hold of Sam and check on Dev,” Chris said. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen said. He turned to the right toward the restaurant area. He spotted JD at a booth near the windows and slid onto the blue vinyl seat across the table from him.

“Where the hell you been?” JD asked. “Where’s Chris?”

“He’s just checking on Dev. We went to see Crystal.”

“Why?”

“Chris had a hunch, which happened to pay off.” Jensen shot the server a smile as he walked up. “Sweet tea.” He couldn’t help watching the kid walk away. Takes a firm ass to make polyester look that good, he thought. JD clearing his throat got Jensen’s attention “Chris just may have the leverage he needs to head off this whole custody battle,” Jensen said.

“How so?” JD asked.

“Abuse,” Jensen said. “You know, my whole life people like Crystal’s parents have looked at me like I was trash while pretending to be God-fearing, flag-waving pillars of the community. I’d like to ...” Jensen’s jaw clenched.

“Yeah, well, right now we have other problems,” JD said.

They paused as the server set down Jensen’s tea and refilled JD’s coffee cup. “Can I get you anything else?” the server asked. He smiled at Jensen.

“No, thank you,” Jensen read the kid’s name tag, “Mikah.”

The smile widened. “Okay, I’ll check back later.”

“Excuse me, but do you think your big brain could take over?” JD demanded.

“Sorry, what’s up?”

“The pharmaceutical job, refresh my memory, who was on that?”

Jensen had an uneasy feeling, but JD had his entire attention. “Me, Chris, Ty, Blue, Snit, and Raz. What’s this about?”

JD nodded. “You had two vans, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Who was in them?”

“Me, Chris and Ty in one, Blue, Raz, and Snit in the other. What the hell is this about, JD?”

JD hunched over his coffee. “Small time dealer got busted. Cops found two bottles of Oxy at his place that were from the same lot as that job. Now you tell me? Who unpacked the vans?”

“Fuck.” Jensen felt sick. “I don’t know.”

“How could you not know?” JD straightened. “Where were you?”

“JD ...”

“Shut up. I know where you were. You were with Fox, weren’t you?”

“It was important, and Blue was there and Chris ...”

“You’re the VP. It was your job, your responsibility. I don’t give a shit about your domestic issues.” JD spit the words out. He pointed a finger at Jensen who dropped his head. “That boy wants to be a member, he needs to act like a member instead of distracting you. Next job, he better be on. Understand?”

Jensen clenched his jaw and nodded.

“Now you better get to the bottom of what happened. You find out who took our merchandise and if it can be traced back to us. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Good.” JD pushed his cup back and threw a couple dollars on the table. “Now, you think hard about this and get your head screwed on straight.”

“Yes, sir,” Jensen mumbled. He didn’t look up until the sound of JD’s boot heels had faded. He felt like a fool. He’d been so sure that he wasn’t needed that night, and now the club was vulnerable because he hadn’t been at the warehouse to secure the shipment. JD was right. He’d let Jared distract him from his work, and now he had to pull Jared in further to make things right.

Chris slid into the seat that JD had vacated and pushed the coffee cup to the edge of the table.

“What’s up with JD, man? He about bit my head off when I said ‘hi’,” Chris asked.

“The night of the pharmaceutical job, had the others started unpacking their van when you and Ty got there?”

Chris frowned. “Yeah, they were almost done. Why?”

“Some dealer got busted with Oxy from that lot,” Jensen said.

“Shit, that’s ... no way.” Chris shook his head. “JD thinks one of our guys took it?”

“What do you think?”

Mikah stopped at the table and picked up JD’s coffee cup. “Can I get you anything?” he asked Chris.

“Yeah, uh, sweet tea, deluxe burger and fries,” Chris said.

“Okay, anything else for you?” he asked Jensen with a smile.

“Burger and fries is fine,” Jensen said without looking up.

“Oookay,” Mikah said and walked away.

“I think you broke his heart,” Chris said.

“He’s young. He’ll get over it,” Jensen said. “So, if it wasn’t one of ours, who was it and how?”

Chris shook his head. “I don’t know, man.”

“The simplest answer is the most likely,” Jensen said. “I’m not comfortable with the idea either, but I don’t know what else to think. Nothing had been tampered with when we went back the next morning to transport the shipment.”

“But, Jen, a whole box must have gone missing,” Chris said. “We would have noticed if it any had been opened. Jesus fucking Christ, why? None of us are that stupid or disloyal or desperate.”

“Why? Money.” Jensen said. The simplest answer was usually the right answer.

“None of us are that hard up. We’d know,” Chris said.

Jensen nodded. It was true. They all pretty much knew one another’s business, didn’t the? “Maybe it’s not about money.”

“What else would it be about?”

“You said, disloyal, but loyal to whom?” Jensen asked.

“Loyal to the club.” Chris looked confused.

“Okay, look, we’re talking Blue, Snit or Raz,” Jensen said.

“Well, you know it wasn’t Blue. There’s no one more loyal to the club or JD.”

“Right,” Jensen nodded. “So Raz or Snit. Who had opportunity or motive?”

“Equal opportunity as far as we know, but motive? I can’t see it, Jen,” Chris said.

Mikah approached and set their plates down. He took a plastic squeeze-bottle of ketchup from the pocket of his apron and set it down. “Can I get you anything else? Refill on your tea?”

“No, thanks,” Chris said.

“Okay, just let me know,” he said before walking away.

“Snit’s got a family. Maybe he needs money,” Jensen said. “But I can’t see him working on his own in something like that.”

“No, me neither,” Chris said. He squirted some ketchup into a puddle beside his fries. “But I can’t see Raz acting on his own either. I mean he hardly takes a shit without okaying it with Boney first.”

‘Yeah,” Jensen said. “And who is Boney loyal to?”

Chris stopped with his burger halfway to his mouth. He laid it on his plate. “The club. Are you suggesting that Boney is disloyal because ... Jen, what are you thinking?”

“That he hates me.” Jensen felt anger filling his chest. “That he thinks I’m a fag and has resented me being VP from day one. That it was my job that night. I was responsible, and I wasn’t there when I should have been.”

“That’s guilt and paranoia,” Chris said. “Boney wasn’t there and there’s no way he would have known that you wouldn’t be there the whole time.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jensen said. He picked up the ketchup and put some on his plate. “You’re probably right, but that takes us right back where we started.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So we need to find out if that dealer’s out on bail, and if he is, we need to have a talk with him, find out who he got the Oxy from.”

Chris nodded. “Yep.”

Jensen took a bite of his burger. “Damn these are good,” he mumbled around a mouthful. “I didn’t remember them having bacon on ‘em.”

“They don’t. Mine doesn’t.”

Jensen felt heat rise in his cheeks, and then he laughed. “I guess, I’m special.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Jesus fucking Christ, you better be nice to the kid when he comes back.”

“Yeah, I’ll leave him 20 percent.”

“I don’t think that’s what he was hoping for,” Chris laughed.

Jensen shrugged. “Best I can do.”

“Wow, Fox does have you on a leash, huh?” Chris said.

“Shut up, asshole,” Jensen muttered.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

The van slipped through the dark streets. Like thousands of other white utility vans, it was practically invisible. Chris drove with Ty riding shotgun. Jared sat behind Chris with Jensen on his right. He rubbed his damp palms on the knees of his jeans. He knew that Jensen was pointedly ignoring the movement and he stopped. It was too late to back out now. Jensen had given him an out when they’d talked about it earlier.

“You don’t have to do this,” Jensen had said.

“No, I do,” he’d said. “I asked you to come back here that night. I know you didn’t have to, but ... I’m the reason what happened happened. I just have to be there, right? You’re just going to scare the guy into talking?”

“He’s just a small-time dealer,” Jensen said. “We just need him to tell us where he got the drugs.”

“We’re not going to hurt him,” Jared said.

“We’re not going to need to hurt him,” Jensen said. “I know the kid. One look from Chris, and he’ll fold.” Jensen had leaned against him all firm and warm, fingers sliding into Jared’s hair, tugging gently, and he’d pressed a hot, wet kiss to Jared’s throat. “I’m sorry, Fox. I never meant for you to get involved this way,” he murmured.

He’d let his head drop against the wall, giving Jensen better access to his neck. “I know, Jen. I know.”

And now here they were parking in the dark alley behind the dealer’s house.  Chris killed the engine.

“Ty, do a quick recon,” Jensen said. “Meet us at the back door in five.”

“You got it,” Ty said and got out. He disappeared into the dark.

Jensen handed Jared a pair of black latex gloves. “What are these for?” Jared asked.

“He’s drug dealer, out on bail,” Jensen said as he pulled a pair of gloves on. “You want your prints all over his house?”

“I ... no,” he answered and began putting the gloves on. “I guess, I don’t much know how to ... um.”

“Think like a criminal?” Chris asked. There was a smile in his voice. “Stick with us, kid. You’ll learn.”

“Shut up, Chris,” Jensen said. “Let’s go.” Jared followed Jensen out the side door of the van, which Jensen pushed quietly closed behind them. With a hand on his shoulder, Jensen directed Jared to follow Chris through a gate from the alley to the backyard of a small bungalow. It seemed to glow in the light of a nearly full moon, which illuminated a cement sidewalk to the back porch. Ty’s figure came around the corner of the house as they approached the steps.

“He’s in the kitchen alone,” Ty whispered. “Door’s pretty flimsy.”

Jensen nodded and led the way up the steps. Without hesitation, he raised his leg and kicked the door near the lock with the flat of his foot. It popped open. If Jared hadn’t been so tall, he’d have seen nothing of the room as the other three men crowded through the doorway. As it was, he saw a skinny guy dressed in an oversized hoodie jump up from the kitchen table. His chair overturned as he scrabbled toward the doorway behind him. Chris caught him easily by the collar and shoved him into another chair.

“Sit down, pissant,” he said.

Jensen set the overturned chair upright, swung it around and sat with his arms on the back. Jared had pushed the door shut behind him. The room seemed small and hot. The dealer was sweating. His mouth opened and closed like a dying fish. Jared couldn’t help imagining how the guy felt with Chris looming behind him, Ty leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, Jared himself between the dealer and the door, and Jensen giving him that cold, dead stare. None of them said a word. Even Jared wanted someone to break the silent tension.

“I ... what you guys want?” the dealer finally asked.

Jensen’s lips almost twitched into a smile. “I think you know why we’re here, buddy.”

“I, no, I’ve been in jail, Jensen,” he said. “You must have heard. I haven’t been around.”

Chris leaned forward and put his hands on the guy’s shoulders. “Don’t bullshit, Rowdy.”

The dealer rolled his head around in an attempt to look at Chris.

“Rowdy!” Jensen said. “Look at me. We know all about your arrest, man.” Jensen sounded almost sympathetic. “We need to know where you got that Oxy.”

Rowdy started shaking his head. “I don’t, I don’t, can’t ...”

“Don’t shake me off,” Jensen growled. “You can, and you will tell me where you got it.”

“Jensen, please, man, seriously, you don’t understand ...”

Jensen pushed himself to his feet and moved the chair from between them. Rowdy’s eyes went wide. He tensed as though about to jump up, but Chris’ hands held him in the chair. Jensen took a step forward and squatted down beside the dealer. He put his hand over Rowdy’s where it rested on his thigh.

“Where’d you get the Oxy?” he asked so quietly Jared almost didn’t hear.

Rowdy looked like he was about to cry. “I can’t,” he whispered.

Jensen’s hand moved suddenly, and Jared heard the snap of bone from across the room. Rowdy cried out and clutched his hand to his chest. Tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Nine more,” Chris said.

Jensen grasped Rowdy’s wrist. “How many’s it going to take?” he asked.

“No, no, please,” he begged. “I, I’ll tell you, Jensen.”

Jensen nodded. “Okay, I don’t want to hurt you, man. Just tell me where you got it.”

Rowdy almost sobbed. “He’s gonna kill me.”

“We’ll see about that,” Jensen said. “You know what I’m sayin’?” The words sent a chill through Jared, but Rowdy relaxed slightly.

“It was one of you all,” he said.

Jensen glanced up at Chris who shook his head in disbelief.

“Which one of us?” Jensen asked.

“The Italian,” Rowdy said.

A muscle twitched in Jensen’s jaw. “How much did he sell you?”

“A gross,” Rowdy said.

Jensen glanced up at Chris again. “Call him,” he said to Rowdy.

“What?!”

“You’re going to call him and tell him you want more,” Jensen said.

“I’m on bail!”

“Yeah, I know,” Jensen said. “Call him and tell him the cops are putting a lot of pressure on you. Tell him you don’t know what to do. You gotta see him.”

“But, Jensen ...”

Jensen grasped the dealer’s wrist again. “Rowdy, man, do what I tell you.”

The dealer nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Chris pulled the van into the parking lot next to Tallarico’s Bar where Rowdy had set to meet. Jensen felt almost sick with rage.

“Hey, listen to me,” he said to the man crouched on the floor between him and Jared. “You go over there and you lean against the building and wait. If you run, I will catch you and I will kill you. Do you understand?”

Rowdy nodded with a mechanical jerk of his head.

“All right. That’s all you have to do,” Jensen said. “Once we’ve got him, you can take off. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Let him out,” Jensen said. Jared was next to the door this time. He slid it open for the dealer and shut again. Rowdy did as he was told, leaning in plain sight against the brick wall. Ty and Chris were already out of the van and hidden amongst the parked cars. The van was just another white delivery vehicle parked for the night.

They hadn’t waited five minutes when there was the roar of a Harley nearby. It’s headlight flashed across the parking lot and the engine stilled. A moment later, Raz came into sight. He didn’t even make it to where Rowdy stood before Chris and Ty grabbed him. There was a short-lived struggle that ended with Chris’ fist connecting with Raz’s nose.

“Open the door,” Jensen said to Jared as he pulled the 9mm from the side-holster under his cut. Without hesitation, Jared hauled Raz through the van door and shoved him onto the floor. “Ty, bring his bike.” Ty pushed the door shut as Jensen pressed the muzzle of the gun to Raz’s head.

“Don’t move, motherfucker,” Jensen said.

“Jen,” Jared hissed.

Jensen just shot Jared a look.

“Where we going?” Chris asked as he started the van. The roar of the Harley started as well.

“Cabin Creek,” Jensen said. He wanted Raz somewhere isolated, somewhere he had no chance to call or run for help. He was sure now that Boney was behind the drug deal. He just had to get Raz to talk. That wouldn’t be easy. Raz was loyal to Boney, and if he had a brain in his head, he was scared of him too.

It was a silent drive filled with tension and the snuffling of air through Raz’s broken, bloodied nose. The headlight of Harley shone in the back window. When Chris stopped the van at the entrance to the single lane bridge, Jared pushed the door open and got out. Jensen grabbed Raz and shoved him from the vehicle. He went to his knees on the gravel shoulder. Jared took his arm and pulled him to his feet. Ty took his other arm and led him onto the rusty box-girder bridge. The bones of its structure were outlined against the night sky. Scrubby fields were pale in the moonlight. The flat expanse was broken only by the twisting creek lined with a few trees.

When they got to the center of the bridge, Ty and Jared let go of Raz’s arms. His mouth was black with spilled blood from his nose. He reached up and swiped at it with the back of his hand.

“So, Raz,” Jensen said. “Talk to me, man.”

“Got nothin’ to say.”

“That is so not the right answer,” Jensen said.

Ty turned quickly and landed a punch to Raz’s midsection that doubled the man over. Jared took a nervous step back, but Jensen didn’t say anything. He let Raz gasp for a few moments and then nodded at Ty who pulled the man upright.

“Let’s try that again,” Jensen said. “Why’d you take the Oxy?”

“Needed the money,” Raz said.

“Bullshit,” Jensen said. “We know your debts. Was Boney in on this?”

“No!” Raz’s voice was higher, punctuated by fear. Jensen had heard it enough to know. “No, I just ... I had some gambling debts.”

“Where? With who?” Chris asked.

Raz hesitated. “Perico. I lost big at poker a few weeks ago. I had to come up with the cash by the weekend. I wasn’t thinking, you know? We were unloading and, and I just I just took it. I know it was stupid.” He looked directly at Jensen for the first time. “I, please, I made a mistake.”

“This is your chance to correct that mistake,” Jensen said. “But you have to quit lying to me.”

“I’m not, Jensen. I swear, I’m not.” Ty had let go of Raz’s arm, and the man looked as though he was ready to get on his knees and beg.

The gun felt warm and familiar in Jensen’s hand, but he didn’t want to resort to that kind of threat again. Not yet. “How about this? How about we put you on ice for awhile? Maybe take you up to Ty’s cabin for a little vacation. Then, we tell Boney that you fingered him as the one behind your drug deal? How fair and accurate would that be?”

Jared reached out Raz, but he was too fast as he turned and ran for the bridge rail. Jared’s hand just brushed his sleeve. Raz vaulted over the railing and disappeared.

“Fuck,” Chris swore as they all ran for the rail.

Rust bit into Jensen’s palm as he looked over the edge. The still body was clear against the rocks of the dry creek bed.

“Fuck!” Ty said.

“God fucking damn it,” Jensen said. “Fucking idiot.” He turned around leaned against the railing. “You wearing gloves the whole time, Ty?”

“Yeah,” he answered. He rested his elbows on the bar and looked below.

“Good, leave the bike here,” Jensen said. “Look like a suicide.”

“It was a suicide,” Jared said. His voice was surprisingly calm. Jensen noticed Chris’ retreating back then and called out to him.

“Gotta make sure!” Chris yelled back.

“Yeah,” Jensen sighed. “Make sure.”

 

  



	10. We Belong to the Thunder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to post this part. What with the holidays and being sick I kind of lost my mojo. I'll let you all judge if I've gotten it back. I'd like to thank meus_venator for her encouragement, and all of you for reading. You all keep me motivated. Title from Pat Benatar’s _We Belong_. Awesome gift art by [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/) **meus_venator**.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/672/22002)

Jensen stopped just inside the doorway to the loft. Jared took off his cut and draped it over the back of a barstool at the kitchen island. His t-shirt was glued to his back with sweat, and he peeled it off. The muscles in his back and shoulders rippled under golden skin, and despite everything that had happened that night, Jensen’s body took an interest. Jared turned and looked at him, head tilted.

“Do you want me to stay?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, of course, I want you to stay,” Jared said with a frown.

Jensen took off his cut and hung it over Jared’s. “Maybe a beer,” he said. They were standing right next to each other, but Jensen couldn’t bring himself to cross the distance.

“Yeah,” Jared said. But instead of going to the refrigerator, he took Jensen’s face in his hands. “You didn’t kill him.”

“I know,” Jensen said. “He knew what it meant to betray the club.”

Jared dropped his hands and went to the refrigerator. He got out two beers, opened them, and handed one to Jensen. “Why do think Boney was involved?” he asked. He crossed the room and sat on the end of the bed.

“Because he hates me,” Jensen said. He took a long pull off the beer. It was icy cold and washed away the bitter flavor that had settled on his tongue.

“Because of me,” Jared said as he pulled off a boot.

Jensen scoffed. “No. You and me? That’s just the catalyst,” he said. He sat down beside Jared. “He’s hated me since my first boyfriend. Doesn’t think I’m fit to be in the club, let alone lead.”

“He’s wrong,” Jared said.

“Yeah, well, with Raz dead, there’s no proof that Boney was involved. JD will never act on suspicion,” Jensen said. He set his beer on the floor and took his boots off. “He’s known the guy too long. JD has blinders that way.”

“So now what?”

“Check with Perico and see if there was really a poker debt,” Jensen said. “There probably was, so that won’t mean anything.”

“Maybe that’s all it was, Jen,” Jared said.

“No, Raz would never have acted on his own.” Jensen took a drink of beer. “I know him. Knew him.”

“Yeah,” Jared sighed.

Jensen leaned his elbows on his knees, beer bottle dangling from his fingers. “You are taking this disturbingly well.” He stared at the beat up toes of his boots.

Jared huffed. “Maybe I’m in shock … or maybe I’m not the kind of person I thought.”

Jensen straightened up and turned toward Jared. He rubbed the back of Jared’s neck. “You sure you want me to stay?”

“Yes, I … yeah,” he said.

Jensen leaned in and nuzzled Jared’s neck, pressed a kiss below his ear. “You want …”

Jared gave a slight head shake. “No, let’s just have a couple beers, watch some TV, try to get some sleep, okay?”

Jensen pulled back. “Yeah, okay.”

An hour later, they were on the couch, shoulder to shoulder. Jared wore nothing but boxers, Jensen in just his jeans, drinking their third beer and watching the Stig take a Bugatti around the track. Jared picked up the remote and hit mute.

“You said you weren’t going to hurt the dealer,” he said.

Jensen looked over at Jared. He could see in the harsh light from the TV, the angry set to Jared’s jaw. “I didn’t plan on it,” Jensen said.

“No, that’s not an excuse,” Jared said.

Jensen let his head drop onto the sofa back. “I’m not trying to excuse …”

Jared sat up straight. “You can’t just say shit to placate me and then turn around and do the opposite.” He twisted toward Jensen and put his hand on the back of the sofa next to Jensen’s head. “You promised to be honest. You lied.”

“I didn’t lie. I meant it when I said it,” Jensen said.

“That’s not good enough. You know the kind of shit that can happen when you go off to _just scare someone_ ,” he said in a mocking tone. “You knew that you could end up hurting that guy. I was an idiot for believing you in the first place.”

Jensen pushed himself off the couch and walked away. Jared followed him. Jensen picked his shirt up off the bed and pulled it over his head. “I should go.”

“No!” Jared grabbed his arm and spun him around. “You’re not going to leave. You put me in that situation, and you can stay here and listen to me vent.”

Jensen thought this was it. This was where Jared faced the truth that he didn’t want this life. It wasn’t his. He couldn’t handle it. Better to open the wound now than let it fester. “You knew what I was when you got involved again,” Jensen said. “You know people get hurt. They know it too. Rowdy isn’t some innocent in all this. He’s a drug dealer.”

Jared ran his fingers back through his hair. “I know that. I saw a man kill himself tonight, and I don’t understand why that isn’t bothering me more than it is. I’m not mad that you broke Rowdy’s finger. I’m mad that you went back on your word to me.” Jared’s voice rose. “The violence and the death, that should be freaking me out. Why isn’t it? What’s wrong with me?”

Jensen shook his head. He wanted to say, _you’re asking the wrong guy,_ but he didn’t. “I don’t know, Fox,” he said. “Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“You think?” he huffed. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I stood there and watched you break his finger, put a gun to Raz’s head.” He huffed out a breath. “I watched him jump ... It’s like it wasn’t real. You know?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

Jared stilled. “Is this what it’s like, Jen? You don’t feel it anymore?”

“No,” Jensen said. He took Jared’s wrists, rubbed over his pulse, skin smooth and thin over taught tendons. “I feel it. It’s just ... remember when Dex was shot?”

“Not something I’ll ever forget,” Jared said. He pulled away from Jensen and went back to the couch. Jensen followed, picked up his beer, but didn’t sit down.

“There used to be this guy in the club, Cowboy. He’d really been one once. He was JD’s age, maybe a little older – skinny, twitchy guy, unpredictable,” Jensen said. “Not so unusual really. If club members had to have psych evals, there’d be a lot fewer of us.” He smiled ruefully and drained his beer. “Anyway, a bunch of us were at the Pit one night, just blowin’ off steam. Cowboy was playing pool with this guy, um, Jimmy something, I don’t remember. He was a new prospect.” Jensen went to the lower kitchen cabinet where Jared kept the liquor and got a bottle of Jim Beam. He took down two juice glasses and poured a shot in each. Jared got up and followed him.

“Anyway, Cowboy was in a foul mood for whatever reason. He wasn’t playing for shit. Lost three games in a row and went ballistic. Started screaming and swinging his cue around.” Jensen pushed a glass across the kitchen island toward Jared who sank onto a stool. “Before anyone had time to react, he broke the cue on the edge of the table and stabbed Jimmy in the eye with it.” Jensen downed the shot. He hadn’t talked about that night in years. He hadn’t really known Jimmy, but he’d remember his screams for the rest of his life – the blood and the way he’d thrashed around on the floor. Jensen poured another shot and downed it.

“Jesus,” Jared said. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen said. “They took Jimmy to the hospital and Cowboy to the desert. Never saw either of them again.” Jensen poured another shot but didn’t reach for the glass.

There was a pause before Jared spoke. “When was that?”

“I was sixteen.” Jensen picked up the glass and took a sip. “I remember that I’d just gotten my license. Chris and I took off for a few days. Anyway, my point was that it’s never been quite like that again. I don’t think people couldn’t handle that kind of thing over and over, you know?”

Jared put his elbows on the counter and rubbed his hands over his face. “A defense mechanism,” he sighed. “Good for the individual, but not so much for society.”

“It was probably a good thing when we lived in small warring tribes,” Jensen said.

“Who says we don’t?” Jared raised the glass in his long fingers and tipped it to his lips. He grimaced slightly as he set the glass down.

“I’m just saying that your reaction tonight may just be delayed or it may be that seeing Dex shot ...” Jensen searched for the right way to say what he was thinking.

“Broke something in me? Inured me to violence? Yeah ... maybe.” Jared got up from the stool and walked around the island. Jensen sipped his drink and set the glass down. Jared’s arms went around him from behind; his weight trapped Jensen against the island in front of him. Neither of them moved for a moment. Jared’s breath was hot on his neck.

“I love you, Cat,” Jared whispered.

Jensen pushed away from the counter and got Jared to loosen his grip enough to turn in the circle of his arms. Jared’s ever changing eyes were stormy blues and grays, his brows knitted.

“Yeah, me too,” Jensen said. “Let’s go to bed, huh?”

Jared’s expression cleared. He had an oddly resolved look on his face that Jensen wanted to ask about, but Jared pulled him close and kissed him.

“Yeah, let’s go to bed.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25687)

Feigning sleep was getting Jared nowhere. He wasn’t the type that usually let stress keep him awake, but this was different. His thoughts continued to roll and bounce around his head like a ball bearing in a pinball machine. Just when they’d begin the slow roll down toward the exit hole some image or phrase would swing out and send the whole ball of thoughts shooting up through the middle again, bouncing off bumpers and setting off lights and alarms.

He opened his eyes. The lights of the city reflected off low-hanging cloud cover filling the loft with a garish amber glow. His gaze traced the pipes and A/C ducts that snaked their way across the shadows of the high ceiling. He sighed. He ought to just get up, but Jensen lay against his side with his right arm across Jared’s chest. He didn’t want to wake Jensen up. He had no desire to talk right then.

He was still troubled by his reaction earlier that evening. Maybe Jensen was right. Maybe seeing Dex’s death had affected his ability to feel the horror of violence that he once had, but that wasn’t what disturbed him. Not really. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

Yes, he’d felt anxious at first. There had been the feeling of being out of his depth when they’d entered Rowdy’s kitchen. He was an observer, a photo journalist watching a pride of lions stalk a wildebeest. He should have stayed in the Landrover because they could turn on him, couldn’t they? But then he’d started watching Jensen, listening to his low, calm voice as he cajoled and then threatened Rowdy, and he’d felt connected.

Jensen was so confident, in control, assured, with the underlying power of a natural predator, a jungle cat. And at some point – maybe with the snap of a bone – and Jared felt invested somehow. That beautiful, vicious man was his, and what did that say about him? By the time, Jared pulled Raz into the van and the muzzle of Jensen’s gun was pressed to the man’s forehead, Jared was that 17-year-old again.

“I’m one of them,” he whispered.

Jensen snuffled but didn’t awake. Jared took Jensen’s wrist and twisted it to expose the inside of his arm. The light fell clearly across the tattoo: _You are responsible forever, for what you have tamed._ He wanted to scoff at the very idea of taming Jensen, especially after what he’d seen that night.

If he was honest with himself, it wasn’t the lack of horror or aversion to the violence that bothered him. It was the feeling he’d had that moment sitting next to Jensen in the van with Raz on the floor, eyes wide, muzzle pressed to his head. Jared hadn’t felt so alive in ages, not since he was seventeen, excited and slightly aroused.

Just the memory had his breath quickening, cock hardening, acutely aware of Jensen’s body beside him, the weight of his arm, the brush of his breath over Jared’s skin. Jared felt a twist of guilt and shame in his gut. He understood how this life could become addictive, the rush of danger, fear, violence. A man was dead. He slid from beneath Jensen’s arm and rose.

He went into the bathroom, which was separated from the sleeping area by a partition of glass block. He didn’t turn on the light so as not to wake Jensen, and he didn’t want to face himself in the mirror if truth be told. He splashed cold water on his face, leaned over the sink in the half-light.

Jensen had been wild, JD had said. He’d fallen in and out of love like the turn of the tide until he’d met Jared. That’s all the taming meant. But it was something. He was Jared’s, willingly. There was no fight in this predator to stray, and fuck, if that didn’t grab Jared deep in his chest and make him want to hold on.

“Hey,” came Jensen’s deep, husky voice behind him, and arms wrapped around Jared. “Can’t sleep?”

Jared stayed where he was, leaning on the vanity, and shook his head. “No.”

Jensen blanketed him from hips to shoulders. He pressed his cheek to the side of Jared’s neck. “You okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Jared sighed.

“Come on.” Jensen took his wrist and led him out of the bathroom, toward the sofa. He was naked and beautiful in the ambient light that filled the loft. His eyes looked big and dark, thick lashes cast shadows across the pale rise of cheek. He pulled Jared down beside him on the sofa. “Tell me.”

“I love you.”

Jensen dropped his eyes and nodded. “But you hate my life.”

“I _don’t_ hate it, and that scares me. I scare me.”

“Aw, baby, it’s okay,” Jensen said. He pulled Jared into his arms, and Jared curled inward, laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen cradled the bigger man in his arms and combed his fingers through Jared’s hair. There was a flash of light off the clouds and after some moments a distant roll of thunder.

“What I am I becoming, Jen?”

“You’re becoming a man.”

“No!” Jared pulled away. “Being a man doesn’t mean I have to be violent or ...”

“No,” Jensen interrupted. “It doesn’t. What I mean, Fox, is that you’re moving beyond what you’ve been told you should be, beyond what’s comfortable or easy. Being a man is struggling with things like where you draw the line, what you reject or accept.”

Light lit up the room and the thunder came quicker and louder now.

“And you’ve done that?”

Jensen’s pretty mouth curled into a rueful smile. “You never stop doing that once you’re a man.”

“Yeah?”

“Not as long as life keeps throwing curve balls.”

“Yeah, I guess not.”

“Growing up kind of sucks,” Jensen said. He pushed himself to his feet and went to the kitchen area. Jared leaned back and shut his eyes. He heard the rattle of bottles, and a moment later Jensen’s weight flopped down on the sofa beside him. A cold bottle nudged Jared’s knee, and he opened his eyes. He took the beer from Jensen and turned it up. The icy liquid slid so easily down his throat.

Jensen’s solid shoulder pressed against his, and a big, warm hand rested on Jared’s thigh, curved inward, slid up the sensitive flesh toward his groin. Jared’s cock began to thicken. He smiled. It turned into a chuckle that built to an all out laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Jensen asked.

“I just ...” He took a breath. “I realized that I’m drinking beer at 4 a.m. with a gorgeous, naked man, and when I think of my life three months ago.” He shrugged. “It’s funny.” He tipped the bottle back to his lips.

The edge of Jensen’s hand pressed into the crease between Jared’s thigh and balls, pulling the fabric of his shorts tight over his cock. “You noticed I’m naked, huh?”

Jared almost choked on his beer. He turned his head and met dark, hooded eyes and a wicked smile. The hand kept moving, cupping Jared’s hardening dick through his shorts. His hips rolled instinctively into the touch. Jensen smiled.

“Maybe you’d like to be naked with me,” he said in that low, husky voice that made Jared’s brain melt.

“I, yeah, let’s ...”

Jensen grinned. “Yeah, let’s.”

Jared rose and pushed his boxers off. He just pulled Jensen to his feet when lightning struck again. He took Jensen’s hand and drew him to one of the tall narrow windows and looked out.

“I love thunder storms,” he said.

“You should see them out at the ranch,” he said. “You never did, did you?” He pressed himself to Jared’s back and pulled him close with an arm around his waist.

“No.”

“It’s amazing to watch a storm come across the fields,” Jensen said. His cock was hard against the crease of Jared’s ass, and he mouthed along Jared’s shoulder, the back of his neck. Jared arched against Jensen, his cock filling and rising. Jensen gripped Jared’s hip with one hand and pulled them tight together. The other hand swept across his belly to his chest, rough and tender, rubbed over a nipple, gripped, twisted. A hum of arousal slipped from Jared’s throat.

He raised his arms and gripped each side of the window casement for support as he leaned forward slightly, and he spread his feet wider apart. Jensen’s cock slotted perfectly into the crease of his ass. Precome slicked it as Jensen rocked his hips. Lightning flashed brighter, and the crack of thunder followed quicker than before. Jared was motionless as Jensen’s cock slipped up and down along the valley between his cheeks. His hand slipped down and grasped Jared’s cock, capturing the precome at the head and smearing down the length. His hand moved with perfect tight, twisting firmness even as his cock slip slid over the sensitive flesh of his ass.

The storm came closer, faster until Jared could feel the thunder reverberating through the thick brick walls, and he shut his eyes against the white flashes of light. The next crack of thunder was so loud a car alarm went off somewhere down the street, and Jensen was all over him – his mouth wet and hot against Jared’s neck, and his skin sweat slick blanketed Jared’s back, hips working, pumping his cock in the most arousing tease Jared had ever felt. He wanted.

“Cat, please,” he moaned. “Please.”

Jensen’s movements faltered and his whole body tensed as wet, hot slick erupted over Jared’s lower back. Jensen’s forehead dropped against the back of Jared’s neck, and he continued to lazily stroke Jared’s aching dick.

“Damn it, Cat.”

Jared was left cold and wet as Jensen pulled away, but moments later both hands grasped Jared’s hips and Jensen’s tongue laved over his back, licking his own come from Jared’s skin. It was soft and slick against his skin.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I need …”

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “Turn around.”

Jared’s knees felt weak as he pushed away from the window frame and turned. Jensen urged him to sit on the low, deep window sill, and Jensen crawled between his wide-spread legs and sucked him down.

“Fuck,” Jared gasped. His hands went to Jensen’s head as though that could steady him. The tension was already wound so tight that he knew it wouldn’t take much. There was an unusual lull in the music of the storm before rain splattered against the cool glass of the window at his back.

His orgasm hit like the earlier lightning – fast and hard and overwhelming like the thunder. He held Jensen head down. “Don’t move, don’t move,” he pleaded. The slightest increase in sensation could kill him. His cock pumped and twitched in Jensen’s throat. As the intensity began to wane, he eased his pressure on Jensen’s head, stroked the back of his neck.

“Oh my god, Cat, wow,” he said.

Jensen looked up and let Jared’s dick slip from his mouth. “I didn’t even taste that,” he smirked. “Went straight down my throat.”

Jared laughed, and a powerful gust of window threw rain at the window like water from a fire hose. “Quite a storm,” he said. He bent forward and caught Jensen’s lips in a sloppy kiss.

“I love you, Cat.”

“I know, Fox. Love you too.” He gave Jared a quick kiss. “Now you need to help me up cause I don’t know if my bad knee will lift me.”

Jared rose and offered Jensen a hand. “Come on, old man. Let’s clean up and get a little sleep.”

“Old man,” Jensen groused as he let Jared pull him to his feet. “I can still kick your ass, boy.”

“No doubt about that,” Jared chuckled. He wrapped his arms around Jensen and kissed him. “No doubt.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25480)

Jensen hadn’t been able to sleep. He wanted to talk to JD about what had happened before anyone else got a chance. The rain had stopped and after about an hour, he’d shaken Jared awake and told him why he was going and hit the road. The storm had long ago blown north into Oklahoma, and the sun was painting the sky pink and pale yellow as he rode through Goat Weed.

His ass was dragging by the time he climbed the steps to the house. Everything was quiet. A one-eyed yellow tom cat got up to rub against his leg as he stopped and stretched. He bent and ran a hand down its back before pulling the storm door open and going inside.

He followed the sound of voices coming from the kitchen. JD was at his usual spot at the table, and Sam was at the counter pouring a cup of coffee. He leaned in the doorway but didn’t speak. JD peered at him over his reading glasses for a second and went back to his crossword puzzle.

“Oh hi, honey, what are you doing dragging in at this hour like a teenager?” Sam said when she turned around. She was wearing a fuzzy blue robe and there was navy-blue nail polish on her toes.

“I need to talk to JD,” he said.

Her mouth drew into a hard line and she looked from him to JD and back. “Okay,” she said and pushed her hair back from her face with one hand. “Have some coffee. You look like you need it.” She walked toward him, but as she tried to slip by and out the door, he put an arm around her waist and hugged her. She tipped her head back to look up at him in surprise. Her brows knitted. “Forget the coffee and get some sleep, baby.” She got a hand behind his neck and pulled him down for a kiss on the cheek.

He nodded. “Thanks.”

He watched Sam walk off down the hallway before turning back to his father who had taken his reading glasses off and laid them aside with his newspaper.

“So how’d it go?” JD asked.

Jensen didn’t answer right away. He crossed the room and poured himself a mug of coffee before sitting down in his usual spot to JD’s right. He put his elbows on the table and rubbed his hands over his face.

“That bad?” JD asked.

Jensen dropped his hands and sighed. “It was a cluster fuck.”

JD got up to pour himself some more coffee. “So delaying it won’t make it less painful.” Jensen huffed out a laugh. His dad had always told him that about misbehaving. Better to confess and deal with the consequences than wait for JD to drag it out of him. The older man returned to the table with a bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a shot in each mug.

“We talked to Rowdy,” Jensen said. “He didn’t want to say who he got the Oxy from. He was scared, but I convinced him that he might as well tell me.”

JD just nodded in understanding.

“He said it was one of our guys that came to him.” Jensen kept his eyes on his father’s face as he spoke. “The Italian.”

JD looked up from his mug. “Raz?”

“I had Rowdy call him and set up a meeting for more,” Jensen said. He ran a thumbnail along a scar in the red formica tabletop. “When he got there, we grabbed him and took him out to Cabin Creek for a talk. Ty followed on Raz’s bike.”

“And?”

“He said he needed the money for a gambling debt.”

JD scoffed. “That’s nothing new. He’s always had gambling debts.”

“That’s what I thought. What’s a few K? He could have come to club, you, Boney …”

JD nodded. “Doesn’t make sense.”

“No,” Jensen agreed. “I asked him if anyone else was involved. He denied it.”

“You don’t believe him?”

Jensen bit his lip. “No.”

“I’ll talk to him. Where you got him?”

“That’s gonna be a problem,” Jensen said.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s in the creek bed. Dead.”

“He’s what?!”

Jensen held up a hand. “I asked him if putting him on ice for awhile and telling Boney that he’d fingered him would answer my question, and … he broke for it, jumped the rail.”

“You think?!” JD shoved away from the table and paced the room. “It doesn’t mean a damn thing. Jesus, you should be smarter than that. If Boney thought that Raz had betrayed him he’d kill him just for that – guilt or not – and you should know that!”

“Maybe,” Jensen said.

JD stopped with a hand on his hip. He rubbed his eyes with the other. “Jensen.” He sounded weary. “I know what you’re thinking, and I’m not stupid. I know that Boney is against you. Maybe he isn’t above doing something underhanded, but this doesn’t prove it.”

“I know that,” he said. His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” JD sat back down with a sigh. “Was Fox there?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d he handle it?”

“Raz? Fox is disturbed by how much it isn’t freaking him out. He did fine though. Held it together and helped the guys out.”

“Good.” JD nodded and took a sip of coffee and whiskey. “Good.”

“Do you …”

“What?”

“Do you remember when the violence bothered you?”

“You think it doesn’t?” JD watched him a moment, and Jensen felt like squirming. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Not much, no. Not like it did, you know. Remember Cowboy and Jimmy? That … Jesus, I had nightmares.”

“You were just a kid.”

“That’s it? I was a kid? That’s why Fox left me after he saw Dex shot? Because he was a kid?” Anger burned in Jensen’s chest.

“That’s not what I meant, son.”

“So, what do you mean?”

“I mean ... shit, you never should have seen that. You boys weren’t supposed to be there, and I had to take care of the situation. I was going to talk to you when I got back, but you and Chris had taken off. When you got back ...” He shook his head. “I was just glad you came back.”

“You thought we’d run off?” Surprise replaced the anger.

“I thought it was a possibility.” JD studied the dark well of his coffee mug. “Hell, what kid wants to live like that?”

“So you weren’t surprised when Fox left me.”

“I was surprised he lasted that long.” When he looked up, Jensen was struck by how much he’d aged, how sad he looked, like a sorry old hound.

“You didn’t say anything.”

“What could I say, Jensen? You were crazy about the kid – you are crazy about him.”

Jensen felt the anger rising again. “So last night was a test.”

“Not that kind. It was about the club, not you and him.”

Jensen was at a loss. His brain felt as though it was grinding to halt.

“You look like shit,” JD said. “You get any sleep?”

“Not much.”

JD pushed the tray holding the bag of weed, lighter, and papers toward him. “Smoke a joint and go to bed.”

“Not sure I’ve got the energy to roll one,” Jensen replied.

“Shit,” JD said. He opened the bag of weed and put some on the tray. “You still need me to wipe your ass too?”

Jensen smiled. “I think I can handle that on my own.”

“Yeah? Good, cause that’s where I draw the line.” Within minutes, JD was twisting the ends of a neat little joint. He handed it to Jensen and rose from the table. “I’m gonna go see what the old lady’s up to,” he said with a wink.

“I don’t want to know,” Jensen said.

“Tough shit. I see way more of what you and Fox got going on than I’d like too.” He patted Jensen on the shoulder. “Get some sleep, son.”

Jensen lit the joint and inhaled deeply as JD left the room. He looked around the familiar room – the red checker-board wallpaper boarder, the rooster clock above the refrigerator, the white ruffled curtains at the window over the sink.

There was a hole in the plaster next to the door where he’d tried to shoot an arrow through an apple balanced on a basketball. Chris had been holding it. They’d been about fourteen at the time. Sam hadn’t accepted the explanation that they were testing the William Tell Hypothesis, but JD had pointed out to her that at least the apple hadn’t been on Chris’ head. His only punishment had been that he couldn’t have a new basketball.

The dent in the front of the old Frigidaire was from his fist when Jared left. Of course, he’d been drunk. He didn’t remember doing it, but his hand was swollen for three days, so it must have been him.

He stretched out his legs under the table remembering coloring books and board games, homework and poker, arguments and laughter. This was home, but he wished nothing more than to be able get up from that table, walk into the other room and be in Jared’s loft, to slide into bed beside him, feel his heat and solid presence, hear his heart and breath.

He put the joint out and got up. He’d stumbled halfway down the hallway before he remembered he was staying in one of the rooms at the back of the Pit. He turned around and headed back toward the door.

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

“You want to talk about it?” Danneel asked as she stabbed a bite of salad. They sat at a table by the window in the diner where they met for lunch nearly every week. It was bright and bustling, filled with attorneys and PAs and court workers.

Jared’s forkful of arugula paused halfway to his mouth. He wasn’t sure what she was referring to since he’d been lost in his own thoughts. Oh. “Do you?” he asked defensively.

“Do I what?”

“Want to talk about _it_?”

“What?”

“ _What?”_ she asked. Color rose in her cheeks.

Wow, Jared thought, what? “Is there something you want to talk about?” he asked.

Her fork hit the edge of her salad bowl loud enough for the couple at the next table to look over. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jared chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t either, but you’re clearly hiding something.”

“I’m not,” she insisted. “You are just deflecting. You’ve been somewhere else ever since we got here. Now spill it.”

Jared’s smile faded, and he gave her a long look. “Nothing I can talk about.”

“Jared …”

“How’s Chris’ case going?” he asked.

“Nothing I can talk about,” she said with raised brows, but he didn’t miss the uncertain way her gaze broke.

“Touche,” he said automatically, but wondered what that hesitancy was about.

“Seriously, I don’t like this.” She pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Is Jensen getting you into something dangerous?”

 “I can’t talk about club business. You know that, Danni.”

Her brows together, and she stuffed a too large chunk of lettuce in her mouth that made her cheeks swell like a chipmunk, an adorable chipmunk that tried not to smile at her own poor table manners. Something about this felt off.

“Look, I know that Chris is your client, and everything is confidential, but if he’s telling you stuff about me or Jensen … I think I have a right to know.”

The high color that had faded from her cheeks returned, and she took a long drink of iced tea. “No! It’s, no, he hasn’t said anything like that.” She watched her fork push salad around her bowl with a secret smile.

“No,” Jared said. “Jesus, Danni, tell me you haven’t gotten involved with Chris.”

“Involved?” she scoffed. “No, not involved, just, you know, having some fun.”

“No,” Jared said. It was as though someone had just turned the heat up. He wanted to tell her the guy was untrustworthy, an asshole, not to be trusted. “No, no, don’t do that. He is, first of all, a client. Bad idea and you know it. Second, he’s … just, don’t do this, Dee.”

“Okay, first of all … _Dad_ , you always tell me I pick the wrong kind of guys. So he’s a different kind of guy. Second, it isn’t a relationship. He’s hot and good in bed. That’s all.”

“You don’t know what you’re getting into, and I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” All he could think of was JD’s words about Jensen and Chris and Ty’s advice to let it go. It was in the past.

“Yeah, I guess you do know what I’d be getting into, if it _were_ a relationship, and that’s what worries me about this preoccupied seriousness you’ve got going today.” She laid her hand over his left which rested on the table.

He turned his hand over and squeezed hers. He took a deep breath and let it out. “Getting involved with Jensen again is admittedly making me reevaluate my life and myself. He said that being a man, you know growing up, is about choosing where you draw the line, what you embrace and deny into your life.”

“Oh jeez, what _is_ he getting you into?”

“My point is that whatever I get into, it’s my decision, not Jensen’s.” He set down his fork and wiped his mouth. “Anyway, there’s a lot to reevaluate. You know I’ve been at the firm a couple of years and I’m doing okay there, but is it where I want to stay? And if not, just where do I want my career to go?”

“I thought you wanted to get into the corporate law?” She leaned to the side as the server hovered over her to refill her tea glass. “Thank you.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m beginning to realize that I took a certain path in life as a direct result of my first time with Jensen.” He fiddled with his spoon and didn’t meet the inquisitive gaze across the table. “You know, Dee, I scared the hell out of my parents, hurt them so badly, and I made it my sole purpose when I got home to be the perfect son, good grades, sports, career. If they hadn’t already known I was gay, I probably would have tried to … I don’t know, hide it at least.”

“You’re serious?” she asked.

“Yeah.” He glanced up. “I don’t know if I’d have chosen law. It sure isn’t something that I’d thought of before I ran off to be a pirate.”

“Pirate?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, you know, one of the childhood romantic dreams – pirate, cowboy, what have you.”

“What did you want to be?”

“Pirate, cowboy, rock star,” he said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, moose. What did you dream of being before?”

“I don’t know. I liked science, physics – an engineer or architect maybe. I’d talked some to my science teacher. What about you?”

“My mom is an attorney. You know that.”

“You always wanted to follow in mommy’s footsteps?”

“No, I wanted to be a pirate.”

Jared threw his head back and laughed.

“Or a ballerina,” Danneel said. “Not a cowboy.”

Jared leaned forward. “You know what’s funny? I always knew on a gut level that the cowboys weren’t really the good guys. I really wanted to be an Indian.”

“And that, my friend, is why you are a good attorney.”

“Yeah, maybe so,” he said. “Can you really not tell me anything about Chris’ case? Did you go to see Crystal?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“And I’m hopeful,” she said. “Without going into detail, I imagine Chris and Jensen told you what she said to them.”

He nodded.

“We may be able to head off going to court.”

“Really? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, but you know that doesn’t guarantee that Chris will get custody if you all can’t keep the other club members in line. Social services will be keeping tabs on the ranch.”

“Yeah, they already did one visit. I guess it went pretty well. Sam is a little rough around the edges, but she loves Devin and that came across. Kind of won the worker over from what I hear.”

“Good. Don’t let them slack off.”

“I’m keeping tabs on them. I’m going out there for the weekend.” Jared pushed his empty salad bowl away.

“Be careful, Jared. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, you too, and you be careful too.” He squeezed her hand.

“Sap.” She grinned.

He laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Seriously, Danni, these guys, they’re the real deal.”

“Stop it,” she said. “All you’re doing is making me worry more about you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

“Fine,” she mocked. She glanced at her watch. “Oh shit, I gotta run. I’ve got a deposition in a half hour.” She jumped up, and he lifted his cheek as she bent to give it a quick kiss before hurrying out.

Chris and Danni. “God damn it,” he mumbled.

 

  



	11. Love This Leash That Holds Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so long in coming, guys. Thank you to my beta on this chapter and awesome artist [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/)**meus_venator**. All mistakes are my own. Title from Foo Fighters’ _New Way Home_.

 

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/317/24524)

Jared could see the flickering firelight from the highway. As he turned up the lane, he saw a bonfire burning about halfway between the house and the Pit. Rows of bikes were lined up in front of the Pit and the garage, and knots of people crowded the porch and surrounded picnic tables out front.

“Son of a bitch,” Jared muttered. He parked his car in front of the house and stalked toward the Pit. Jensen broke from a group of friends and approached him, but stopped when he saw the scowl on Jared’s face.

“Fox?” he said.

“What the fuck, Cat?” He stopped and raised his hands toward the crowd. “We’re supposed to be keeping things quiet for Chris’ case.” He let his hands drop to his sides.

“We are,” Jensen said.

“This is quiet? I can barely hear you over fucking Deep Purple,” Jared said. “Where’s Devin?”

Jensen put an arm around Jared and steered him toward to house. “Come on,” he said and led Jared into the kitchen. He got a couple Modelos out of the refrigerator and handed one to Jared. “We have to be realistic, Fox.” He leaned back against the counter. “They’ve played it cool all week. It’s Friday night, and social services aren’t likely to show tonight. Anyway, Dev isn’t here. He’s spending the night at Blue and Deb’s. Their youngest is just a year older.”

Jared ran his fingers back through his hair. “Okay, but still ...”

“I know,” Jensen said. He pushed away from the cabinet and wrapped an arm around Jared’s waist. “They need to blow off a little steam or God knows what might happen.” A crooked little smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “I’m keeping an eye on things. No drugs, no open sex.”

“Yeah?” Jared was dubious about that.

“I haven’t even smoked any weed myself today,” he said. “Now ...” He pressed a kiss to Jared’s jaw. “Why don’t we find somewhere private?”

Jared tipped his head back and looked into hooded eyes. Jensen’s lips were parted, inviting. “Then who would keep an eye on the guys?”

“Mm, let JD do it. He’s the president,” Jensen said.

“Hey!” Chris announced his drunken entrance into the kitchen with a shout. He had his arm around the shoulders of a plump girl with heavy eyeliner and bleached hair with dark roots. He held up the bottle of Bud in his other hand in salute. “Fox! When’d you get here man? Have a beer you’re late to the party!”

“Thanks, yeah, I’m having a beer,” Jared said. He saw Jensen’s smirk as his lover took a step back.

“Christian, having fun, buddy?” Jensen asked.

Chris gave Jensen a ‘what the fuck?’ look and dropped his arm from the girl’s shoulders. He tossed the empty bottle in the trash and went to the refrigerator. “Don’t give me that tone, brother,” Chris said with his head in the refrigerator. His voice was steady and clear – not so drunk after all, Jared thought. Christian emerged with two bottles of Bud in one hand. He twisted the lid off one and handed it to the girl before opening the other. “I’m not some prospect,” he said with a sneer.

Jared just nodded. “Nice,” he mumbled.

“Right,” Jensen said. “So why you acting like one?”

Chris pointed the index finger of the hand holding the beer bottle at Jensen. “Because you’re my best friend and knowing you can’t help being an asshole, I’ll let that pass,” Chris said.

Jensen chuckled and shook his head. “Whatever,” he said. He picked up the abandoned beer bottles scattered across the table and took them to the sink where he dumped the dregs down the drain. Chris walked over and threw his arm around Jensen’s shoulders.

“Aw, come on, Jenny, don’t be like that,” he Chris cooed.

Christian really was a dick, Jared thought, going off and partying when he was in danger of losing custody of his kid, fucking Danni, and treating Jensen like an inferior. Jared didn’t hear the rest of Christian’s taunt, but he saw his hand slide down and squeeze Jensen’s ass. He slammed his beer bottle on the table with a bang.

“Get your hands off him!” He didn’t care how clichéd the words were. Christian’s startled look turned to amusement in seconds. If Jensen’s went wary, he didn’t notice.

“What did you say?” Chris laughed.

“You fucking heard what I said,” Jared said. He took a step forward.

Christian’s smile faded. “You think you can tell me what to do, prospect?”

“I think you had your chance,” Jared said. “I’m not going anywhere this time, so keep your fucking hands to yourself.”

Jared was vaguely aware of Jensen standing to the side as Christian stepped toward him. “And I think you need to learn your place in this club, boy!”

Maybe Christian really was drunk or maybe he just wasn’t expecting it, but when Jared’s fist connected with his chin, he went down. He didn’t stay down. He surged to his feet with rage in his eyes and hands fisted, but Jensen was between them. He shoved Christian backward.

“Take a walk!” he ordered.

Christian looked as though he might hit Jensen but thought better of it. “This is not over,” he said to Jared.

“Out! Now!” Jensen said.

Christian grabbed the girl’s arm. “Ow!” she protested as he dragged her toward to door. That’s when they realized they’d had an audience. Ty stood just inside the doorway taking it all in.

“Keep an eye on him,” Jensen said to Ty who nodded and followed Christian and the girl.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” Jensen asked as though discussing the weather instead of a violent outburst.

Jared huffed out a breath. “Not really.”

Jensen nodded. He handed Jared his beer, put a hand on his shoulder, and steered him toward the back door. “Let’s get some air.”

It had gotten cooler, and Jared pulled in a deep breath. It was dark on this side of the house. The sounds of the party could be heard faintly.

Jensen sat down on the top step, but adrenaline still coursed through Jared’s veins, making him restless. He walked down the steps and took a long pull of his beer. He could see the faint outline of the bar against a backdrop of stars.

“You know there’s nothing between me and Chris,” Jensen said behind him.

“Not anymore,” Jared said. He heard Jensen sigh.

“Who told you that?”

Jared turned around. Jensen sat there silhouetted in a wash of light from the kitchen window. He had one leg stretched out, the other bent, arm across his knee and beer bottle dangling loosely in his fingers. It was the pose of a man at ease. Jared knew better. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I know that when I left, he took advantage of it.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Jensen said.

“Come on, Jen. You were torn up.”

“Yeah, and he just tried to hold me together.”

“No, not like that …”

Jensen held his hand out. “Come here. Please.”

Jared took his hand and allowed himself to be pulled down beside him. Jensen grasped his chin and made Jared face him. One side of Jensen’s face was in shadow; on the other, light from the window highlighted the plane of a freckled cheek, sparked emerald in his eye.

“Look, Fox, I’m not saying it wasn’t messed up or that we don’t both regret it, okay? But it was over a long time ago. He’s no threat to us.”

Jared turned away and put his elbows on his knees. “I know,” he said. “I know that. I just … I was already angry at him for partying when he should be with Devin, and then his attitude toward you … He grabbed your ass, and I just saw red. I know it’s stupid.”

Jensen’s arm went around his shoulders, and he pressed his lips to Jared’s temple, planted another kiss lower along his hairline, and one beside his ear. “Who knew you were so possessive,” Jensen murmured.

“Yeah,” Jared said. He turned his head and caught Jensen’s mouth in a soft kiss. “Guess I am. Does that bother you?”

“No,” Jensen smirked. “It’s kind of hot.” He leaned in and brushed their lips together, licked across the seam of Jared’s lips, which parted in welcome. Jared breathed in the soft exhalation of Jensen’s breath. He caught Jensen’ plump lower lip between his, felt his cock swell in response. Jensen hummed low in his throat, when Jared slotted their mouths together and delved into Jensen’s wet depths. Jared got lost there in the play of lips and tongues, the stroke of Jensen’s fingers on the back of his neck, Jensen’s solid warmth in his arms.

When the kiss broke, they didn’t move apart. They rested their foreheads together. Jensen massaged the back of Jared’s neck. “You okay, now?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” They were silent a moment, and Jensen said. “You know there was this boy that  I used to make out with here on this porch.”

Jared smiled. “Yeah? Whatever happened to him?”

“He grew up, and I …”

“Yeah, me too.”

Jensen suddenly leaned back, and there was heat in his eyes as he stood, pulling Jared to his feet along with him. He dragged Jared in the door and through the kitchen to the laundry room.

“Cat, what the hell?”

“Privacy, remember? We got sidetracked,” Jensen said. He turned the light on and shoved Jared back against the door. He heard the lock click as Jensen pressed against him with a full-body rub. Jared marveled at how Jensen could be so fucking gorgeous even under fluorescent light – golden freckles and eyes like green fire. Jensen kissed him and then pulled away, shrugged off his cut.

“Take that off,” Jensen said.

It took Jared a moment to respond before he was out of his cut and peeling off his shirt as Jensen did. Then, he was reaching out to feel the warm, smooth skin of Jensen’s arms and back, pull him in, and Jensen crushed their mouths together as he opened Jared’s fly. His hand wrapped around Jared’s half-hard cock and stroked it. Jared clung to him, kisses rough and messy between them. Jensen’s braid lay heavy across the back of his hand, and he teased the elastic off the end, and unraveled the plait. As Jensen continued to tug and twist at Jared’s erection, kiss him and own him, Jared ran the fingers of both hands through Jensen’s hair. Without thinking, he gripped and pulled.

“Ow!” Jensen yelped. His hand stilled, and he looked accusingly at Jared.

“Sorry, I like it when you pull mine,” Jared said.

“I’ll remember that, but I know something you’ll like more,” Jensen said and dropped to his knees.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jared said shakily as Jensen licked up the underside of his cock. “Fuck,” he groaned as he looked down into hungry eyes. Jensen’s mouth became a perfect ‘O’ around his cock as he suckled the head. He ran his fingers back through Jensen’s hair, pushing it away from his face as Jensen swallowed him down.

His balls were already drawing up, tension swirling, and he fought the urge to fuck into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen moaned around his cock. There was spit and precome leaking from the corners of his mouth. He was gorgeous, this tough, motherfucker who was on his knees sucking Jared’s cock, and Jared came so hard his head slammed back against the door and his knees shook, yet a tiny slice of his brain remembered not to yank on the hair knotted around his fingers.

“Fuck, holy fuck,” Jared mumbled. He blinked against the bright light that he suddenly realized he was staring into.

Jensen stood and licked his glazed lips. “Was that okay?” he asked with a smirk. His cheeks were flushed and eyes dark.

Jared grabbed him, sucked on those lips, licked into his mouth, and that salty bitter was him, his come in that beautiful mouth. He pushed Jensen back against the washing machine, reached under his knee, and lifted him onto it.

“Wanna taste you too,” he mumbled against Jensen’s lips. He fumbled at Jensen’s belt and fly.

“Yeah,” Jensen said, slapping his hands away. He got his fly open, and Jared drew his cock out. It was already slick with precome. “Oh, God, hurry, Fox.”

Jared didn’t hesitate. He took Jensen all the way into his throat. Jensen squirmed and moaned and Jared pulled off, sank down and pulled up once before Jensen’s hips came up off the washer. Jared’s mouth was filled with come. He couldn’t swallow it fast enough and his nose burned. He pulled off and coughed.

“Shit,” Jensen said. “Baby, I’m sorry.” He took Jared’s face in his hands and pulled him closer. He kissed him. “Sorry,” he said again. He ran a thumb under Jared’s nose, wiping away come. “Does that hurt?”

Jared wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Hell yeah, it burns.”

Jensen sucked his lips between his teeth. He was clearly trying not to laugh.

“It’s not funny, Cat,” Jared said, but he couldn’t help huffing out a laugh himself.

“There’s some Kleenex over on the counter,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, thanks.” He grabbed one and blew his nose. When he turned around, Jensen was pulling his t-shirt over his head.

Jared picked his up and put it on and then his cut. Jensen had his cut on and found the elastic band for his hair, which he pulled back in a ponytail. They stopped and grinned at each other.

“I could use a beer,” Jared said.

“Yeah, me too.”

They exchanged a quick kiss and Jensen pulled the door open. Boney, Ty, Blue, JD and Dino all turned and looked at them. No one said a word for a moment.

“You faggots doin’ laundry?” Boney asked.

Jared grabbed Jensen’s shoulder and halted him in mid-step. It was JD who made Boney take step back by crowding his space.

“You ever call my son a faggot again, and I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neck, right after I shove your head up your ass,” JD said. Boney was looking somewhere south-east of JD’s eyes. Jared could almost hear the buzz of tension in the room, but there was no other sound till JD spoke again. “Get the fuck out of my house before I do it anyway.”

He took a step to the side, and Boney had the brains to leave without a word.

“Go on, all of you,” JD said. “Party’s over.”

Ty, Blue, and Dino filed out. Jensen and Jared made to follow them, but JD held his hand up. “Not you two.”

Jensen went to the refrigerator and got out a couple beers. He handed one to Jared who absently wondered where he’d left the last one. He didn’t remember finishing it. Jensen turned and slouched against the front of the refrigerator.

JD rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. “I don’t have to tell you that I’ve got your back, boys, but ... tell me Sam won’t know what just went on her laundry room tomorrow.”

Jensen looked sheepish. “No, hell ...”

Jared turned and flipped the light back on in the laundry room. He scanned the room, and nothing seemed out of place. The floor was clean, nothing knocked over ...

“Shit,” Jared said.

“What?” Jensen and JD asked at the same time. They crowded in behind Jared, and the three stared at the dented washer lid a moment.

“We should just all agree that none of us were  here,” JD said.

“You think that’ll work?” Jared asked.

“Worth a try,” Jensen said stepping back into the kitchen.

“I’m going to bed. I’m getting too old for this shit,” said JD who headed toward the hallway.

“Yeah, I’m ready for bed as well,” Jensen said.

“Sounds good to me,” Jared said.

The mob around the bonfire was already dispersing when they got to the front porch. Bikes roared up the lane. Jensen put his arm around Jared’s waist and Jared threw his over Jensen’s shoulders as they walked to the Pit. It felt comfortable and companionable. Of the few bikers left hanging around outside, no one made a remark or even seemed to pay attention. They dropped their arms as they walked up the steps and entered the building.

A handful of guys were playing pool. Ty was sitting on the sofa with a girl’s head between his thighs. His big hand was stroking her hair and his head was back with his eyes closed. Blue and Dino were at the bar drinking shots.

“Tequila, guys?” Blue asked.

“Nah, think I’ve had enough,” Jensen said. “Sleep sounds better.

“You’re getting’ old, man,” Dino said.

“Fuck you too,” Jensen said.

Jared followed him down the hall, and he was already pulling the elastic from Jensen’s hair while Jensen unlocked the door to his room. He pulled Jared toward him as he kicked the door shut.

“What is with you and my hair tonight?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Jared said. “It feels nice.”

“Yeah, well, no more yanking on it.”

Jared chuckled. “Didn’t know you were such a delicate flower.”

“Because I don’t have a kink for having my hair pulled?” Jensen asked. “Fuck you,” he said with more tenderness than heat.

“Yeah,” Jared said. “Fuck me.”

Jensen pulled Jared closer, ground their hips together. Jared could feel the rigid line of Jensen’s cock through two layers of denim, and stubble rubbed Jared’s cheek as Jensen nuzzled his ear. When he traced the shell with the tip of his tongue, it sent a shiver up Jared’s spine.

“Jesus, I want you inside me. It’s been too long,” Jared murmured.

Jensen’s chuckle was low and husky. “Tuesday.”

“Seems longer,” Jared said. “Need you every night.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed between kisses along Jared’s throat.

“Move in with me, Cat,” Jared said. “Come live with me.”

Jensen pulled back and narrowed eyes searched Jared’s face. “Yeah?”

Jared took his lover’s face in his hands and claimed his mouth. Soft, full lips opened to him. A warm hand pushed up under Jared’s shirt, trailed along his ribs. Jared marveled at the tenderness of this tough, violent man. His man. As the kiss deepened, fingers tangled in Jared’s hair and tugged. His cock oozed precome. A low moan escaped his throat, and Jensen drank it in.

Jared pulled away with a gasp and rested his forehead against Jensen’s. “So, what do you say?” he asked.

Jensen backed him up until his legs hit the edge of the bed. “I say, I want to be with you like this every night.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/25130)

Jensen’s arm ached from hanging off the side of the bed for who knew how long, and it felt as though there was a radiator at his back. He nudged Jared with his elbow.

Jared groaned. “Oh man, sorry.” He scooted to the side, and Jensen rolled onto his back. “Glad I got a king-size bed,” Jared said.

“Yeah, this thing’s not big enough for me alone.”  Light filtered in around the heavy curtains, and a quick look at the clock indicated 9:30 a.m. Jared sighed. “What?” Jensen asked.

There was a pregnant pause before Jared answered. “Chris is sleeping with Danneel.”

“Yeah?” Jensen said. “Oh ... well, maybe she’ll be a good influence.”

Jared sat bolt upright and glared at him. “Seriously? Men don’t change Jensen.”

“Really?” Jensen thinks of the kid he used to be, the one who fell in love with boys and girls, men and then Fox and no one else.

Jared scoffed. “I’m not talking about you or about chasing tail. You think I came into this thinking that I’d put you on the straight and narrow, outta the club and into a 9-to-5?”

“No,” Jensen said. He rubbed his hands over his face. “But, Fox, they’re adults.”

“She doesn’t know what she’s getting into. I did,” Jared said.

“You didn’t.”

“This time, I did,” he asserted. “I came into it with my eyes wide open. If she gets hurt, I’m to blame.”

“No, you aren’t,” Jensen said. He sat up and made Jared look at him. His hazel eyes were stormy blue and gray. “Listen, I know you’ve warned her. She’s a smart woman and tough. Isn’t she?”

Jared looked away with a stubborn frown. “Yes.”

“She knows enough about Christian’s life to know that he’s a bad risk. If she gets emotionally involved, you aren’t to blame. Understand?”

Jared just set his jaw and refused to look at him.

“Hey!”

Jared glared at him again. “Fine, but don’t you encourage Chris to pursue her.”

“I won’t,” Jensen agreed.

“Fine,” Jared said and rolled off the bed. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Jensen’s gaze traveled over the long line of Jared’s naked body as he bent to pick up his jeans. All that golden skin and firm muscle had his cock fattening. “Alone?” he asked.

Jared’s frown slowly dissolved. “Nah, I could use some company,” he said.

Hot water and slick hands washed away the rest of Jared’s bad mood, and by the time they were dressed and headed out the door he was back to his cheerful self. Jensen liked that. He’d always been prone to moodiness, and Jared’s easy smile and optimism was one of the things that had attracted him to the kid all those years ago. He hated the thought that his life troubled Jared.

The morning was sunny and warm as they left the Pit and headed to the house. A plume of dust up the lane stopped them, and they watched the car approach. It was Deb with the kids.

“Hey!” she said when she got out. “We were headed to town for some shopping, but Devin was homesick, so I thought I should bring him back. Is Sam home?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jensen said. “Has he had breakfast?”

“Oh yeah, I know he’s not supposed to have that sugary kid’s cereal, so I gave him Cheerios with strawberries and a hardboiled egg.”

“So you checked his sugar levels and gave him his shot?” Jensen asked.

“I’m not an idiot,” she said as she leaned into the backseat and unstrapped him. “Here you go, buddy.” She handed him his Elmo backpack and gave him a hug. “His case and journal are inside.”

“Bye!” Deb’s kids yelled from the car.

Devin waved and dragged his backpack along the dirt by strap. “Here, let me get that for you, Dev,” Jared said and took the backpack.

Jensen bent and picked him up. “How you feeling, little man?” he asked. “Okay?” Devin laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder and nodded. “Okay, good.”  He started walking toward the house as Deb pulled away.

“Cheerios?” Jared said. “Does that sound like what he should be eating for breakfast?”

“Hell if I know,” Jensen said. He carried the boy into the house where the smell of bacon wafted from the kitchen. Sam was standing at the stove poking at an iron skillet with a mean looking fork.

“Oh my God, there he is,” she said. “Where the hell was he?”

Jared and Jensen exchanged looks. “He was at Deb’s,” Jensen said. “You didn’t know?”

“Of course I didn’t know,” she said. “I called there but didn’t get an answer. He doesn’t go anywhere overnight. God-damned, Chris.” She stroked the boy’s hair, but Devin turned his face away and hid against Jensen’s shirt.

“He looks awful tired,” Sam said.

“Probably up late,” Jensen said.

“Have you eaten breakfast, sweetheart?” Sam asked the boy.

“Deb said she gave him Cheerios, strawberries, an egg,” Jensen said. “She said she checked his sugar and gave him his shot.”

Sam didn’t look convinced. “Devin, sweetie, did Deb stick you this morning, baby?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Dev, can you show us?” Jensen asked. “Show Sam where Deb stuck you.”

The little boy looked up at Jensen with big blue eyes and then held out his finger to Sam.

“Yeah?” Jensen said. “She gave you your shot too?”

He stuck out his bottom lip and pointed at his thigh.

“Okay,” Jensen said. “That’s good then.”

“Yeah, she did,” Jared said. He was seated at the table with Devin’s journal open. “Looks like she checked his sugar levels and gave him his shot at eight, which was almost two hours ago.”

Sam let out a sigh of relief. “All right, well, I’ll set aside some bacon for him. Would you like that, sweetheart?”

“Sounds good,” Jensen said trying to distract her.

“I’m not talking to you,” she said.

“I’m not your sweetheart anymore?” he asked.

She grinned. “Sit down. I’ll get you a cup of coffee, smartass.”

Jensen sat at the table, and Devin settled against his chest.

“Fox. how do you take your coffee?” she asked.

“Cream,” he said. “Please.”

Sam set coffee mugs in front of Jensen and Jared. She crossed her arms then and looked from one to the other. “So, who wants to tell me what happened in the laundry room last night?”

“No idea,” Jensen said. Jared stared into his cup and shrugged. Sam took in Jared’s guilty shoulders and fixed a glare on Jensen. “Really? How old are you?”

“What?” he said.

“Don’t you what me. How much do you weigh?”

“Me?” Jensen exclaimed. “What do you ...”

“Shut up,” she said. “I want it fixed or replaced.” She turned to the stove.

“It doesn’t affect operation,” Jensen said.

She spun around and pointed her finger at him. “I don’t want the imprint of your ass reminding me of the kind of shit you two get up to in my laundry room.”

“I, wait, what ...”

“Give it up, Jensen,” JD said as he entered the kitchen. He went to the coffee maker and poured himself a mug. “She got it out of me last night.”

“Oh nice,” Jensen said. “Lying was your idea, remember?”

JD shrugged. “It was a bad plan. You should have known better.”

Jared brought his cup up to his mouth in an attempt to hide his smile.

“Wipe that grin off your face, prospect, or I’ll do it for you,” JD said.

Sam set a plate of bacon and eggs in front of JD and one in front of Jared. She brought another for Jensen and set one at the empty space. She put a plate of toast on the table and a jar of jelly before sitting down. The men were all wolfing down the food. Devin reached for a piece of Jensen’s bacon.

“Not yet, buddy,” he said. “You have to wait for your snack time.”

“I saved some bacon for you,” she said with a nod. She looked around table and smiled.

“Happy, baby?” JD asked.

She patted his hand. “Yeah, good to have the family together.”

He smiled. “Sure is.”

It was good, Jensen thought. He remembered Jared at this very table He’d been so young and inexperienced. He couldn’t believe now that he’d brought the boy home to this, that he’d exposed him to the vice and danger. He should have been put in jail, but he found it hard to regret it now. Now, here was another even smaller boy in the midst of it. Jared took a bite of toast and looked up. His brows raised in question at Jensen’s expression. Jensen just smiled and shook his head.

They were all quiet as they ate. JD pushed his plate back first. He put on his reading glasses and picked up his crossword puzzle and pen.

“Goats,” Devin said.

“Let me get things cleaned up, sweetheart,” Sam said. She rose, picked up her plate and JD’s.

Jared exchanged looks with Jensen before saying, “We can take him.”

“Oh,” she said, “sure. I’ll meet you boys out there.”

Jensen drained his coffee cup, wiped his face and hands, and set his napkin aside.

“Ah man, breakfast over?” Christian said from the doorway. Hovering behind him was the girl from the night before. She was wearing one of Christian’s t-shirts. Her legs were bare, and her smeared eyeliner made her look like a raccoon.

Jared shot Jensen an angry look. He took Devin off Jensen’s lap and headed for the back door. A loud bang of a cabinet door told Jensen that Sam had seen the girl too. He stood. “We’re taking Dev out to see the goats.”

“Jensen,” Sam said.

He turned, and she kissed his cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’ll be out in a minute.”

He nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Jared was already standing at the fence when Jensen caught up. His hands spanned Devin’s waist as the boy sat on a fence post. Jensen leaned on the top rail. They watched the baby goats frolic while the adults jockeyed for position near the fence and bleated for food. Sam joined them a few minutes later and took Devin on her hip. She walked along the fence row pouring feed into a trough.

“He deserves better,” Jared said. He didn’t have to say what he meant.

“She was a girl in my dad’s t-shirt once,” Jensen said watching Sam.

“Maybe so,” Jared conceded. “That doesn’t make it ideal, Cat.”

“It’s how Chris and I were raised,” he said. Morning sun beat down on his face.

“I’m an adult. I knew what I was getting into this time,” Jared said. “Kids deserve stability – especially Devin. He has special needs.”

He was so big-hearted and smart, and Jensen knew he was right. He nodded. “I’ll talk to Christian,” he said.

“If anyone can get through to him, it’s you,” Jared said.

“No pressure,” Jensen said.

Jared gave him a dazzling smile. “None at all,” he said.

Devin’s laughter floated to them, and they looked to see him leaning over the fence secure in Sam’s arms.

“I should head home,” Jared said. “I’ve got stuff I have to get done before work tomorrow.” He pushed away from the fence.

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen said. He stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and followed Jared around the house.

“When do you think you’ll be back in the city?” Jared asked.

“Don’t be surprised it you don’t sleep alone tonight,” he said. The sun was warm on the back of his neck as they crossed the driveway to the Pit.

Jared smiled. “I like the sound of that. Do you want to throw some stuff in my car?”

“Yeah?”

“You can’t get much on the bike,” Jared said.

They entered the relative cool of the barroom, and Jensen grabbed a Cuervo box. He set it on the bed in the room he was using and began to toss jeans and shirts into it. Jared pointed to a box of books sitting near the desk. Jensen had brought them when he’d moved out of the house.

“You want me to take this box of books?” Jared asked.

Jensen hesitated. “Yeah?”

“Sure, why not?” Jared had squatted down to look at the titles.

“I didn’t know if you’d have room in your bookcase.”

“Then we’ll get another bookcase,” Jared said with a shrug.

“Oh, yeah, okay,” Jensen said. He realized that he was still holding a stack of t-shirts and put them in the box on the bed.

Jared stood and ran his hands along Jensen’s arms. “I’m not just asking you to leave a toothbrush at my place, Cat. I want to make sure we’re on the same page here. You’re moving in with me, right?”

Jensen took a deep breath. “Yes, I just ... I’ve never done this before. Those five months that you were with me, that’s the closest I’ve come.”

“Wow, who’d have thought that I’d have more experience at something than you?” Jared said. Jensen knew it was a joke, but he felt a little of the heat of jealousy that he imagined Jared had the night before. “Hey, I had a bunch of roommates in college,” Jared said, “and Mike ... You know that was nothing like us, right? You know that.”

“No?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You met him. He almost pissed himself, remember?”

Jensen couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled out of him. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

Jared laughed and then kissed him. “No, Cat, no one’s ever compared to you.”

“Ditto,” Jensen said. He leaned back in and captured Jared’s mouth. He pushed his hands up under the hem of Jared’s shirt, across the firm expanse of his back. He was thinking of trying to convince Jared to go back to bed when they were interrupted.

“Hey, guys, oh holy fuck,” Ty said from the open doorway. “What are you 16?”

“Why do people keep saying that?” Jared asked.

“Really? You gotta ask?” Ty said with a grin. He braced his hands on the door facing. “Listen, we’re doing a pool on tonight’s football game – Cowboys and Bears – you all in?”

“I’m headed home,” Jared said.

Ty shrugged. “Jensen?”

“No, I’ll be in Dallas.”

Ty rolled his eyes. “What are you joined at the hip now? Whatever. You girls have fun.” He stalked off down the hallway.

Jensen just shook his head. “He questioned our ages.”

“And our gender.” Jared chuckled and picked up the box of books. “Think you’ll be home in time for the game?”

Home – the word took Jensen by surprised and he let it sink in a moment.

Jared shifted the box in his arms looking a little uncertain. “I could, you know, pick up some chips and stuff and a twelve pack of Dos Equis.”

“Yeah, I’ll be home for the game.”

Jared nodded and grinned. “Great, that’s great.”

[ ](http://sylsdarkplace.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1328/24989)

Chris was sitting on the couch with his boots propped up on the coffee table when Jensen got in the house.  He sat down in JD’s recliner and put the footrest up. Christian side-eyed him and went back to flipping through channels. Jensen didn’t say a word and Chris finally tossed the remote down.

“What?” he demanded.

Jensen shrugged.

“Then shut up,” Chris said. He picked the remote up and changed channels.

“You know,” Jensen said, “that if you hurt Danneel, Jared will pound you into a little greasy spot, and I won’t stop him.”

Chris gave him a long stare. “We’re just having fun. She knows that.”

Jensen cocked an eyebrow at him. “Then stick to other avenues.”

“What?”

“Other fish in the sea?”

“Why should I?”

“I just told you ...”

“What the fuck is your deal?” Chris’s boots hit the floor, and he leaned forward.

“She’d be good for you and Dev, but I promised not to encourage it,” Jensen said.

“Why would you do that?” Christian asked.

“Because he asked me to,” Jensen replied.

“You are so ... what’s the gay equivalent of pussy whipped? Dick whipped?”

Jensen fought not to laugh, but he couldn’t help smiling. “That’s pretty appealing actually.”

Christian threw the remote at him. “Asshole!”

Jensen shook his head. “You don’t get it, man. That’s why you’ll never have a real relationship with a woman.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It isn’t about being ‘whipped’ or blackmailed,” Jensen said. “You did something for me once because you thought it was important to me. You thought it would help me. That’s what friends do.”

Christian looked confused. “We were talking about women.”

Jensen sighed. “We were talking about Jared, and Danneel, and you and me. Friends, lovers ...”

Christian shifted uncomfortably. “You’re saying, it’s all the same.”

“Wow, you aren’t as stupid as you look.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re still an asshole.” Christian leaned back and put his feet up. “You in the pool for the game tonight?”

Jensen dropped the footrest and stood. “Nope, I’m going to Dallas.” He tossed the remote to Christian.

Chris fumbled the catch. “For what?”

Jensen smiled. “To get dick whipped.”

“You did not just ...”

Jensen laughed. “I did, and I will.”

 


	12. Good Times Bad Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, let me apologize for how long it has taken to complete this verse. I’ve re-written the last two chapters three times. I hope the ending leaves you all satisfied. Thanks go out to my darling betas anniespinkhouse and   
> meus_venator who has also been providing the awesome artwork. Title on this chapter from Zeppelin of course.

 

 

  
.   
  
The barroom was still quiet when Jensen emerged from the backroom with his duffle bag. JD and Blue sat at the bar with beers in front of them.

“Headed to Dallas again?” JD asked.

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “Can I have a word?”

“Sure,” he said, and then to Blue, “Give us minute, will ya?”

“No problem,” Blue said. He slid off his stool and headed into the kitchen.

“What’s up?” JD asked.

“I wanted to let you know that I’m moving in with Fox,” Jensen said.

“You’re moving to Dallas? That’s outside our territory,” JD said. He swung around so he was facing Jensen.

“Yeah, I know.” Jensen set his duffle bag on the bar and sat down on the stool Blue had vacated. “But I’m there a lot anyway, and it’s not that far. I’ll commute.”

“Commute? So the club is a job now?”

“No,” Jensen said. “Course not. The club’s family; so is Fox.”

“He’s pulling you away,” JD said.

“It’s not like that. Did you expect me to live at home forever?”

“No,” JD said. “I figured you’d get a place in Goatweed or Carter. I don’t like you so far from the club.”

Jensen understood. The club was family, back-up, safety. “Look, he’s reevaluating where he wants to go with his career. Who knows, maybe in the next couple of years, we can move closer.”

JD nodded. His fingers drummed on the bar, but he didn’t look at Jensen.

“Dad, this is what I need to do right now.”

JD met his gaze then. “I know. Just be careful, and don’t be so busy looking out for him that you don’t look out for yourself.”

“Yes, sir,” Jensen said.

“Don’t mock me, you little son of a bitch,” JD grinned.

“Who you callin’ little, old man?” Jensen got up and grabbed his duffle.

JD just chuckled and took a drink of beer. Jensen headed for the door, but turned when JD hollered.

“Hey, son! You better talk to Sam before you leave. I don’t need an ass-chewing later for letting you sneak off without saying good-bye.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Fox and I’ll be back for the club meeting Friday.”

JD gave him a hard stare.

“Fine,” Jensen huffed.

“Good boy! She’s right out there on the porch with Devin.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jensen mumbled as he stomped to the door.

JD was right. Sam was sitting on the steps while Devin played with his Hot Wheels on the porch. He crossed the drive and sat beside her. She took a drag off her cigarette and squinted at him.

“Going to Dallas?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m moving in with Fox.”

She nodded. “Good.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s good for you.”

Jensen looked off across the fields. “Yeah.”

She tossed her cigarette butt on the step and crushed it with her boot heel. “What is it, honey?”

He looked over at her and saw interest and concern in her eyes. “I don’t know that I’m so good for him,” he said.

She reached up and cupped his cheek. “Of course you are, sweetheart,” she said.

Jensen took her hand. “This life, it’s dangerous. He could get hurt or end up in jail or ... or dead.”

“There’s no guarantees of a safe life,” she said, “you know that. Maybe this life has more risks than some, but he knows what the risks are.”

Jensen opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. “And you are worth it.” She squeezed his hand. “You are.”

Jensen was surprised by the tears that welled in his eyes, and he looked away. She patted his knee.

Jensen took a deep breath. “You and me ...” His throat tightened, and he searched for the right words.

“We got off to a rocky start,” she said. “I know that. The way your mama left was hard on you and JD.” He heard the flick of her lighter and glanced over. She squinted and waved the smoke away from her eyes. “It was hard for him, having a little one, all that responsibility, but it was easier for him to let someone else in. You were ...” She took a drag and smiled. “You were one tough little guy, but you were so hurt. You had a shell like a snapping turtle and bite to match.”

He remembered the mean, angry words, slammed doors. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“I’m not asking for an apology, sweetheart,” she said and thumbed away a tear that slipped from his eye. “I’m proud of the man you’ve become and that I had a part in that.”

Jensen didn’t have words to express what he was feeling, and he couldn’t have trusted his voice right then anyway. He grabbed her and hugged her against his chest. She laughed in surprise. When he let go of her, she dabbed at her eyes with her shirttail.

“You’re going to make my mascara run,” she scolded.

Jensen smiled and swiped at his own eyes. Seeing the boy playing on the porch behind her, he said, “Devin is lucky to have you in his life.”

“I guess I’ll do in a pinch,” she said with a shrug.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he agreed. “I gotta head out. I told Fox I’d be home in time for the game.”

He picked up his duffle and slung it over his shoulder. “See you later, Dev.” The little boy looked up and waved. “You behave for Sam, okay?” Devin nodded.

“Why should he be any different from you or his father?” Sam asked. “I swear whatever I told you two, you’d do the opposite.”

Jensen grinned. “See ya Friday.”

“Ride safe, honey,” she said. “Give the big guy a hug for me.”

“Big guy? What am I, a shrimp now?”

“You’ll always be my little boy,” she said.

He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Thanks, ma.”

“Get out of here and don’t speed.”

“You know me,” Jensen said as he walked away, “Always on the right side of the law.”

 

 

  
Jensen had just picked up another piece of pizza from the box when the Cowboy’s quarterback broke through the Viking’s defensive line and with arms and legs pumping, he made for the end zone. Jared leaned forward expectantly, and Jensen sat frozen, pizza hovering over the box. The QB glanced back just as a Viking player snagged him and brought him down. He was quickly buried under a pile of purple jerseys.

Jensen dropped the piece of pizza back in the box. “God dammit!” He slumped back on the sofa. Jared muted the TV and did the same.

“They’ll never pull this one out of the crapper now,” Jared groused.

“No,” Jensen agreed.

They sat in silence watching a beer commercial with two cute talking dogs.

“That’s a funny one,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, but I’ve seen it a million times,” Jared said. “And the beer is for shit.”

“Yeah,” Jensen replied.

Jared picked at his beer label. “You know, this ... I’m glad you’re here,” he said.

Jensen cocked an eyebrow at him. “You mean, my toothbrush?”

Jared chuckled. “Yeah, that.”

Jensen nodded. “Well, I know you’re all in, so you need to know I am too.”

“Thanks,” Jared said. He took a drink of beer. “So, what are you going to do with yourself all day?”

Jensen shrugged a shoulder. “I’m still club VP,” he said. “I still have ... things to take care of.”

“Responsibilities,” Jared said.

“Right.” Mike Tirico and Joe Gruden came back on screen. “The game?” Jensen motioned toward the TV with his beer bottle.

“Nah,” Jared said. He turned the TV off. “Let’s call it a night.”

“Yeah, turn in early,” Jensen said with a smirk.

“Right.” Jared grinned. “It’s been a long day,” he said as Jensen turned and pushed him back against the cushions. “I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted,” Jared continued. He twisted with his back to the armrest and brought one leg up to give Jensen room between them. He crawled up over Jared like a mountain lion with a look that promised predation.

“Shut up,” Jensen growled.

“Or what?” Jared asked as Jensen nipped at his jawline.

“Or I’ll shut you up,” Jensen murmured. His breath blew hot and moist over Jared’s ear.

“You think you can do that, huh?” he asked with a smile.

“I do,” Jensen said.  He caught Jared’s earlobe between his lips and suckled it.

Jared suppressed a shiver. “How you gonna do that, big man?”

Jensen pushed himself up, and Jared looked up into eyes that could swallow him whole. “I want you to fuck me,” Jensen said.

Jared’s mouth opened but nothing came out. His breath caught in his throat. There’d been that one time, and he was grateful for it. But he’d thought that was it, that Jensen wouldn’t want it again. Jensen was offering, no, asking. Jared rose from the couch, pushing Jensen up with him. Jensen was right. There was no reason to talk.

He watched Jensen pull his t-shirt off over his head revealing his lean chest and pert nipples. Jared made a promise to himself to taste those in just a moment. Jared heard Jensen chuckle as he stripped off his own shirt. He grabbed Jensen and kissed him. They did a stumbling dance toward the bed, all grasping hands and hungry mouths.

Their mouths never parted as fingers skillfully unbuckled belts and slid over heated skin, pulled at denim and tugged at hair. Jared gasped, drawing in Jensen’s breath. He toppled them onto the bed, and Jensen reached for the lube. He spread his legs, welcoming Jared between them. Jared leaned down and suckled a pebbled nipple and caressed sensitive path of Jensen’s perineum with a slick finger. It circled the hole before pressing in. Jensen’s muscles were so tight, the channel hot and soft, and Jared wanted in there so badly.

His cock was hard and leaking with need. He pushed a second finger in along the first and crooked them. His fingertips skimmed over the firm lump of Jensen’s prostate, and Jensen’s stomach muscles quivered. He let out a small surprised sound. Jared swirled his tongue over the nipple one last time and moved downward. He knelt between Jensen’s legs and lapped at the pool of precome on Jensen’s belly. He looked up at Jensen with a grin before licking over the head of Jensen’s cock, which twitched and slapped against his abs. The whole time Jared’s fingers twisted and rocked.

“Now,” Jensen said. His legs went around Jared drawing him up and forward. “Come on, baby.”

Jared shuffled forward on his knees and slicked his cock with lube. He lined up the head of his dick with Jensen’s glistening hole. He wanted to see his cock sink into Jensen’s body, but he looked up as he pushed forward.  Thick lashes fluttered over lust dark eyes, and Jensen’s plush lips parted on a sigh. Jared sank in and in. The crush of molasses sweet heat was overwhelming. He paused when he was balls deep, worried that he might come right then and there if he moved.

He captured Jensen’s mouth with his own. This was right and good, them together finally.

“Welcome home,” Jared said.

“Knew you couldn’t shut up,” Jensen said.

“No,” Jared said and kissed him again. He began to rock his hips, slow and shallow at first, but then picking up speed. He tipped Jensen’s hips up a little more, and Jensen’s eyes slammed shut. He moaned, and his fingers scrabbled over Jared’s thighs seeking purchase.

 

 

  
Jensen stretched in the early morning light and realized he was alone. He rolled over and pressed his face into the pillow that still held Jared’s warm scent. Just like the kid to be up and out at the crack of dawn. He dragged himself from bed and into the bathroom hoping to be half awake when Jared got back. He took a hot shower with a smile on his face, remembering the evening before watching the game and drinking beer and knowing that he wouldn’t be debating whether to ride back to the ranch that night or in the morning. He set the shampoo on the corner shelf, thinking that this was his shower now. This was his home.

He’d finished shaving and had just put his jeans on when he heard the door slam. “Hey! You’re up!” Jared yelled in surprised because Jensen was rarely up much before noon. The kid began banging around in the kitchen.

“You don’t have to yell,” Jensen said. “Or slam cabinet doors,” he added under his breath.

“Sorry,” Jared said. “I’m putting coffee on.”

“Yeah, do that.”

Jensen pulled a t-shirt on over his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He gathered it at the back of his neck and began braiding it. Jared caught him in the bathroom doorway. He held his damp t-shirt in his hand. His broad chest gleamed with sweat from his run, and tendrils of hair stuck to his forehead and cheeks. He stopped Jensen with a touch of his fingertips on Jensen’s arms. Jensen looked up at the dimpled grin, his fingers trapped halfway down the loose braid.

“What are you so happy about?” Jensen asked.

Jared leaned in and kissed him. “You’re here.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said with a smile. “I spent the night, remember?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “You didn’t just spend the night. Right? You live here. You’ll be here every morning.”

Jensen felt heat rise in his cheeks and ducked his head. “Yeah.” His fingers began to work the braid again. The coffee maker burbled. “Hey, coffee,” he said and started toward the kitchen.

Jared chuckled behind him. “Yeah, I’m going to take a shower if you left any hot water.”

“Okay,” Jensen said. “Hey, did you pick up the newspaper while you were out?”

“No, sorry. My wallet’s there on the counter. Take a twenty. Get some doughnuts.”

“I have money,” Jensen mumbled as he wound the elastic band around the tail of the braid.

“What?!” Jared yelled.

“Nothing, never mind.”

He rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t get over how alert and full of energy Jared was in the morning, like a Golden retriever puppy – bright eyed and bushy tailed. It took Jensen a couple of hours and a few mugs of coffee to get going. He poured a cup and took a swig before walking to the sitting area.

He started to pick up the empty beer bottles and pizza box, but sat down on the sofa and leaning his head back with a sigh. He lived there. The thought of waking up every morning in Fox scented sheets was not a bad one – even better was going to bed every night with the big, enthusiastic guy. Who would have thought the skinny kid who was no taller than Jensen would turn into such a giant? Jensen grinned to himself and drained his coffee mug. He remembered the request for doughnuts then. He sat up and pulled his boots on. He was headed for the kitchen area when there was a knock at the door. He paused and glanced toward the bathroom. The shower was still going, and he shrugged before heading for the door. He lived there now after all.

There was a woman standing in the hallway holding a covered bowl. She was older, late forties, faded blonde hair. Her smile turned to surprise.

“Can I help you?” Jensen asked.

“You must be Jensen,” she said. There was an angry edge to her voice, and it sank in who this woman must be. “I’m Jared’s mother, Sharon.”

He stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in.”

She stopped just inside, and he closed the door.

“Jared’s in the shower,” Jensen said. “Coffee?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but stepped into the kitchen and refilled his cup. He took another mug from the cupboard and filled it. When he turned around, she’d taken a few steps forward and was looking around. Her eyes went from the boxes of his books and clothes to the rumpled bed. “Cream or sugar?” he asked.

“Sugar,” she answered without looking at him.

He nodded and set the sugar bowl beside the coffee mug. “Can I take that?” he asked and reached for the bowl in her hands. She relinquished it. It was cold, so he put it in the refrigerator. When he turned back, she was standing at the island gripping the edge of the counter.

“You know,” she said, “I’ve thought a million times about what I’d say if I ever met you.”

Jensen took a deep breath and waited for it.

She shook her head. “And now I can’t, because he has you living here, doesn’t he?”

Jensen licked his lips. “Yes.”

“I never imagined ...”

“No, neither did I,” he replied.

She sucked her lips between her teeth and shook her head. The hair drier roared to life in the bathroom.

Jensen put his palms on the counter and leaned forward. “Look, I’m only going to say this once,” he said. “I’m sorry for the worry you went through when Fox took off with me.”

Her brow knitted. “Why did you do it?”

The memory of stepping out of the twilight of the bar onto that dusty street in Heyworth flashed through his mind. He remembered the boy with the exotic eyes who looked at him like he was something special and wonderful. He fought the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. “I couldn’t explain it to you. He’s ...”

“I know what he is,” she said. The vehemence in her voice was like the warning hiss of air brakes on an 18-wheeler bearing down on him. “And you took him from us. We didn’t know if he was alive or dead. I thought I’d never see him again.”

“I know how that feels,” he said.

“How dare you compare ...”

Jensen pulled himself to his full height and glared at her. The hair drier shut off leaving them in silence that made his ears ring.

“Hey, Cat, I ...” Jared stopped short as he exited the bathroom. “Mama, I wasn’t expecting you.” His gaze shifted between his mother and Jensen.

She held Jensen’s gaze another second before turning to Jared with a smile. “Hi, honey, I made potato salad because your brother and Hannah and the kids were supposed to have dinner with us tonight, but they cancelled. There was way too much for your dad and I, so I thought I’d bring some over for you.”

Jared pulled her into his arms and gave Jensen a questioning look over her head. “That’s awesome,” he said. “You know I love your ‘tater salad.”

“I know you do, baby,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting ...” For the first time, she seemed unsure of herself.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jared said. “I know. I hadn’t had a chance to tell you. Jensen just moved in yesterday, so ...”

Jensen picked up his keys, phone, and wallet from the counter. “I’m going to go get the paper and doughnuts. The kind with the jelly in middle, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “Raspberry or ...”

“Lemon, I know,” Jensen said. He was shrugging his cut on when his phone vibrated in his pocket. The read-out said, ‘Sam.” He frowned and thumbed the phone on. “Sam?”

There was half a beat too long before she answered. “Jensen, something’s happened.” He could hear the pain and fear and tension in her voice. He knew this wasn’t some ordinary club tragedy. It was close.

“What is it? Is it JD?”

“No, honey, it’s Chris.”

“Chris?”

“He’s been shot. They’re airlifting ...”

He couldn’t breathe.

 

 

  
“What is it?” Jared asked.

Jensen didn’t respond. He stared straight ahead and started shaking. Jared grabbed the phone.

“Sam? What’s going on?”

“Oh, Fox, good he’s with you,” she said. “It’s Chris. He’s been shot. He’s being airlifted to St. El’s.”

“He’s what? What happened?”

“I ... we’re not sure yet. Just stay with Jensen.”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll meet you there.” Jared ended the call, but when he went to give Jensen the phone back, Jensen turned away and headed for the door with his keys in his hand. “Hey wait up. I’ll drive you.”

Jensen gave Jared’s mother a glance and shook off Jared’s hand. “I have to go.”

“You’re not riding your bike like this.” He pursued Jensen to the door.

“I’m fine!”

“Bullshit!” Jared said and snatched the keys from his hand. He saw the curl of Jensen’s lip and knew what it meant. He blocked the first swing at his chin and shoved Jensen against the wall.

“You’re not getting on that fucking bike right now!”

Jensen’s eyes were narrowed as he pushed himself away from the wall. “Get the fuck out of my way!”

“Stop it! Both of you!”

His mother’s voice got through to Jared right away, but he kept a wary eye on Jensen who looked one moment from completely losing it.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Jensen’s brother was shot,” Jared said. “He’s being airlifted to St. El’s.”

“Come on,” she said. “I’ll drive you both.” She walked past them into the hallway.

“Fox,” Jensen said. The anger was gone, and Jared had never seen Jensen look so young or so frightened. Jared reached out, grabbed Jensen’s shoulder, and pulled him forward.

“It’s okay,” Jared said. “She drives like Danica Patrick. Come on.”

 

 

  
They beat the other club members to the ER, which was quiet but for a few people hacking and coughing and a man sleeping across three seats. Jensen strode in and rushed the counter demanding to know about Chris. The young man – Troy, according to his name tag – calmly raised an eyebrow.

“An airvac landed ten minutes ago,” he said. “That’s all I can say.”

“How is he?” Jensen asked.

“I can’t release that information ...”

“He’s my brother,” Jensen said.

Troy eyed Jensen’s cut. “You’re a brother by parentage or by affiliation?”

Jensen got that look again, and Jared pulled him away from the counter. “Calm down.”

“Fuck you!” Jensen said.

“Yeah, fuck me,” Jared said with complete calm. “Come on, Jen. You aren’t helping your case here.”

Jensen took a deep breath. “Yeah, sorry.” He laced his fingers behind his head and walked away. Jared kept pace with him down the hallway.

“Jesus, I ...” He dropped his hands to his sides. “I should have been there, Fox.”

“Don’t do that, Cat,” he said. “We don’t even know what happened yet. Sam didn’t sound like she knew for sure. Blaming yourself won’t do Chris any good.”

“I’m going to kill whoever did this,” Jensen said under his breath, and Jared had no doubt he meant it.

“We’ll deal with it,” he said. “Not just you. All of us.”

Jensen looked him in the eye then as though searching for whether Jared meant it. Whatever he saw must have been the right answer because he seemed to relax a little. He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Okay, good.”

The doors slid open then and a pack of Viper Brotherhood strode in with JD and Sam at the head of the group. Sam had Devin on her hip. His eyes were red and swollen. He turned his head, and he pressed his face into Sam’s hair.

“Guys,” JD said. “What’s the word?”

Jensen shook his head. “They won’t tell me much. He’s here. They’re taking him to surgery.”

“Well, that means he’s alive,” Blue said.

Jensen flinched at the statement. “What the fuck happened?”

“We’re not sure yet,” JD said. “It was early – too damned early for Chris to be up and around. We were in the kitchen, me and Sam, when we heard the shots. We ran out. Devin had been on the porch. He ... A car was high-tailing it up the lane. I found Chris just outside the garage.”

“A car?” Jared said. “What kind of car?”

“Late model Camry, silver,” JD said. “No one we know. You?”

“No,” Jared said. Jensen shook his head.

“I’m going to go see if I can’t shoe horn something out of that guy,” JD said.

“Troy,” Jensen said. “I’ll go with you.”

The guys milled about, some following JD and Jensen, and others going to the coffee machine or outside to smoke.

“He looks like he’s getting heavy,” Jared said to Sam. Devin turned his head and peeked at Jared. “Hey, buddy.” He held his arms out. “Want to come to me for a little while, give Grandma Sam a rest.”

Sam’s smile was tepid. “Grandma Sam,” she scoffed. “You’re becoming an asshole like Jensen.”

Devin leaned forward and let Jared take him. “Come on and sit down,” Jared said to Sam. “My mom’s over here. She was at the apartment when you called. Good thing she was too. Jensen and I were about to have a knock down drag out.”

“Oh?”

“No big deal,” Jared said with a shrug.

Sharon was sitting in one of the hard plastic formed chairs that was bolted to a frame along the wall. “Hey, Mama, this is Sam, Jensen’s mom, and this is Devin.”

Sharon looked up. “I’m so sorry about your son. I hope he’ll be okay.”

Sam looked as though she might correct Sharon’s misconception, but didn’t. “Thank you, I appreciate that. You raised a good boy. Fox has become quite a man.”

Sharon’s thank you was a little chilly.

“I think I’m going to go have a smoke,” Sam said.

“Okay,” Jared said. “I’ll keep an eye on Dev.”

Sam set a tote bag in the seat she’d vacated. “That’s Devin’s emergency kit. Keep an eye on it, okay?” she said. “Let me know if you hear anything.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jared said. He sat down beside his mother and leaned back so Devin was lying against his chest.

“Fox?” Sharon asked.

“Yeah, they all call me that,” he said with a smile.

“Hm.” She frowned. “I don’t know why, but I thought you told me once that Jensen’s mom wasn’t around.”

“No, she’s not, not since he was little, but Sam has been with JD for most of Jensen’s life. They took Chris in when his parents were killed in an accident. So ... she has every right to claim to be their mother. They’ve given her enough grief over the years.”

“So, technically, she isn’t their mother, and Chris isn’t Jensen’s brother.”

“Family is more than blood,” Jared said.

The group of club members who’d been at the counter broke up, and Jensen approached. “They told us we could go up to the sixth floor waiting room outside recovery to wait,” he said. “We convinced Troy that we’re the only family Chris has.” He sounded disgusted and angry again.

Jared rose with Devin in his arms and grabbed the tote bag.

“He hasn’t done that in awhile,” Jensen said quietly. Jared looked down and the boy had his thumb in his mouth.

“I’m going to go give your dad a call,” Sharon said. “I’ll meet you upstairs.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Jensen said.

“I know,” she replied and turned away.

“She hates me,” Jensen said.

“She doesn’t know you,” Jared said as they started toward the elevators.

“And she doesn’t want to. She would be happy if I didn’t exist. Just, poof!” He made a motion with his hand, but there was a wry smile on his face.

They stepped into the elevator, pushed the sixth-floor button, and leaned against the back wall. Two women got on the elevator and gave each other hesitant looks when JD and Blue followed them.

“She say anything about what you’re wearing?” Jensen asked Jared.

Jared looked down and realized he’d grabbed his cut at some point and put it on. “No,” he said.

Jensen quirked an eyebrow at him. “You got some ‘splainin’ to do.”

“You have no idea.” Jared looked up and watched the floor indicator light up.

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “Listen, about earlier ...”

“I know.”

Jensen sighed. “Okay. Thanks.”

Jared wanted more than anything to grab Jensen and pull him into a hug, but he settled for bumping shoulders. It elicited the hint of a smile, and that was enough.

 

 

  
The hours wore on, filled with bad coffee, long silences, and awkward conversation punctuated with Devin’s insulin checks, snacks, and shots. He had been passed back and forth between Jared and Jensen and Sam and JD. He was sitting on Jensen’s lap with a small plush bear that Sharon had bought him at the gift shop. He held it under his chin. Jared was used to sitting for long periods in the courtroom, but this was different. There was little to occupy his mind but worry. He was restless and bored.

“I’m going to go for a walk,” he said as he rose.

“I’ll go with you,” Sharon said, and he could hardly say that he wanted to be alone.

“Sure,” he said. She followed him into the hallway. He felt like what he really needed was a good run, but he could hardly stretch his legs without outpacing her.

“That little boy needs a stable home,” she said.

“Don’t,” Jared said.

“Don’t speak the truth?”

“Don’t judge when you don’t know the story,” Jared said. “His mother’s a meth addict, and her parents are fighting Chris for custody.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” she asked as they reached an empty waiting room at the end of the hallway.

“Is it?” He turned on her. “The grandfather molested Devin’s mom.”

“Oh,” she said with a frown.

“Yeah, oh,” Jared said. He couldn’t keep the anger from bubbling over. “Look, Mama, they’re trying to do the best they can for Devin, but the world that Jensen grew up in, it’s not like how I grew up.”

“Jensen’s brother was shot. He’s fighting for his life in there,” she said. “And you want to be a part of his world.”

“I am a part of his world,” Jared said.

She reached up and touched the Viper patch on his cut. “I see that,” she said. She was angry then “You are an officer of the court, but this marks you as a criminal. How will you make that work?”

Jared took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. Sometimes, I can’t even remember why I went to law school. It’s like ...” He turned away and went to the wall of windows that overlooked the parking lot.

“Like what?” she asked. She put a hand on his arm, and he leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I hurt you all so bad and myself. I just ... I wanted to never screw up again. I thought ...” His eyes stung when he looked at her. “I could be perfect, never hurt anyone, never hurt.”

“Oh, honey.” She rubbed his arm. “Life doesn’t work that way.”

He turned and pulled her into a hug. “No,” he said, “I know that now.”

When they returned to the waiting room with the others, Devin was fast asleep in Jensen’s arms. He looked so small lying against Jensen’s broad chest with the bear clutched in his hands. Sam was telling a story about how Jensen and Christian used to climb to the top of the barn and slide down the tin roof onto the hay pile.

“We weren’t bad kids,” Jensen protested. She gave him a sour look.

JD snorted. “You mean like the time the two of you wrapped some banker’s Porsche around a tree?”

Jensen looked uncomfortable for the first time. “That was ...”

JD waved it off. “Yeah, yeah, extenuating circumstances, I know.”

The muscle in Jensen’s jaw jumped, and he glared at JD who met the look with mild indifference.

The doors opened then and two doctors emerged. The group rose to their feet as one and approached with JD in the lead. The taller surgeon looked grim. “There was extensive damage done by the three bullets that entered Mr. Kane’s chest. We lost him twice on the table. I’m sorry, but we were unable to revive him the second time.”

A sound of pure pain escaped Sam’s throat before she covered her mouth. JD pulled her close as the doctors continued talking. Jared turned scanning the group for Jensen and Devin. They weren’t there.

“Where’s Cat?” he said. Devin’s emergency tote was no longer next to Sam’s chair.

“Probably just took Devin out of here,” Blue said.

Jared felt an inexplicable unease. “No,” he said. He stepped a few feet away, took out his phone, and dialed Jensen’s number. He listened to it ring vaguely aware of the doctors talking in the background. “Come on, come on, answer,” he said under his breath. Jensen’s voice mail came on. “Damn it. Call me the minute you get this, Cat.” Jared thumbed the phone off and shook his head at Blue.

“What the fuck?” Blue asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Get the guys. Spread out and look.”

“Okay,” Blue said with a baffled frown.

“Hey, quietly, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Jared suddenly had a thought that made him feel ill. “Sam!”

She looked up with tearful eyes. “Yeah?”

“Can I, um, can I borrow your truck?”

“Well, yeah,” she said as she dug in her bag for her keys. “Sure, honey, but ...” She sat down with it on her lap and continued riffling through it. “I ... they’re not here.”

“Maybe you left them in the truck,” Sharon said.

“No, I mean, I don’t think so,” Sam said. “I don’t think I’d do that, but I don’t know.”

“No, I don’t think so either,” Jared said. He recalled seeing Jensen looking through her bag when it was sitting between them. Jensen had gotten a piece of chewing gum, but Jared realized now that wasn’t the only thing. “Mama, I need your keys.”

“What?!”

“Call daddy to come get you,” Jared said. He held his hand out. “Come on. I have to go.”

“Fox, what’s this about?” JD demanded.

“Jensen and Devin are gone,” he said as he snatched Sharon’s keys from her hand.

“That stupid son of a bitch,” JD said.

Jared didn’t answer. He was running for the stairs.

 

 

  
Jared punched the accelerator to the floor whenever he had the chance, and the Grand Cherokee ate up the blacktop. He prayed that Jensen wasn’t willing to drive as recklessly with Devin in Sam’s old pick up, but he still had a head start. Jared figured that Jensen would have to head back to the ranch for rest of Devin’s insulin supplies. Jared was counting on being able to catch up with them there.

He understood what Jensen was thinking. Without Chris to fight for custody, Crystal’s parents would get Devin by default. Jensen felt as though he’d let Chris down by not being with him that morning. If he couldn’t stop Chris from dying, he could at least save Devin. Jensen would risk everything for that, for his brother who’d always been there for him.

Jared had been dialing Jensen’s number over and over throughout the drive, but there was never an answer. That Jared made it from Dallas through Goatweed without getting pulled over was a miner miracle. He wasn’t sure how he’d have dealt with it, but he had no plan to slow down until he reached the ranch.

“Be there, be there, be there,” he chanted under his breath as he slowed to turn in the lane. His stomach dropped when he saw the deserted parking area. Yellow crime scene tape across the front of the garage was the only evidence of the morning’s events.

“Oh God, please,” he said as he pulled the Jeep behind the house where Sam often parked. He stopped and stared at the empty space between the back porch and the goat pen. Just a week ago they’d sat on those steps and kissed like kids. The next morning, they’d stood at the fence with Devin and laughed at the antics of the baby goats.

Jared sucked in a shaky breath and dropped his forehead against the steering wheel. He thumbed the phone on, hit redial, and listened to it ring. He hadn’t left a message since the one at the hospital.

“Talk to me.” The sound of Jensen’s voice made his heart clench. He took another deep breath before the beep.

“I’m at the ranch and I, you’re not. I ... I said I was all in with you. I meant it, you son of a bitch. Please, Cat ... just ... just please, call me.”

  



	13. Conclusion: Ten Years Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Would you believe I posted _Freedom’s Just Another Word_ (as a one-off) one year ago today? Feels like _Ten Years Gone_ (another Led Zeppelin 'cause you can’t have too much Zeppelin). Thank you for sticking with it! And thanks again to betas [](http://anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/profile)[**anniespinkhouse**](http://anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/) and [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/)**meus_venator** doing double duty as artist extraordinaire.

 

  


  
Danneel gave Jared a hug as she came through the door and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Wow,” she said.

Jared looked around. “Wow, what?”

She pointed at the floor. “They’re gone. The boxes of Jensen’s stuff. It’s been what? Six months?”

“Something like,” Jared said. _Four months, two weeks, and five days,_ he thought. _One-hundred and forty-one days since he last saw Jensen, touched him, heard his voice except for that infuriating voice mail greeting._ He swung the door shut and headed to the refrigerator. “Beer?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Sorry, that was kind of ...”

He grabbed two Sam Adams and pried the caps off. He pushed one across the granite island to her. “Insensitive? Callous?”

“Less than empathetic?” she countered. “It’s just ...”

“I know, you didn’t think I was going to let go,” he said. He took a long pull off the beer bottle, relishing the cool distraction.

“Are you?” she asked as she took the cap off a can of mixed nuts and took a handful. “Letting go, I mean?”

“I took his stuff to Goodwill, didn’t I?”

“You did?” she asked. “Didn’t his dad or the guys want any of it?”

“What? His books?” Jared scoffed. He didn’t tell her that a few of the books – Kerouac, Blake, Chomsky – had gone into his bookcases. “Nah. Anything the guys wanted, he’d left at the ranch anyway. Ty got his bike, so ...”

She traced her fingertip through the water ring left on the counter by her beer bottle. “You know, honey, I am sorry.”

Jared sighed. “Can we not beat that dead horse anymore?”

She gave a slight nod. “So you’re really moving on?”

“What choice do I have? He’s gone.” Jared took a swig of beer. “I thought maybe he was waiting until things died down, but ... I have to really let him go this time, and I have to figure out what I want for myself this time.”

She put her elbow on the counter and rested her chin in her hand. “How you gonna do that, big guy?”

Jared knew she wasn’t going to like it and bit his lip a second. “I need to see new places, meet new people.”

She raised her eyebrows in question. “What exactly does that mean?”

“I think I deserve a vacation,” he said. “An extended one.”

“That’s a great idea,” she said with a smile. “You want some company?”

“I think I need to do this alone, Dee,” he said. “I need to be by myself to figure it out otherwise I’ll just be ... avoiding it.”

“You’ve been alone for four months,” she protested.

“No, but I haven’t,” he said. “You’ve been here, and Mama’s been here or demanding that I have dinner with them. Even Sam has been ...” He saw her hurt look and huffed out a breath. “I appreciate it. I do. It means a lot to me that you all care, but I need time to just be with my own thoughts, you know?”

She pursed her lips as though about to argue but then nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do.” She picked at her beer label. “I didn’t know Chris all that well and I never meant to get involved, but I guess I did. It hurt more than I could have imagined, especially with Jensen taking off like that. The fall out ... not just professionally because I was representing Chris, but personally ... it’s given me a lot to think about too. You and me, we grew up ... sheltered, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “We did.”

“You learned that a long time ago with Jensen, didn’t you?”

Their eyes met, and he didn’t answer.

“I never understood that before,” she said. “My first thought was that Crystal’s dad had shot Chris. I’m glad it didn’t turn out to be him, but the truth ... that it was just some guy whose girlfriend Chris had messed around with ...” She shook her head.

“Yeah, I know,” Jared said. He thought of the raccoon-eyed girl at the party. They couldn’t have imagined the real fallout of that. “He’ll pay.”

“He is paying, Jay,” she said. “He’s in jail. The evidence against him is good. He’ll be in a long time.”

“Do you know something I don’t know?” she asked.

Jared shook his head, but he’d heard there’d been a break in the chain of evidence with the gun used in Christian’s death. Without that evidence, the case was significantly weaker. He knew full well that if Jensen hadn’t been on the run with Devin, the guy never would have made it to jail in the first place.

“He’ll be convicted, and he’ll go to prison for a long time,” Danneel said.

“You think that’s enough?” he asked.

“Don’t you?” she asked. “I mean, that’s the system we’ve got, Jay, the one we represent.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “It’s just ... it’s different when it’s someone you know, isn’t it? Devin lost his dad, Jensen his best friend ...”

“Yeah,” she said. Her brow was knitted as she met his eye. “I know, it’s not perfect, but we make it work the best we can, right?”

Jared nodded and took a drink of beer.

“Jay, I know how you feel ...”

“No you don’t! You were fooling around with Christian. It wasn’t the same as Jensen and I.”

Her mouth dropped open in surprise. “Whoa, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry.” He turned away and tossed his empty beer bottle into the trash. As he got another beer out of the refrigerator, he noticed his hand shaking.

“So when are you leaving on this trip and where are you going?” she asked.

“I already told Catrina that I’d need a leave of absence starting Monday,” he said.

“So soon? And she’s okay with that?”

“Yeah, she is,” he said. “She’s cool with it. Not sure where I’ll go. I’m just going to head north, I think. Up through the mountains, see the Pacific maybe.”

“For how long?”

“A few weeks,” he said and drained his beer.

“You’ll keep in touch.”

“Yeah, I’ll text you and let you know I’m alive.”

“Jared!”

  
Jared was careful, more careful probably than he’d ever been about anything – from the gloves and ski mask to the shoes with distinctive marks on the soles that he’d ditch before he got back to the motel. Even the gun was untraceable. He’d learned a thing or two from working around criminals the past couple of years after all.

He’d known before it happened that it would – that Christian’s killer was going to walk due to some evidence screw up and the disappearance of a witness. He didn’t mention it to anyone, didn’t talk to JD or any of the guys. This was for Devin and Jensen, wherever they were. It had all been quick and clean. In and out. One shot. No one knew of the plan, and no one ever would.

He slipped out the back door of the dead man’s house and into the yard. Weak light from the street permeated the trees. He pulled the ski mask off and was stuffing it into the pocket of his jacket when something hit him in the chest. He was driven backward by the assailant’s shoulder into the porch post, and a hand went around his throat. He grabbed at the man’s jacket and tried to push him away. The light caught a patch there, a viper, Goatweed, VP.

“Cat?” he gasped.

The hand loosened only slightly. “Fox?”

Jared knew the husky whisper like he knew his own hands. He shoved Jensen hard enough to cause the shorter man to stagger back. Jared went down the porch steps and headed toward the back gate.

“Hey!” Jensen hissed behind him.

“Not here,” Jared growled. Footsteps followed him to the alley, and Jensen grabbed his arm and spun him around. A sliver of light fell across the perfect arch of an eyebrow, the plane of a freckled cheek, and the grim set of Jensen’s mouth.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Jared glanced up and down the alley. “Not here.”

“Here!”

“Same as you, I imagine.”

Jensen’s eyes widened in surprise – as though it hadn’t occurred to him. It hadn’t, Jared realized. He turned and walked away.

“Meet me at the Century,” Jared huffed. “Room 113.”

  
It took Jared a half hour to make it to the motel with a detour through downtown to toss the shoes and gun into a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant. Jensen was leaning on the motel room door with his arms crossed when Jared pulled the Kawasaki Vulcan into the parking space. Jensen pushed himself away from the door without a word and followed Jared inside.

“What the fuck were you doing there, Fox?” Jared didn’t think he’d ever heard that much anger in Jensen’s voice, certainly never at him.

Jared walked to the mini fridge and grabbed two of the beers he’d left there earlier. “I told you,” he said. “It’s done.” He screwed the caps off both beers and offered one to Jensen who took it without looking.

“Done? You mean ...”

“Yeah.”

“Jesus, what have I turned you into?” The anger was gone, and Jensen looked like he had the day of Christian’s shooting. He looked devastated, and Jared felt nothing but rage.

“Don’t you do that,” he said. “Don’t you look at me that way. You left. Four months without a word, and then you sneak back in here for your vengeance. Did JD know? Huh? Did Sam? Were you even going to contact me, you fucking asshole?!”

Jensen took a step toward him. “Fox ...”

“Were you?!”

“Why did you do it?” Jensen’s voice was quiet, the beer forgotten in his hand.

“I did it for you! And Devin and Chris, and for me.” He fought the urge to cry. “I did it because he stole the most important thing in my life.”

“Was I?”

Jared shook his head. “How can you ask that?”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said. “I had to get Devin away from here, and I ...”

“I would have come with you,” Jared said.

“I know you would have,” Jensen said. He sat down on the edge of the bed and put his elbows on his knees. “It would have been impulsive, and I couldn’t let you make a decision like that.”

“It wasn’t your fucking decision to make for me,” Jared said.

Jensen shook his head. “I let you run off with me once before, and it was wrong.”

“No!” Jared went to his knees in front of Jensen. “It wasn’t. We both got hurt, but we belong together. It brought us back together when it was right. It’s still right.”

Jensen’s gaze searched Jared’s face. “Is it? Fox, I have federal warrants out on me. I can’t ever come home or I’m going to prison. I won’t tell where Devin is.”

“Where is Devin?”

A slight smile pulled at Jensen’s mouth. “With a family. Mom’s a nurse. They’ll take good care of him. His childhood, it’ll be more like yours than mine.”

“And you, what’s your plan now?” Jared asked.

“I hadn’t planned beyond tonight.”

Jared looked at his hand on Jensen’s knee and took a deep breath. “So, you weren’t going to see me?”

“JD said you’d left town on a trip.”

Jared nodded. “I had,” he said. He met Jensen’s eye. “I went north. Traded the Harley for the Kaw in Wyoming and came back.”

Jensen pushed Jared’s hair out of his eyes. “Who knew you were so devious.”

Jared shrugged one shoulder. “I do have a law degree.”

“Right, of course.” The corners of Jensen’s eyes crinkled with the smile that time.

Jared knelt up and slipped his fingers around the back of Jensen’s neck. The braid fell heavy over the back of his hand as he pulled Jensen forward and kissed him. Jensen’s hands came up and gripped his arm. The beer bottle was cold against his skin. Jensen’s mouth was so sweet and familiar, like home. Jared broke the kiss before he got lost, but let his forehead rest against Jensen’s.  “Swear to me that you won’t go without me, Cat.”

“You’d give up everything?” Jensen asked.

“No, not us. That’s the one thing I won’t give up.”

_“Then as it was, then again it will be_  
An' though the course may change sometimes  
Rivers always reach the sea”


End file.
